Life is life. Na na, nana na – Opus

Sjoe. It’s been a while, yes?

I have been a bit on the busy side. So busy that I haven’t really been reading blogs or commenting. In fact, I’ve hardly been online.  I even have unanswered emails – soooooo unlike me. I did a bit of a catch up today though and I feel a bit better.

My NBL put me on a new account at work (just for this month) which has been super interesting. I LOVE learning new stuff and it’s kept me very busy, which is lovely. I needed to be challenged – she could see that I was bored and ready to stick some pens in my eyes. Let’s see what happens next month.

My home life has been busy too. My husband has been working late and so I’ve been a Single Married Mom, very busy with ridiculous projects with Child1 and helping him to study – his entire exam takes place within one week starting on 27 May. I’ve also been trying to prepare him for tomorrow when the new teacher starts. And I’ve been trying to (unsuccessfully) prepare Child2 for the next two weeks.. He’s going to this school that I don’t want him to go to for some observation. I don’t think he’s understanding that life is going to be a bit different for the next two weeks. HE does not appear to grasp this.  AT ALL. So, fun times ahead in this house.

People around me are having lots of problems too. Some friends. Some family. I don’t get involved but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t affect me. I am a feeler after all. Terrible, but true.

And between all of this I have been catching up on sleep, on reading,  and watching House. I LOVE House. Do you watch House? I think he’s really cool but I would NOT be able to cope with him as my Dr.

Anyway. That’s where I’m at right now. I spent the day nursing Child2 because he’s not hundreds. There’s this cough and fever thing that he has going. Can’t have him getting sick now. I think he’s getting better because he just screamed at Child1 (who is being himself and trying to nurture his sick brother) to leave him alone to watch his Barney and go and tidy up the bedroom! I tried to keep a straight face but I couldn’t.

I hope that you are well. And I hope that you will have a fantastic week.

Bags and lunches and clothing are all sorted for tomorrow and so it’s all systems go.  Am going to test Child1 quickly and then I’m off to bed with my book.

How was your weekend? What’s happening in your life?

 

Being too busy = not fun

Sometimes, despite my best intentions, I end up being way too busy.

I actually hate being busy all the time. 

Especially with stuff that I don’t particularly enjoy.

Stuff that unfortunately involves kids.

Stuff that I must do because of parenting obligations.

Stuff that I must do because I simply can’t afford to pay someone else to do it for me.

Stuff that I must do because there is no one else to do it.

I find it very easy to relax and do nothing. Stare into space. Lie in the sun. Read my book.  Watch series. Knit.  Hang out online. Socialise and connect with friends. Go swimming.

The past two weeks have been a complete killer.  I don’t even take a seat when I walk into my house. Because I know that I would battle to get back up. I’d probably fall asleep on the couch. So I put my bag down and start working. And I end up being busy until very late.

I keep my expectations low. I plan my day very carefully. I set boundaries and say no to a million things – this does seem to get easier the more I do it.  I prioritise to within an inch of my life.

And yet. I am so very busy doing stuff that I hate. Mind-numbing routine things. Mundane things. Mothering things. Cleaning things. Admin things.

I do what needs to be done because I really have no choice.

I keep thinking that we are only 9 weeks into 2013. I wonder when I will be able to catch a breath. When I will be able to go for a run again. When I’ll be able to get into bed at a decent hour so I can read.

And I think to myself that this cannot possibly go on. I cannot be this busy in 2013. Something needs to be done. But what?

What does one do when there are no options but to do it yourself? Do I leave my house dirty? Do I decide that I’m done supervising Child1 and (to his own detriment)  leave him to his own devices with homework/projects/studying?  Do I decide that I’m done with this nurturing that everyone else is benefiting from?  I don’t know. But I do need to think about how I’m going to go forward. Because this cannot possibly go on.

Do you often feel that you are just.too.busy?

Exactly how does one “un-busy” oneself if there are no alternatives?

February kicked my butt!

…but  it was just awesome. I have learned something though:

I really am too old to be on the move all the time. I am still trying to recover from week 2 when I had something on every single night of the week!

Anyway, here’s a summary of the most fun-filled February in YEARS!

Movies watched:

Silver Linings Playbook – Loved it..

Argo – Loved it.

The Notebook – I liked it.

Create:

I finished a scarf that I’d been knitting for a long, long time

I downloaded some free printables for V-Day for my Boyfriend and  my sons.

Child1 and I made some bookmarks for his Mondeling demonstration. I think I’ll blog these things later this week.

Started a piece of embroidery. Not done. I got bored.

Celebrations:

C and C’s wedding

S and Y’s wedding

Socials and Friend Dates:

A spot of high tea and sewing at The Cape Grace with friend S

Dinner with Friends Y and O.

Meet-up with @Fairygirl and her family.

Meet up with the funky ladies of Let’s Get Crafty.

Kids:

Beach swimming at Muizenberg, a swim at St James, an eat-out adventure at a Chinese place on the Chinese New Year -even Child1 aka the world’s fussiest eater loved it.. Frozen yoghurt, window shopping and silly photo booth pics – not sure yet, maybe I’ll post one.

Books read:

House Rules – Jody Picoult – enjoyed a lot.

Beatrice and Virgil – Yann Martel – still in progress. I was WAY too busy having fun to read or to watch TV for that matter!

Shows Watched:

Rodriguez – beautiful and moving and just stunning.

Things bought:

New pair of jeans, one of those many-styles-in-one tops in black.

Fortunately my March is quieter and ends with the Easter Weekend.

How was your February?  And CT-people, how bad is this heat today? For the first time in my life I have wished for some wind to cool down the heat!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seven on Sunday

• Sjoe. I have been BUSY! I actually need to write a post on that busy-ness. It doesn’t make me happy. I find it easy to take timeout and have downtime and I REALLY hate being busy, especially with things that I don’t particularly enjoy.

• The past two weeks have been all about Child1, tests in all subjects, projects, speech prep and practice and Afrikaans mondeling prep and practice.  I was hardcore and I PUSHED him. He didn’t fight me. Maybe because he knew he had no choice in the matter. He actually  thrived. I am knackered. Because pushing your kid actually takes a lot of YOUR time and is exhausting. My BB status last week was Moeg Perd. Or rather Tired Horse. Thankfully this round of tests will finish up on Wednesday and then we can all breathe again for a bit.

• In the meantime, Child2 appears to have forgotten that one actually needs to do ones business IN THE TOILET. He seems to prefer the yard and all these other odd places. I think he’s missing me a lot. I haven’t really spent a lot of time with him these past 2 weeks. I tried to have alone time with him yesterday but we both fell asleep. LOL…does that count? I am planning to fetch him early one day this week and will take him to the park or something. Btw…do you know how hard it is to have Mommy and Me time with a kid who doesn’t really do conversations? Pffft.  I will continue to try to believe that we’ll get there.

• Yesterday afternoon my DH took Child2 to a B-Day party so that Child1 and I could do Maths.  My DH says he was anti-social and refused to take part in party games. He preferred to play with the chickens, jump on the trampoline and hog the cake table. I feel I must phone the B-Day girl’s mom to apologise because quite honestly I am mortified! My DH is completely unperturbed  by it all. Is this a male/female thing? He says that the Mom was very cool about it all (her daughter is in Child2′s class and so she knew what to expect) and that at least our child didn’t meltdown and perform like one of the other kids! Oy.

• Added to all this I have had the worst PMS EVER! I wrote about 12 blog posts this week. All fueled by PMS. Fortunately I was too busy with Child1 to get onto WordPress so I have spared you all that angst and emotional drama. Eish. I need to get this pesky period done away with ASAP. 

• I won tickets to a Stars Workshop  off this blog. Btw…that happens to be one of my favourite blogs at the moment. I will do a post later this week and link some new blogs that I discovered in the last couple of months.  Anyway, the workshop took place yesterday and was fun! Exactly what I needed.  I took a good friend along and we had a GREAT time connecting.

• Our neighbour woke us this morning at 8am with warm koeksisters (or koesiesters as we say in coloured country) which we had for breakfast with tea. Isn’t that just divine of her? Most of my Sunday was spent in bed though. We were out of the house at 9:15am this morning. We visited MIL and then my Dad and were back home by 11am. I then got into bed and stayed there up until about an hour ago. Right now the kids are bathed and fed and I’m doing a quick tidy-up before I get back into bed with Rose who I’ve really been neglecting of late.

How are  you and how was your weekend?

This week promises to be easier than the last few and I plan to READ A LOT!

What does your week look like?

 

Escapism and the week ahead

So I had a seriously divine weekend.

It consisted of some socialising with SIL and her friends, beach swimming that left me feeling exhilarated and pumping with endorphins, playing with kids, visiting my parents, movies (I watched The Notebook and DID NOT CRY – could there be something wrong with me?), a trip to Wellington (about 100km away) and a divine braai and some more swimming with Leigh-Ann and her beautiful family. I am usually nervous to take Child2 to new people because of the fact that he’s so unpredictable, but he was just fine and we had a lovely afternoon.

I got into bed last night and had plans to read but I was completely knackered and fell asleep after about 5 minutes.  I was out cold by 21:10.

So yes, it was a BEAUTIFUL weekend.

Pure escapism from reality. I did not go onto SM (OK, I did just a bit – 10 minutes max for the entire weekend broken up into 3 little snippets), I did not read a single news report, I did not listen to any radio, I read only  2 blog posts so have loads of reading and comment catch-up lined up over the next day or so.  But seriously though. The silence and the lack of noise and the peace and the feelings of pure bliss that I experienced =  simply out of this world. I need to get back into NOT using SM on the weekends. I’m currently not there on during office hours so I know that it can be done.

This week I look forward to seeing Rodriguez whose music my DH introduced me to when we met.  Am too excited about this!

Child1 has a few projects coming up and so I’m going to have to spend a bit of time assisting him.

I have catch-up/goal setting sessions with all of Child2’s therapists.

AND my DH and I will be attending a wedding this coming weekend.  It’s a bit of a distance from where we live  so we’ll be sleeping out. Am excited about MORE adult time.

My Monday was a bit of a killer and I’m really thrilled to be home right now. Am off to bed in a minute or so.  Child1 and I are doing projects in my bed. Not ideal but right now it’s the only way I can help him.

How was your Monday?

Did you have a good weekend?

What’s on your agenda for week 8/52?

 

 

So much noise.

Sometimes the ugliness of the world is too much.

Sometimes the information overload ABOUT the ugliness of the world is too much.

The last few days have been like that.

So I try to escape.

I go onto social media. I seek frivolity. I seek silliness (not stupidity). I seek lightness. I seek good, old-fashioned, proper escapism.

I don’t get that from SM. Not anymore. In fact, I haven’t gotten it from there for a very long time now. That’s why I’ve been scarce in those parts.

The past few days have looked something like this.

#Anene

#StopRape

#rape

#SOTN

#Zuma

#Oscar

#Crime

#wearblack

#abuse

Plus the never-ending links to every single bit of ugliness. On FB too. The stupid and highly inappropriate jokes. The activists who are so caught up in their cause that they sometimes lose perspective. The men who become defensive. The crowd who enjoy mocking death and the misery of others.

It’s too much.

I drive in my car and on my way to and from work, I see ugliness in the headlines plastered all over the light poles.  I see judgement in those headlines. I see bias in those headlines. I see immaturity in those headlines. I see poverty in those headlines. I see the big divide in those headlines.   My son asks me questions that I can’t answer. Questions that I’m almost embarrassed to answer. How do I explain to him how very sick  some people are?

I come to work and all that is spoken about are the # topics. I go to Pick ‘n Pay and the staff working behind the bakery counter are discussing the #topics. I go and pay for my stuff and the people in the queue are loudly discussing/disagreeing on the # topics.

It’s too much. I keep thinking to myself that we are only 6 weeks into 2013 and I feel so tired. So drained. I feel that the noise is coming at me from all sides.  And all I want to talk about is the weather or some inane crap. Is that too much to ask?

I just want to escape. I want peace. I want silence. I want to NOT get anxious about every #. I want to run to an island and stay there with my kids and eat good food and walk in markets and take naps and have beach swims. I want to run. Away. Away from the madness. The ugliness. The filth.

But I can’t.  Because life is just not that simple.

Right now.

I am done.

I am going into my zone to restore my sanity.

I am getting into bed.

At 6pm.

With my kids.

We’ll skip the routine today and read books together. Or maybe we’ll just snuggle a bit.

Either way. I need to find an escape route that doesn’t have ALL THIS NOISE.

Are you OK with the noise? Do you find it overwhelming at times?

What do you do to escape the noise?

 

 

Watch out!

I think I may be getting REALLY old.

Today I saw a watch that I like. A watch!

Don’t you just love when you don’t go looking for something and then you find that something? Or when you previously hated something and then you see that something looking so pretty and then you wonder why you actually don’t like that something? I know that sounds odd.

Do you know that I haven’t worn a watch since High School? Maybe even before that? I don’t particularly like the feel of it against my skin. Well, I DIDN’T like how it felt against my skin. So I took it off and NEVER wore it again.

Well. It has been decided. I’m going to buy this watch. It just looked so funky!

I told my friend that I’m going to buy a watch. I sent him a pic of the watch because he’s clever with this kind of stuff. He advised me to buy a few. So I can mix and match it with my outfits. Sigh. He complicates things so much sometimes! Goodness me. I’m just about coming around to the idea of wearing a watch. It seems like such a grown up, “Mommy” thing to do.

I usually use my phone or any electronic device (computer etc) if I need to know the time. I even call 1026 sometimes! And I have clocks all over my house. I have a thing for pretty alarm clocks. If you want to make me happy then just buy me a cute alarm clock.

I don’t wear any jewellery. Not even wedding rings. It feels weird against my skin. I do wear tiny earrings and very occasionally I may wear a necklace. Only for short periods though. Can you see what a big deal it is for me to actually like and buy and plan to wear a watch?

My DH doesn’t wear a watch – says he will NOT be governed by time. Both my kids have watches but don’t wear them– apparently it irritates them.

Do you wear a watch? Is there a science to buying one or do you just take the prettiest one?

Do you have a different one with each outfit? Would it be weird to wear ONE watch with EVERY outfit? Because that’s what I plan to do.

Ps..child2 has this new habit of wearing my hair elastics around his wrists. I have no idea what that’s about. It looks like elastic bangles. He was unpacking my bag earlier (apparently there are so many cool treasures in there) took out two 10c coins and put one on each of his ear lobes. He tried to walk straight but they kept falling off. Now he’s lying down on the couch keeping his head at an angle so they can stay in place. I suspect I’m going to come home one day to find him with pierced ears.

Pps…my google reader is acting really funny. It keeps showing the last 10 posts of EACH blog as unread. I have marked everything as read THREE times already. And it still happens! As soon as a new post comes in and I click into it then it AGAIN shows the last 10 posts as unread. Anyone else experiencing this?

Ppps…Monday was a complete killer and the only thing that made it bearable was my finding my future watch. I am off to bed with my Rosie now. How was your Monday?

 

Friendship Friday: when your partner is uncomfortable with a particular friendship

I was actually going to blog about how much fun I had this past month and then I decided to blog about friendship instead! I’ll do the fun-stuff blog post tomorrow.

I’m currently in a situation where my DH is not comfortable with me pursuing a particular friendship.

Let’s start with some background:

My DH has a close friend.

OK, WE have a close friend. Our close friend dated this woman a few years ago. For many years actually. They have since split up. She’s now married to someone else and she and her husband have a gorgeous 4-year old boy.

She and I have remained Facebook friends despite all that went down between her and our friend, and we occasionally comment on each others status updates.

Recently I found out that her little boy is Autistic. He’s actually very severe and has no speech at all.

Anyway, she and I started messaging one another on FB and sharing stories and experiences of our ASD kids as well as other things. I LOVE having her as a bit of a sounding board and I do believe that she feels the same way.

She suggested we get together and I told her that I would love that very much. After all, it’s been YEARS since we’ve seen each other and we do seem to have so much more in common now. I even found out that she stays quite close to me, maybe 10 minutes away. She told me that the ball was in my court and that I could name a place and a time and that she would be there. With her son, of course.

So I talked to my DH about this and he went NUTS!

He’s not comfortable with me socialising with his friends ex partner. I told my DH that their former relationship was between them and had nothing to do with us.  We are all grownups and we’ve all changed and moved on. We are ALL in very different places in our lives. I honestly don’t see the big deal here.

He hasn’t budged with this ridiculous view of his. He somehow feels that me pursuing a friendship with our friend’s ex is a form of betrayal to his friend. I honestly thought that only women had these silly notions in their brains!

So I find myself in a situation where I want to pursue a friendship and my DH is opposed to it.

I’m not one of those women who will submit to and obey my husband or anything but I don’t feel completely OK about being defiant about this. My DH allows me to do and be whatever I want and never stifles me in any way. I am not someone who is devious and who will do things behind his back either.  We don’t have that kind of marriage and it’s  simply not who I am.  So I haven’t made a decision as yet about how to proceed.

Tell me what you would do in this situation?

Would you pursue a friendship that your partner was clearly opposed to?

Have you ever been in a situation where you were friends with someone who your partner really didn’t like?

How did you handle it?

Thursday: this and that

• I am home today with a tummy bug. It’s the first time in YONKS that I stay out of work for anything other than a chest issue. Not sure if I should be proud of that or what. Actually it does make me a bit happy in a weird sort of way.

 

• I found a really nice church that I like. I don’t quite know if I should stop looking and just stay there or what. Need to think about this some more. Do you normally continue to look even if you find something that you like or do you just stop right there with the search?

 

• There is someone in my life who is quite needy. I don’t do needy very well – this is why I can’t have anymore kids. I have spoken to the person about this and it would seem like I’m going to need to go hardcore. Do you do needy very well? If so, how? Because really, I ALREADY have kids!

 

• This past weekend I got a bee in my bonnet. I decided to home school Child1 for High School and I was googling myself into a frenzy to find a home school curriculum  Alas, there is NO WAY that I can do it. We need two incomes in our family and to be honest, I haven’t found many great blogs of Moms who homeschool high schoolers.  I am not sure I feel confident enough to pull this one off. So yes, he’s going to school.  Even though I KNOW that home schooling him would be best.

 

• It has been SUPER HOT in CT these past few days. I just about coped but it was NOT easy.

 

• I looked at my calendar last night and decided that my weekends were just too busy for this month. So I cancelled/postponed EVERYTHING that was happening on a Sunday because I really do need to have my Sundays free to rest and read and watch series and generally be all lazy and sloth-like.

 

• I have a wedding to attend on 23/02 and it’s quite far from where I stay. My DH suggested that I book a B&B close by so we could relax afterwards (it’s a family friendly, morning wedding) and sleep over. We decided to leave our kids at home and I am rather looking forward to this kid-free time with my Boyfriend!  There’s a pool at the venue so I may even swim afterwards! Am looking for a place to sleepover as I type this up

 

• Right now, I’m getting back into bed with Rose. Despite the fact that I am feeling a bit on the terrible side, I have LOVED having hours to just read.

How are you and how’s your day going? What does your weekend look like? My Saturday is chock-a-block. That’s why I NEED my Sundays to be free.

Humpity Hump!

So far my week has been hectic and has included Neuro appointments, banking business, vitamin shots and school meetings. And  it’s only Wednesday!

Anyway. I thought I’d provide a few updates!

• I got a call this past Friday from a school that has Child2 on their waiting list. It’s a school for kids on the Autism Spectrum. They wanted me to bring him in for an assessment/interview. I couldn’t make the assessment as we had a prior appointment that couldn’t be moved, and the receptionist then told me that she would possibly only call me later this year.  To be honest, I was relieved that we couldn’t go and I told her that I was happy for her to do that. Child2 is doing really well at the moment and I’m happy with where he is.  I’ve had lots of time in the last while to think about schooling solutions for Child2. My DH and I have gone back and forth on this and we’ve made a few decisions. I’ll write about my thoughts on this matter tomorrow.

 

• I saw Child2’s non-private Neuro on Monday and we talked about my feelings about future schooling. She understood exactly where I was coming from and she promised to support me no matter what I decided, as long as I went into situations with my eyes wide open. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE her? I always go with a long, long list of VERY technical questions and she manages to fly every time. She KNOWS her stuff and this reassures me A LOT.  We have an appointment with our Private Neuro in April and I will talk to Dr S some more about this.

 

• I am LOVING spending time with my extroverted friend. We really  are having soooo much fun!

 

• This past weekend my DH was away and I had to pull the car into the driveway at night (which I NEVER do btw).  I managed to scratch the side of the car against the wall! I thought that he would be livid but he missed me sooooo much that he was fine with it! The kids and I had a lovely time at home and I got soooo much done which PROVES that he is the main distraction in my life.

 

• I am a bit unimpressed with Child1’s school at the moment. His teacher is having a baby in June and goes off in May. She informed us in our meeting that her pregnancy is considered to be high risk and she even highlighted all the reasons why this is the case. I hope and pray that nothing unexpected happens before that – for hers and her baby’s sake and selfishly,(yes!)  for the sake of my Child as well.  Fact is, the school knew last year that she was going to be having a baby this year.  Why they left her in Grade 7 (i.e. a BIG school year with MANY expectations) and couldn’t move her to a lower grade just for this year is beyond me. I know that these things happen (really, I’m not angry at her for being pg as has been suggested) and that it’s not the ideal situation even for kids in a lower grade but it is even less ideal in the final year of a kids life at primary school. Am a bit annoyed at the planning to be honest.  I tried to get them to move him to another class but apparently it’s rocket science so we’ll have to live with it.  My DH and I are talking about what we can do to make this easier somehow.

 

• Anxiety seems to be making a very regular appearance in my life. My AD’s have always managed this but lately they seem to be making very little difference to this part of my life. I am not keen to go and have my dosage adjusted but it looks like I’m going to have to go that route – I need to think some more about how I’m going to fix this. I can no longer live with sweaty palms and my heart beating LOUDLY out of my chest and my stomach permanently being in a knot. Goodness me, I even want to smoke!  It’s officially started to affect my life. That’s not on and I won’t tolerate it. My peace needs to be restored ASAP.

 

• THIS BBM between my (childless) friend and I made me sooooo happy today. I literally could not stop smiling.

Friend L:  I was telling my mom what a great mother u are
Julia:  Oh please! Don’t be silly.
Friend L:  Told her your children very well mannered!! Even though Joel struggling with speech he still has to know his pleases and thank yous!
Friend L:  U have a lot of challenges most ppl don’t have to deal with, but u doing an awesome job just in case u sometimes doubt it
Julia:   Thank you.  X

That’s it for the moment.  I feel like taking a sick day later this week just so I can rest and get my brain to go a little bit quiet. A yoga session and an ocean swim won’t be bad either. Think I need to make that happen ASAP.

How are you doing on this hump day? Any tips to deal with anxiety?