There is a particular area in my life where I just cannot get my A into G. The area of BODY WEIGHT.
Actually there are many areas where I have to work REALLY hard to get my A into G and to keep my A in G. For example things like being disorganised with money, being impatient, being instant gratification etc. I go through phases where I do really well with these things provided that I nurture and maintain systems that I have implemented into my life which are there to make things run more smoothly.
I have to say that being on AD medication makes a HUGE difference to how organised I am. Those AD’s rearrange my brain and it absolutely shows in my real life. Seriously.
Anyway. Apparently there is a book out called “Why Am I Fat?”. It’s written by Jeffrey C Brown and here’s the link. There were some mentions on Twitter about it.
I haven’t read the book yet and probably won’t – though I know that I SHOULD read it. Because I KNOW why I am fat. I even made a summary. In bullets. See how awesome those AD’s are? I even think in bullets!
I will start by saying that one of the reasons I hate exercising (even if there are endorphins afterwards) is because I am fat. Yes, I will tell it like it is. I am FAT.
I am too afraid to calculate my BMI because I suspect I will be classified obese. I am even afraid to get onto the scale because I can’t face those numbers. I don’t buy myself clothing and I am panicking about the summer. Because I LOVE swimming in the ocean and I’m going to have to wear a bathing costume. Or something.
My weight hampers my ability to physically push myself to the next level. I don’t run as well as I could be running and lately I actually noticed that I am the fattest person in my yoga class. I am not going back to that particular studio. They have a mirror! Last Friday I went to something called a Synergy class which was VERY HARD – it’s a form of power yoga and moves fast and flowing. I was PANTING and sweating like a pig! Anyway I was the last one to enter the class (in other words I was late) and the only spot left was in front of the mirror. I was mortified. I felt like everyone could see how fat I was and I couldn’t stand to look at myself.
But seriously. This is why I am FAT:
- I think it’s safe to say that I am addicted to carbs –Especially BAD carbs. All the white stuff. Fancy breads. Roast potatoes. Pasta. Rice. Roti. I guess I could be called a carboholic?
- I do know that I’m not eating enough fruit and veg at the moment.
- I do know that I’m not drinking enough water at the moment – though I must say that the yoga really helps with the water intake.On Friday last week I finished 750ml AND another 500ml. IN ONE session.
- I do know that I occasionally (luckily it’s only occasionally) eat emotionally.
- I do know that I don’t only eat when I am hungry. I love eating when I am bored. I also eat habitually. Like for example when I’m watching TV or at night before bed because I keep thinking that maybe I won’t wake up so hungry that I want to eat a small country. IT doesn’t work. I wake up STARVING.
- I do know that I am a greedy guts. I have a voracious appetite. I LOVE to eat. I am not one of those who eat to live. I LIVE to EAT!
- I do know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE good food. It really does make me happy. I LOVE when people cook for me and the other day, a lady in my office brought me some of her dinner leftovers (breyani!) because she knows that I love breyani. Don’t you just LOVE that she thought about me?
- I do know that I LOVE snacking. I can snack ALL DAY LONG. On chocolate. Or salty snacks. Chips and pretzels and popcorn are my FAVOURITES. And mini-cheddars. Chocolate is for THAT time of the month only – I don’t crave it at any other time although if it is offered to me or if I need to buy them for someone then I will certainly throw one into the trolley for myself.
- I do know that I need to change my lifestyle. But it’s really become so costly. And tiring. I’m tired of peeling and chopping and weighing and numbers. I work extremely hard and I have a lot of stuff to deal with. I really would prefer to relax. Go to the beach. OR hang out with Rose. And eat what I want to WHEN I want to.
And quite frankly I am getting annoyed at myself. I am an educated woman who knows the risks of being overweight. I know that I am at risk of a heart-attack or a stroke and and and. I know that I am sabotaging myself. But why?
Do I really think so little of myself? Do I honestly and truly have no respect for my health? Do I not want to grow old? Do I not want to see my children grow up? Have I really got so little self-control?
Seriously! I can walk in shops that have all my favourite things and resist the urge to spend money. I have a credit card that I haven’t used for MONTHS and I’m not even remotely tempted to use it. And yet, I seem to lack self-control with food which directly affects my weight which makes me miserable because I can’t find nice clothes that fit etc. etc. Ugh. Such a vicious cycle.
I am going to be starting something in a few days that excludes all carbs – seriously. Am going to go all caveman-like. I’ll slowly re-introduce carbs (only the good ones) again in 2013 or something. Right now though, I need to lose this fat. Like ASAP.
Do you struggle with your weight? Do you lack self-control with food and healthy eating? How do I get past this hurdle?
Ps…Since writing this post I’ve been told that I MUST buy the book because it will help me to understand myself a bit better. I think I’ll put it onto the shopping list.