Recently a good friend of mine was in a bit of a situation. For the purposes of this post I will call him Friend AA.
He’d had conversations with another friend ours ( this person will be known as friend BB) and they decided to go on a mini-holiday together. He made the booking in good faith and there was an arrangement in place whereby she would refund him for her half plus petrol – they were going to go in his vehicle. Also, they were going to split food and entertainment costs etc.
Well. Two days before they were meant to go on the holiday Friend BB sent a message to Friend AA to say that she wasn’t winning with her employer and wouldn’t be able to take 2 days leave required for the holiday. Friend AA was suitably annoyed but then his leave was also declined a few hours later. HE was about to fight his employer on it and called me before he did this. I told him to see call the place where they were going and to try to negotiate a postponement before taking on his employer. He did this and then managed to make a new reservation for a week later. His leave was approved and so was hers. All was set and happiness prevailed in the land of Friends AA and BB.
THEN. Friend BB got sick and could no longer go on the holiday. Friend AA was seriously peeved because he couldn’t postpone again and it actually wasn’t so easy to find someone to take Friend BB’s place at such short notice.
Eventually Friend AA ended up going on holiday ALONE. BUT he STILL asked Friend BB for her contribution.
His reasoning was that he had in the first place postponed the holiday because of her (he insists that he would have won the leave battle with his employer), he couldn’t get someone else (to go along and share the costs) in time and, this holiday was costing him a fortune on his own and he had made the booking on the premise that Friend BB would go with him. HE had thought long and hard about this and felt that he couldn’t be held responsible for the fact that she got sick.
Well. Friend BB was NOT impressed and told him in no uncertain terms that he would not be getting a cent out of her.
Initially I felt that he was being a bit unfair to insist that Friend BB must STILL cough up. I figured that she surely couldn’t control her health issues. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I was actually projecting my fear of conflict about money issues, and that in this case, it was really not about the money. It had become a morals and values issue.
I don’t like to fight about money (with ANYONE) so I know that I would have paid or at least made some concession or arrangement with Friend AA if I had huge medical bills due to my unforeseen illness. I truly value my friendship with Friend AA and I have the hugest amount of respect for him.
I know beyond a shadow of doubt that Friend AA would have coughed up in that situation. That’s just who he is.
And I feel that if Friend BB valued the friendship between her and Friend AA in ANY way, then she would AT LEAST try to work something out with him, whether or not it involved money being exchanged.
I am kind of disappointed in Friend BB. She wasn’t even prepared to talk about it. She refused to listen and at least try to understand where friend AA was coming from.
I am not as close with her as Friend AA is but I am annoyed that she is disrespectful to MY dear Friend AA (who btw has ALWAYS been a FANTASTIC friend to her) and clearly doesn’t value him as much as he values her.
Friend AA and I spoke about it earlier today and I told him to tell her exactly how he feels and then to let it go. He was planning to do just that, only he was not going to let IT go, he was actually going to let HER go. He says that there is no more trust between them and he simply can’t take the friendship any further.
So this is what I am really curious about:
What would you do if you were in Friend AA’s situation? Would you have insisted on payment? Would you have gone into battle with Friend BB? Would you have let it go without saying anything?
What would you do if you were in Friend BB’s situation? Would you have come to a concession or arrangement with Friend AA? Would you have fought tooth and nail AGAINST paying up?
Do you think that this is a morals and values issue? DO you feel that Friend BB should cough up if she truly values the friendship with Friend AA?
Ps…I told Friend AA that he needs to MAKE A SPREADSHEET so that he can be sure to NEVER end up in a situation like this again. He FINALLY gets the spreadsheet thing and WILL be doing one of his own. HE also says that he has learned a huge lesson from this experience and will DEFINITELY do things differently next time around. I feel kind of bad for him. Because now he’s become jaded and will NEVER trust anyone’s word again.