Friendship Friday: Does age matter?

I have ALWAYS been attracted to older people. This fact used to on the one hand, reassure my parents and on the other hand, freak them out a bit. I always had older friends and very few friends my age. I had NO friends younger than me.

Now I was a bit of an old soul but as I matured and as people my age have matured it has become easier to be friends with them, regardless of how old they are.

I do find that age is only a number but on the other hand it is so much more.

My 40plus friends are so much more  comfortable with who they are. I find that they just get more and more beautiful with age. I find them less judgemental. I find them way more at ease with who they are and with who others are in relation to them. I find them fascinating and wise and quite frankly, just FANTASTIC.

My 30plus friends are kind of where I am in my life with many, many things. They are young-ish parents, they are coming into their own and at this stage there is just SO MUCH in common in terms of the struggles we face.

I have never been able to be friends with younger people until recently. I think it generally had a lot to do with where we were in our lives. Even now, the younger friends that I have are all Moms. And they all seem to be hippies and earth Mommy-types.

I don’t generally need to have a common interest with someone to be their friend, BUT I find that with my 20plus friends,  it does come in handy.

I do try not to be conscious of the fact that some of them are “younger” in age and in the last while this is what I’ve learnt about friendship and age:

• Age really is just a number.
• In order for ANY friendship to thrive there needs to be mutual respect and a sincere connection between the parties, regardless of their ages.
• I  have limited and closed myself off to MANY friendships over the years because of being “age-ist” and I have missed out on so much!
• Being older doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is more mature. I’ve met some 40year olds who behave like 12 year olds and I’ve met some 22year olds who are just fascinating and dynamic and so, so mature.
• Even though I’m friends with women in their early 20s,  I STILL can’t be friends with MUCH YOUNGER women i.e. anyone under 21. It’s just weird for me.

Is age an issue for you when it comes to friendship? Do you gravitate towards older or younger friends?  How old is your oldest friend and how old is your youngest friend?

Ps…my oldest friend is 55. I LOVE her. My youngest friend is 24. I LOVE her too!.

Pps..I planned ONE friend date for the month and I didn’t even get to set it up yet. Because just THIS PAST WEEK ALONE, I went on THREE friend dates – this excludes the one where I invited friend M over. They were ALL impromptu. My love tank is just sooooo full at the moment.

What a difference a year makes – September 2010 vs September 2011

On Monday last week when the Sadness took over I got a call from my guy BFF – I really should blog about him sometime.

He spoke to me about a lot of things and in his quest to encourage me he reminded me where I was last year this time while I was in the midst of the Sadness.

Of course I was not in the right space last week to think rationally about it but today I thought about where I was at last year this time.

And the more I thought about this, the more I smiled. Because I have come such a long way.

Last year this time I was literally rock bottom with the Sadness. I had gone for help (only because my DH forced the issue) and I was slowly starting to feel better – but there were many, many unresolved issues that I was still dealing with.

I literally had no interests in my life except for the occasional book that I was reading – and I wasn’t exactly reading riveting stuff or anything. It was all mindless.

I didn’t have a single goal.

I was hardly stepping out of the house except to go to work and to visit my darling Mommy.

I was not exercising.

I was fat and eating lots of fresh white BREAD with peanut butter and jam! And I was living off Coke (not the powder, the drink) – I was drinking 1.5 litres per day.

My house was a mess.

I was sick ALL THE TIME!

Certain relationships had fallen apart and I wasn’t coping so well.

Honestly? I had checked out of life and was coasting along. I knew that death was not an option because I had kids and a spouse and my parents.

I knew that somehow I had to find the courage to pick myself up. But knowing that you have to do something and actually doing it are two very different things.

Well. Fast forward one year.

This year has been tough in many ways but at the same time it is turning out to be one of my best years yet. I have had the privilege of befriending the most wonderful people who have changed my life in ways that even they could not have imagined.

This year I actually have interests. I have set some goals for myself which I am working on.

I exercise and I see myself as an athlete! I am losing weight and feeling so much better about myself.

My health issues are practically resolved – it’s just a matter of being consistent with looking after myself.

I knit. And do crafty stuff. I am even going to buy a laminating machine next month.

I try to keep my house clean and in order and for the most part I manage this really well. I am constantly looking for ways to improve on maintaining order in my home. I even work out a budget and am going to grow vegetables soon.

I am learning a new musical instrument.

I write a blog post or three every single day (even if I don’t publish it).

I am taking care of my skin and doing basic things like drinking lots of water.

When my friend put all this to me on Monday I was in tears. Today I am thinking about it and I can’t stop grinning to myself.

What a difference a year makes.

For the first time in a very long time I am actually OK. Not 100% deliriously happy all the time but 100% OK most of the time.

I am so very blessed to have gotten to this point and I am in awe of the fact that I really have come such a long way.

Where were you in September 2010? Where are you now in September 2011? Are you happy with where you are at now?

On differing opinions and expressing them in a mature manner

Lately I’ve been reading a number of blog posts where the blogger voices an opinion on a matter which I fundamentally disagree with for whatever reason.

I realise that everyone has their own opinions on various matters – there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Variety is the spice of life and all of that and we do learn from differing opinions. This is one of the things that I love about blogging. 

The other day I read a post where a blogger who had just come back from overseas noted her observations on how grossly overweight  the people were. What she said was true but it was the way that she said it that really got to me.  I felt that she was being nasty (and I am very sure that this was not her intention) and very judgemental.

I could have commented and told her that I felt that she was speaking of a subject that she knew nothing about.

I could have told her that people who suffer any form of eating disorder (whether it is anorexia, bulimia, obesity, comfort eating, food addiction etc) are actually in a lot of pain and that there is nothing black and white about a situation like that.

I could have told her that poverty and various factors play a role in our weight gains/losses and that ironically, I gained the most weight in the 7 months that my husband was unemployed because we lived off carbs (pasta/bread/rice dishes etc) because it’s cheap and can stretch into a number of meals.

I could have told her that unless she has actually been fat/overweight/obese, she will NEVER understand. But I didn’t.

My parents taught me that whatever I do in life, whether it is criticising someone or raising my children or expressing my opinion or whatever, it needs to come from a place of love and compassion and understanding and maturity. Using slurs does not come from a place of love. Neither does judging people based on what they look like.

I was tempted to respond and comment on that particular post but I didn’t because there were enough commenters fuelling that fire and I didn’t want to be a part of it.

I must just add here that sometimes commenters are guilty of the very same thing and that they can be just as nasty. I would have left the most beautiful diplomatic comment on that post because that is who I am. I can disagree with someone without being rude and resorting to name-calling and character assassination and the like.

I read another post last week where the blogger in question also voiced her opinion on a matter and in the process I felt that she came across as highly ignorant. If I was any more sensitive, then I might even have seen her as a racist which I actually don’t.  I commented on that post and I was very diplomatic about it – this wasn’t difficult at all. The blogger was gracious and even responded to my comment (in the most beautiful, kindest way) which made me respect her even more, even though I fundamentally disagreed with her views and told her as much.

I do understand that people have differing contexts and that generally we blog based on our own context and subjective experiences.

I understand that our opinions are formed based on things like morals, value systems, the way we were raised, media as well as our own realities.

I also understand that people suck sometimes and that they can be ignorant and judgmental.

I know that I have the choice to stop reading a blog if I feel that the blogger and I have nothing more “in common”, so to speak.

And I do understand that we are all going to have differing opinions on various matters. As I said earlier, there is nothing wrong with this.

I just wish that people (when they blog or comment) can realise that it’s often not what they write but the way in which they write it. The beauty of writing a blog post or a comment is that we can edit and delete and edit and delete until the intended tone comes across.

I really wish that bloggers/commenters can actually think sometimes before they press publish. Ask yourself this question: Does what I (as the blogger or commenter) have to say come from a place of love and compassion and understanding and maturity? Am I being straightforward to the point of rudeness? Can the blogger and/or other commenters benefit from what I have to say?

How do you deal with posts where you feel that the blogger is being nasty/judgemental etc.? Do you actually comment? Do you ignore? Do you call the blogger out?