Friendship Friday: When the chemistry is MIA

Thank you for you beautiful comments on my previous post. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts and love and hugs and encouragement. I am so very lucky to have you all and there are no words to express how much I love and appreciate each one of you.

Anyway. I’m joining Marcia today with her movement.

This past Saturday my DH went for brunch with his friend (boys can apparently also do friend-dates) and I ended up having to unexpectedly go and do some work at the office. While I was there I had a bit of a brain wave and thought that I could kill a few birds with one stone. I sent a friend of mine a text asking if she wanted to grab a bite to eat in the area in the afternoon as soon as I was done at work. She agreed (happened to be in the area) and we made plans to meet late that Saturday afternoon.

I hadn’t seen this friend in over a year. I think we maybe texted thrice in 2011. On her birthday, on my birthday and when my FIL passed away. I rather like this friend and we go way back. We partied hard together and we were pregnant at the same time. We were there for one another through very difficult times.  I watched her rebuild her life after suffering a humiliating break-up. And I have to say that I am so proud of where she is at in her life right now. She’s an awesome Mama and professionally she is just doing brilliantly.

I’m not quite sure what happened. We both got so busy and wrapped up in our own lives and we subsequently started to see less and less of one another.

So. On Saturday we ended up hanging out. Only. It was almost awkward.

There was no more chemistry between us. There were many, many awkward silences and I almost didn’t know what to talk to her about. Nothing came naturally. After we’d each had a cocktail and were a bit more relaxed, things got better and less awkward.  You know when you sometimes don’t see someone for AGES and then you see them and it’s like you can just pick up where you left off? This was NOTHING like that.

I ended up having an OK time  (thanks be to s.e.x-on-the-beach)  but I can’t deny that I was a bit disappointed. Deflated. Kind of how you feel after a really bad date?

We promised to meet again around the end of March.

TO be honest, I’m not quite sure how to go further with this.  Fact is, the chemistry between us is no more.

DO I let this friendship die a natural death? DO I keep trying to resurrect it in the hopes of the chemistry coming back? Do I accept it for what it is?

I kind of feel bad to let this friendship go because there is just so much history between us.  I can’t seem to let go of the fact that there is a kind of emotional intimacy between us. She knows things about me that no one else knows. I know things about her that no one else knows.

I do love this friend very much. I love  that she is completely non-judgmental and relatively open-minded. I love that I could talk to her about Child2 without fearing that she would be opinionated. She is a BRILLIANT listener. She gets me.

But I can’t seem to ignore the fact that I needed to have a drink to loosen up around her.

What would you do if you were faced with a situation where the chemistry in a friendship has essentially become null and void?

8 thoughts on “Friendship Friday: When the chemistry is MIA

  1. I was going to say exactly the same as Cat. I think the awkwardness may just be because of not enough time spent together. And don’t discount the fact that you’ve had a tough couple of weeks so even subconsciously you might be a bit off too :)

  2. Ha!

    This is EXACTLY what is happening/happened between the friend that I think things are over with. Awkward silences. No flow of conversation. Weirdness. Strangeness. YUCKYNESS.

    I really thought it was over between us. Seriously. I saw her a few times more and it was weird and yuck again.

    Then, last week i saw her. Completely spur of the moment. I needed somewhere to leave my car (in stutt) whilst i went to EL with some other mums (we were going to a school thing). So I phoned and asked if i could leave it there. When i dropped Buttons (my car) off, i popped in and had a quick cuppa tea. And it was DIVINE! Like it always used to be. So, my advice is. DON”T angst too much about. Make another date and see her again. And if it is weird again, don’t angst again and worry and question. Just make another date.

    If it is mean’t to be it will be. Remember that. And that it is really all in God’s hands.


  3. I would try again. I don’t believe people can change that drastically in a year that you lose that connection all together. There was a time that you were very close, that you had a strong bond and by the sounds of it stood by each other’s side when things were tough. Friendships have their ebb and flow like any other relationship and sometimes it just requires riding it out.

  4. I agree with the above…you just need to break the ice with a few more times of hanging out together…if she gets you where Child2 is concerned I am sure you are going to hit it off again big time.

  5. Personally Jules I think it’s only natural that things would be a bit awkward considering you hadn’t seen each other in so long… and the fact that a cocktail helped for me shows that there is a chance to salvage and nurture this friendship back to life…

    I say give her another chance…


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