Day 1 of school: done and dusted

Hello!

This will be a quick post because I need to get into bed with dear Rose.

• Day 1 went well. Obviously Child1 didn’t care much about anything (apparently the hype is boring or whatever) but Child2 was in his element and soooo excited.  However when we arrived at school he went quiet. I think he was a bit frazzled by all the noise and all these new kids who were crying. We went to hang up his bag and when he saw that his hook had been moved, he refused to hang up his bag! He then left me to go and play. With his bag on his back. He was EXHAUSTED when I fetched him and fell asleep in the car on the way home. He has been sleeping ever since. Am going to have to wake him to take a bath which does not bode well for our morning routine. Anyway. We’ll be fine.

 

• As I said, routine is mostly back.  So far so good. And I am in my element because I LOVE covering books!

 

• I started drumming lessons last week. Apparently (according to my teacher) I am going to be AWESOME at it. Because I am a natural or something.  I have to agree (please don’t mind me being just a little bit vain!) and I have to admit that I LOVED it!

 

• I was going to start running this week. But then I was still feeling a bit sick. Definitely next week though.  I would start this coming Saturday but I am going to be a Single Married Mom this weekend (my DH is going on a work thing) and have zero desire to drive my kids to a babysitter at 6am.  I ALSO have zero desire to run with both of them. Child2 would NEVER let me hear the end of it.

 

• It looks like my February is going to be BUSY! I have socials on EVERY weekend (except for the weekend of 16/17 Feb which I’m keeping clear for my own sanity) and I haven’t even set up any friend dates yet! It’s also the month of Sugar Man which leaves me VERY excited.

 

• Must say that, compared to last year this time, I seem to be coping just fine with the heat.  Sitting in an air-conditioned office all day helps. As does going for a swim on the weekends. As does cleaning the house when the kids are in bed and it is way cooler. I DO hope it doesn’t get any hotter though because that would surely kill me! How are you coping with the summer weather?

How are you? And how was your hump day?

“Have patience, and endure” – Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

A couple of weeks ago I did this post about my love for all things book and bookshelf. I mentioned that I was going to give all the books I was finished with and no longer interested in to the  R20 bookshop at the petrol garage close to my house. Marcia made a comment in which she suggested the option of selling the books on Kalahari.

I must be honest. I had not even considered that. I am not really the kind of person who sells stuff – I tend to give things away when I am done with them – I LOVE blessing people and surprising them with something which I know they would not ordinarily be able to afford.

At the time that comment struck a chord with me but I only really thought about it this past weekend. I was outside hanging up laundry and I looked at my car. I don’t think that I’ve mentioned this but I have a car which does not work properly. It does drive but needs some work due to some issue which I do not completely understand.  Unfortunately I have not been able to afford to fix it because with my husband’s retrenchment last year it just wasn’t a priority. We are now in the position of having to recover from that period which is not easy but basically, fixing my car is still not a priority.

We have shared a car for the past year and it has worked really well for us. Some days my husband drops and fetches me and the kids and other days, depending on where he is working, he makes alternative arrangements for himself and gets a lift with a colleague. This works out perfectly as it is way cheaper and there are no issues with parking etc. Parking is ridiculously expensive in the CBD and you can pay up to R100 per day or at least R900 per month for indoor parking. Occasionally things are a bit tricky if we both really need to use the car at the same time, but this hardly happens and up to now my parents and my brothers and my sister are always on standby to fetch the kids if we are stuck in traffic or if I need to be dropped or fetched somewhere.

Anyway. I looked at my car and it struck me that I am paying off something which is not currently serving me any purpose. I am essentially paying for an asset which I am not benefitting from at all. Ultimately, the longer the car remains unused, the more it will cost me to fix – at this stage it looks like I am going to have to replace the battery. Well, on Saturday I made a decision to put my car on the market.  Financially it makes perfect sense because I settle the bank (a smallish amount) and if I get the price that I want (I WILL get it btw…) then I would be able to settle (and close off) one credit card and one loan. Isn’t that just fabulous??

I spoke to my DH and he was in agreement and we are now looking at what needs to be done to make it more marketable. I will buy another car in about a year or so but things are working just fine at the moment and we have essentially lived this long with one car so we can surely do it for one more year.

After coming to this realization, I walked though my house and looked at every single item in my bedroom and in my kitchen. I realized just how much stuff we have that serves us no purpose and that we are either not really enjoying or absolutely not benefiting from. We are such hoarders! While I was doing this I was doing the math in my head and I calculated about R 20k’s worth of unused stuff (remember, this excludes my car) that was in excellent condition.  I haven’t even finished scanning the kitchen yet and I have yet to do the bathroom and the kids rooms and the yard.

I  spent a lot of time  on the phone today and have been doing research on the best ways to sell the various items. And the best part?  I feel OK with it. I don’t feel at all weird about selling stuff and not giving it to someone in need. I guess there needs to be more balance in my life where this is concerned.

I must confess, it actually it feels really good to have some light at the end of the tunnel again. It feels like I have more control now that there is a plan to generate some cash.

So, thank you Marcia for your comment. As you can see, it has put Project Turn-Unused-Stuff-Into-Cash in motion in a very big way. And I am so going to put those books on Kalahari…

 

 

A loss is a loss, right?

After feeling positive about weight-loss all week I woke up yesterday morning feeling heavy and bloated. I did a mental calculation in my head as to whether AF was due and actually, she’s only meant to come in about 2 weeks. I nearly didn’t go to weigh in because I was fearful of what the feeling of being bloated would do to the scale.

Anyway, I’m glad I went. I only lost 0.4kg which I guess is better than nothing. I was bummed though, because in my mind all week I saw at least a 1.4 kg loss. I did not cheat at all. I drank all my water. I weighed all my food. My Mom says that any loss is a loss because the alternative would be to gain the weight.

When I arrived home I immediately went to my BFF Dr Google and typed “all about being bloated” into the search engine. Well. The answers were very clear about why I ended up being bloated and I have learnt something.

I need to be staying away from beans and cabbage. I am trying to cut out all forms of meat and have experimented with legumes this past week. I LOVE beans and have had it more than twice this past week. I even had chickpeas which I hardly eat. I also made myself coleslaw everyday for work with carrots and cabbage so need to reconsider this. Apparently lentils don’t cause bloating – thank goodness because I LOVE lentils too.

The other thing that is causing bloating is my milk intake. I don’t have a milk allergy but I am lactose intolerant. I can take some milk in very, very small amounts. I have a small yoghurt everyday and less than a cup of Fat Free milk with my breakfast. I also indulged in Fat Free cottage cheese this week.  Gosh, it was just soooo divine. Apart from a few smallish, hardly noticeable cramps, it didn’t seem to upset my tummy at all and I just continued it with it. In my naïve mind I thought that maybe I outgrew the lactose issues or something?  Please don’t laugh. Well. Dr Google says that if you are lactose intolerant then taking in milk will bloat you. So I need to work around this too.

Also, I need to work on my sugar intake. I have cut down significantly on sugar. I used to have a coffee with at least 3 teaspoons. Now I have unlimited serves of rooibos and I use only one flat teaspoon.  I was thinking last night that this is obviously adding up because I drink at least 5 smallish cups of rooibos per day. My lovely Mommy went to go and buy me some Canderel.

I felt disappointed yesterday but I am over it now.  I know where the improvements need to be made and I do feel a lot better today. I am going to the Granny Gym tomorrow and have found a skipping rope among my Tween son’s toys.

So, I am off to do 100 skips.

Later.

 

Becoming a grown-up part 2: A Weighty Matter plus Health and Fitness

I am generally very lucky and extremely blessed when it comes to my health. I am relatively healthy and hardly get sick except for the occasional cold/period pain/ headache etc.

Last year was the worst year ever in terms of my health. It really took a knock due to various factors, the main ones being that I was depressed, I was under a tremendous amount of stress and I generally just wasn’t looking after myself. Last year I was constantly sick and had the flu every single month, I started to develop sores in my mouth due to stress and depression and I even had a bout of Pleurisy after some hectic bronchitis . Not fun at all.

I  have mentioned before that I am currently the fattest I have ever been. I was a size 8 all my life until I got pregnant. I don’t pick up that much weight during pregnancy (I picked up 12 kg for pregnancy #1 and 14 kg for pregnancy #2) but after pregnancy #2 the weight just didn’t go away even though I was breastfeeding. I have been in denial about my weight for a good couple of years now. I avoid mirrors at all costs (I only use a small one to apply make-up and check my hair)  and it only really bothers me when I need to go and buy clothing, or when someone passes a comment or when I  have to go out and have nothing to wear.

People (usually the fattest ones of all) tend to pass comments when you are overweight. I don’t know why they feel they have the right to/ need to do that. I don’t know when they decided that my weight was their business. Do they think that I don’t know that I am fat? Do they think that I don’t see the number in the clothing label? Do they think that I didn’t hear them the first time they mentioned it?

I am very sensitive towards overweight people because I know how those types of  comments can sting.

At the beginning of this year my Mom spoke to me. She told me that she was worried about me and that I made her anxious because she saw me as a heart attack waiting to happen. She asked me to please face reality and think about what I was going to do about my weight and to come and speak with her when as soon as I’m ready because she was totally  prepared to help me. Obviously this conversation had me in tears and I went back to her the next day to tell her that I was thinking of joining Weigh Less or something similar. She offered to pay for me for the first 3 months and provided me with some incentives if I wanted her to continue paying for it after 3 months. Kind of like the way I bribe my kids sometimes.

I thought about a lot of things over the past few weeks and decided that it is time to make some major changes in this area of my life. In line with my health and fitness goal I have decided to do this:

Check Up:

Go for a complete Physical and check cholesterol levels and everything else.  I have one scheduled in 2 weeks time.

Exercise :

My brother offered to be my running coach. I accepted his offer but then my ankle started acting up and I wasn’t feeling so good about running anymore. I then spoke to my cousin who is a personal trainer about a few sessions. He said yes but is taking too long to get back to me and just seems to be so busy and booked up. My friends Mom suggested that I go to the community centre close by and do aerobics twice a week. It’s mostly much older ladies (read: Granny types) there but she goes and it works well for her. And the best part is that it’s only R20 per month and everyone is welcome. They do Circuit training on Mondays and Aerobics on Thursdays. On both these days you need to be there about 30 minutes before the time because they first go for a brisk walk. In between all this I am climbing stairs at work (I’m on the 3rd floor) and I’m getting a Zumba DVD from my friend.  I’m thinking that this is the perfect way for me to start my exercise programme seeing that I am so unfit.  Seriously. How hard can it be to exercise with Grannies who have had hip replacements and things like that? My plan is to stick this out for say 3 months until I feel stronger and then find an upgraded exercise routine. I am starting with this on Monday. I am also considering doing Ashtanga (Power) yoga which is a very, very physical discipline  and I do actually need to be relatively fit before starting this. I am hoping to start this in about 3 months when I am reasonably fit from going to the Granny gym.

Join Weigh Less:

I joined Weigh Less on 22 January 2011. I got the shock of my life when I stepped onto the scale. I knew I was fat but I certainly didn’t picture THAT number. The consultant (she is fabulous btw and sends me encouraging emails every day) worked out a healthy weight loss for me and calculated that I need to lose between 20 and 26 kg. She told me to aim for 20 and then reassess at that point if I want to be thinner. I was too shocked to say anything and couldn’t even focus enough to plan a meal for the next 2 days. Eventually I came around and I started with Step 1 which is essentially a detox.  On day 1 I drank 2 litres of water – more water than I had consumed probably in an entire quarter. The food was divine and I had a lot of fun experimenting but I felt like crap for at least 4 days. I went through serious withdrawals from coffee, coca cola  and all things fatty. I had a permanent headache, I was dizzy, my tummy was upset (from all that fibre) and I felt completely exhausted, so much so that I took 2 days off work to rest. On day 5 my energy levels started coming back and I felt like a million dollars. And the best part? I lost 2.4kg that week and am totally inspired to lose 27 kg now. You can never be too thin or too rich right? I am going to weigh-in again tomorrow and I just know that I’ve lost because I can feel it on my clothing. Maybe I will attempt to put that ticker thingy up on the blog. Or maybe I should do a before photo?? I’ll see.

Put my entire family on a health trip:

I am currently looking for something that we can all do for fitness. I am not sure what would be the best option. I was thinking that maybe we could do walks or something. Going to look into this some more.

I will update after I weigh-in tomorrow.

Internet usage and computer time

I have mentioned before that I heart Google and that he (not sure why Google can’t be a girl) is my BFF. I have to be on it a lot of the time and I cannot bear to miss out. I crave media. I crave contact. I crave all the bright lights that go along with having a Google addiction. I literally become antsy if I haven’t been on for a while.

Lately my husband has been complaining that I am spending too much time with my BFF.  He feels neglected. He would like us to watch a TV Movie and hold hands. He would like us to go for the occasional walk outside. He would like us to hang out – and not just while we are doing chores and seeing to the kids.

He also loves Google but somehow he finds it easier to incorporate it and dismiss it from his life as and when he needs to. He can actually NOT go onto FB for months on end and it’s OK.  He checks personal emails twice a day (NOT EVERY 30 minutes like me), he prefers watching the TV News to reading online news.

My sons have also been complaining – in their own little ways. My Toddler starts to cry when he sees me sitting down at my desk and doesn’t give me a moment’s peace when I’m at the computer and my Tween son just walks out. It’s like he knows that he won’t be able to accomplish anything with me now that my BFF is around. Personally, I think that he understands me the best. He gives me my space when I need it.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not neglect my kids in any way.  I get home and complete all the cooking, admin, homework assistance, bathing of kids, tidying up (albeit rather haphazardly), put my kids to bed etc. BEFORE I log onto my computer. The problem for them (and for me actually) is that I am not fully present. I am rushing to get things done so that I can go  to my BFF.

I spend approximately 4hours every night on the internet. I battle to sleep at night, I am tired in the mornings, my neck and shoulders need a massage, I do not read enough anymore and my husband is sulking. We are actually fighting a lot about my internet usage. BIG RED FLAG.

I have thought about this for most of last week. I cannot go without Google but I DO need to be more fully present. For myself, my sons and for my husband. I guess it is all about balance and this is essentially what I need to find.

I have decided that I am going to be checking FB only once a day. I have selected a few blogs that I will read every day. The rest will be read on the weekends. I will set aside time to be on the computer during the week.  I am going to first post on my blog before commenting on other blogs. I don’t want to be on for more than one hour (this is a huge jump from 4 hours). I’m not giving up Twitter though. I’ve just started it and I love it. And I can get into bed and read my book while I tweet.

On Thursday last week I realised that I had exceeded my cap (I operate on 5GB btw…it hasn’t been enough for months and I’m always having to top up). I made a decision NOT to top up.

I really battled for the first few hours of having no internet access at home. I hate using the internet on my mobile. It was like I didn’t know what to do with myself. Then I took a few deep breaths and it was fine. I had to talk myself through it a bit but not for long.

SO.

This past weekend I read a book. FOR REAL

This past weekend I took my time preparing healthy meals and they turned out beautifully – my food usually burns while I am scanning and commenting on FB and Tweeting.

This past weekend I cleaned my house. PROPERLY.

This past weekend my DH and I went for a walk.

This past weekend I took my son on a play date and went for a FREE Kundalini yoga class. (I am not a fan of Kundalini btw and won’t be going back to that particular discipline anytime soon). When I went to fetch my son, his friends Mom and I chatted for another half hour before we left. Was so nice to have a totally enjoyable impromptu chat without worrying that I need to check my emails.

This past weekend my DH and I watched series. What do you think about Dexter? Not the cartoon, the serial killer. I must admit to being simultaneously fascinated and creeped out by him at the  same time.

This past weekend my kids came to lay in my bed and I read to them for the first time in ages. My Tween and I alternated pages reading to my Toddler. We read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. My Toddler eventually got bored and walked off, my Tween and I continued to read to one another. I loved it! I wish I had read Roald Dahl when I was younger.

This past weekend I HAD A NAP. It was glorious.

This past weekend, my DH and I reconnected.

This past weekend I was present. And I loved it. And I definitely want me some more of that.

Pregnancy Fantasies

I have been pregnant twice already.

The first pregnancy I did not enjoy so much as I was in denial about it. The second time though, I truly loved being pregnant. It was a very special time for me and my DH and my now Tween son. Pregnancy #2 definitely made up for pregnancy #1.

I enjoyed my changing body shape, I enjoyed speaking to and singing to my unborn son, I loved feeling him move, I enjoyed simply watching my tummy. I didn’t pick up a lot of weight when I was pregnant and it just made my hair and skin glow. I felt beautiful in that second pregnancy. I felt completely fulfilled for the first time in a very long time. I never had nausea or any of those ugly ailments like constipation, though I did have killer heartburn and lived on Gaviscon for the duration of the pregnancy.

Now here’s the thing. I want to be pregnant again. I really do.

But I don’t want more kids. I am so done with that. I am done with pushing babies out. I am done with having to take care of an injured vajajay after birth. I am done with broken sleep. I am done with teething. I am done with engorged, leaky boobs. I am done with colic. I am done with drooling babies. I am done with all of this and more.

But I really want to be pregnant. I asked my DH how he would feel if I acted as a surrogate for a childless couple. He said NO. I am angry with him for saying no but I do understand where he is coming from as well.

I guess it is something that I can fantasize about. Sigh.

Does anyone else feel the need to be pg without the aftermath that is baby? Are these feelings normal? Is it because I’m getting older and am becoming more and more aware that I’m running out of time?

 

My name is Julia and I am a bookaholic

I am definitely not OCD and am generally way too chilled about certain things. I sometimes wish that I was just a bit OCD – just so my house and admin would always be in order.

There is one thing that I am extremely OCD about: BOOKS.

I love books and  I have a serious obsession with them. I justify this obsession by calling it my vice. I tell people that I do not spend much money on bags, shoes and make-up and that I spend my money on books.  I cannot walk past any bookshop without purchasing at least 2 new titles. I do have way too many of them in my house and yes, you can have way too many books. I am a hoarder and don’t easily give them away. In my fantasies I have at least 2 rooms dedicated to books. Each room has huge, funky couches and a fridge filled with drinks and snacks. Each room has unconventional bookshelves and soft carpets. There is even a ladder leading up to the top of my shelves.

I am definitely a book snob. If you have a book that I like then I will buy my own copy instead of loaning yours. I don’t do libraries at all.  The new book smell is no longer present and I can almost see the millions of fingerprints on the books. I keep  wondering if the previous reader washed their hands when they came from the loo and whether I’m imagining it or if that is really a food stain on page 22. I have recently started taking my kids to the library because learning how the library works is a life skill which they will need in order to do school projects and so on.  Trust me, I would not do this if I didn’t really need to do it.

I do buy most of my kids books as well and they are always getting books as gifts. And of course if you want me to really like you then you will buy me a book as a gift – or even a voucher from a book store.

The problem with having such a vice is that it has the potential to cripple you financially. And now that I am budgeting and trying to be conscious about the way I spend my money, I am really struggling to not buy anymore new books. I am fighting instant gratification on the one side and impatience on the other side.

This past weekend I worked through my bookshelf to try to create some kind of order. I boxed all the books that I didn’t really like that much and that I knew that I would probably never read again. I have plans to donate them to the R20 bookshop at the petrol garage close to where I live. I then repacked my shelves according to old favourites, most recently read and still unread. The unread books amounted to 22 titles. I am going to read them, I just haven’t had a chance as yet. I am thinking of not buying anything new until I have read at least 15 of these.

Easier said than done though. I walked past Exclusive Books in Constantia Village on Saturday and I didn’t even go inside. I know myself and I knew that I would whip out my credit card as soon as walk into EB. I literally had a pain in my heart. I’m sure that it will get easier with time. I just don’t really know how much time I am going to need to adjust to this being my new normal.

For the moment though, I am having fun with my new obsession: BOOKSHELVES.

Fortunately I really don’t have the money so can’t buy (not this year anyway) but I just love looking at bookshelves. And my favourites are all the really impractical ones that just won’t work in my house.

I thought I would share some of my favourites. What do you think about these? I just love them.

Hope

hope  (hp)

v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes

v.intr.

1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.

2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.

v.tr.

1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.

2. To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect.

n.

1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.

2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.

3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team’s only hope for victory.

4. often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God’s help.

5. Archaic Trust; confidence.

I have been thinking a lot about this topic. I have been trying to figure out what it means to have Hope.

In a way I am extremely disappointed in myself for even getting to the point where I am contemplating and deliberating this thing called Hope. Hope and I were BFFs for many, many years. One day I realised that we had drifted apart and that we had became estranged from one another. I suspect that our relationship broke down due to extreme disappointments and a few (actually many) other factors.

Intellectually I understand what it means to have Hope. I understand that if you have no Hope then essentially you have nothing to live for.

However, in real life (at least in MY life) things are never just straightforward. It’s like I am in a restaurant and I order a basic BLT sandwich and then I end up getting a Dagwood Burger with a side serving of Tripe and Trotters and Chicken Feet. Seriously. This is the story of my life. Nothing is ever just boring and normal. Nothing is ever straightforward. Hence the need to have something. Hence the need to have Hope.

The problem is that Hope seems to be just another crutch for me. All that she does is set me up for more disappointment and I am absolutely unable to cope if she doesn’t come through for me in the way that I need. She has the ability to send me spiralling deeper and deeper into depression. She creates for me a false sense of security. She seduces my mind and misleads my thinking into believing that all will be OK when, in fact, the sh*it is just about to hit the fan.

In my heart of hearts I want to believe that having Hope and being  hopeful is a good thing.

In my heart of hearts I actually  want to have a  ”crutch” of sorts.

In my heart of hearts I want to not have to over- think this one.

But, unfortunately, during this season of my life it just feels a bit meaningless to have Hope. I almost feel like Hope makes a fool of me every single time. I keep on wondering if I am hoping for frivolous and silly things and I know that I am not.

I hope that HOPE will find me once again. Soon. Because I believe with all my heart that there is really no point without her. And my heart does pine for her.  Some of the time. All the time.

Hope

Hope raised its deceitful ugly head

It opened a securely guarded heart

A ray of light illuminates the dream held deep within

And for a fleeting moment you see that dream

in all its Technicolor mesmerizing beauty

You dare to think,

You try hold back, wanting to protect

but Hope’s opiate elixir so sweet and warm

dulls the part of the head screaming – ‘wait!’

It’s too late the voice is drowned out as Hope’s

effects now course through your veins.

The dreams hope stirs are but a mirage

Reach out and touch them and they all just disappear

The elixir wears off

The vulnerable heart is left open in agony

Hope walks away laughing.

Poem used with permission from Sally-Jane Cameron.

Taken from www.thepoetryproject.co.za

Death may be the greatest of all human blessings. ~Socrates

Die, v.:  To stop sinning suddenly.  ~Elbert Hubbard

I recently attended the funeral of the FIL of one of my closest girlfriends. The man who died was about 74 or so and left behind his wife of 50 years and something like 12 children – my friends husband was the youngest of the siblings – he is 35.

My friend discussed her FIL with me over the years. He was an abusive prick.  It is not my intention to speak ill of the dead but there were no two ways about it – he was just a horrible, horrible man. He had a drinking problem, gave his (now grown-up) children regular beatings throughout the years, made them sleep outside when he was annoyed with them, sent them to bed without food on the odd occasion, made them scrub walls in the middle of the night, withheld money from his wife and, quite frankly, I could write a book about how horrible this man was based on everything that my friend has told me.

About 3 months ago I was at my friends house in her driveway getting ready to leave when her MIL came running to the gate. Her husband (my friends FIL) drove onto the pavement and was trying to run her over with the car! Seriously. After this incident my friend insisted that her MIL apply for a protection order against her FIL  and took her though the process at the magistrates court.

My friends husband ended up in therapy some years ago due to issues with his father and tries extremely hard to prove to himself and everyone else that he is NOTHING like his father. He struggles with a lot of things in his life due to this flawed individual who was essentially the first male in his life.

Anyway, as I was saying – this man died at the end of last year. He needed an operation and had an aneurysm or a burst blood clot or something similar on the operating table and the doctors could not save him. The family was obviously devastated. I guess it doesn’t matter what he was like, at the end of the day he was their father and husband and I suppose he did have a place in their hearts..

AT the funeral they were extremely emotional. They sang his praises. They cried for what they had lost. They re-iterated all his good points.

I was not feeling it at all. I could not reconcile the man who I saw trying to run his wife (aged 70) over with a car with the man who everyone was praising. I remember seeing the anger in his eyes when he got out of the car and verbally abused his wife in front of me and my friend. I remember how shocked I was because I had never ever seen old people fight like that in public or even in private. I remembered him storming off in his car when my friend and I took her MIL inside the house to give her something to calm her. I remembered all of this as well as some things that my friend had told me over the years and I simply could not reconcile THAT man with the now deceased man who the surviving relatives  were describing. They were praising him for being a strong man and a good disciplinarian.  A strong man and  good disciplinarian!!!

Seriously. Is this merely a matter of perception? Since when does beating your kids up make you a strong man and a good disciplinarian?

It made me wonder about death and grief. Does death and/or grief cause you to forget all the ugliness? Does death and/or  grief make you forget someone’s flaws? Does death/and or grief make you question what you could have done better even though the person who died was a completely messed-up individual? Can it  really make you lose perspective like that?

I really don’t know. I do have kids and I am in love so  I totally get the concept of  loving the “sinner”  but at the same time not condoning  the  ”sin”. I guess I am extremely blessed to not have grown up in that type of environment. And I guess I really don’t know what I would have said or done if I was in that particular situation. I guess I do not completely understand grief.

All I know is that that family deserved better.

All I know is that they did NOT deserve to be treated in that way while he was alive.

All I know is that my heart breaks for my friends MIL. How on earth do you start over when all you have known for most of your 50 odd years of marriage  is verbal, emotional and physical abuse??

 

Becoming a grown-up – part 1 – Money Matters

There are certain things that one should have ones head around by the time you reach adulthood.

Things like budgeting and planning meals and paying the bills on time and planting vegetables and recycling  and being organised and roasting a chicken and entertaining without being all anxious about it. Obviously there are a lot more grown up things that you should kind of have the hang of. I’m going to just focus on the few things that are completely complicating my life at the moment.

I am one of those people who just really battle with the concept of being a grown up. It is so overrated at times and yet it does need to happen at some stage. I am going to be doing a series of posts on my coming of age as a grown-up. It’s either going to happen fortnightly or monthly – I’m still trying to decide what would be more realistic.

In line with one of my goals for 2011 I’m first going to be tackling finances. I have made a list of grown-up stuff that need to be done in order for me to attain this goal.

1. Have a will drawn up – this was done in last year. I still need to have it signed, witnessed and filed.
2. Work out a budget – I know that this is a basic thing. Not for me because I don’t do it.
3. Make a revised list of creditors
4. Contact said creditors and make reasonable payment arrangement plans with them.
5. Set up debit orders for monthly school fees and aftercare fees for the rest of 2011. This does cost a bit more in bank charges but I seem to be too undisciplined to make the transfer every month.
6. File all old statements and receipts
7. Create a file for SARS
8. Have a look at what I’m currently spending on bank charges. Contact bank and see if they can do something about it for me. If necessary – CHANGE BANKS!

 

Contact an independent broker to discuss the following:

 

1. Current Life Cover in place. Assess if it needs to be revised or changed or upgraded.
2. Savings options and/or investment/unit trust options. There are just so many products to choose from that I cannot decide.
3. Current Pension/Retirement plans that are in place. Assess if I will realistically be able to retire and live relatively comfortably AND be able to still afford proper Medical Aid with the current cover. I do NOT want to be a pauper when I am old.
4. I would like to take my family on a proper holiday this year and need to open up some or other holiday fund account/policy to make it happen.

 

What I have done so far:

1. I have contacted my broker and have set up an appointment for next week.
2. I have dumped every single statement in my house in 2 black bags. This weekend (maybe even starting tomorrow) I will sort it by date etc. and box and seal what is not needed. I will also create a filing system to accommodate anything that is current.

 

I will update in the next couple of days on my progress.