I am ready to face it and make it official.

• I’m no longer Ju-la or Ju-li-a. I am Mommy Mommy Mommy. Always said 3 times in succession. I kind of miss being Ju-la. Even Julia. Mommy is boring. Mommy Mommy Mommy is downright annoying. 
• I don’t enjoy cooking. Why it took me so long to realise this is just beyond me. See what happens if you live in Denial? You delay the inevitable realisation that will hit you when you least expect it. 
• I need to go back to running. My body is crying out for it. My mind, even more so. I need to upgrade my shoes though – this will be happening as soon as I get paid. Right now I’m in denial about the effect that this will have on my salary. I’ll just remain in Denial and then deal with it by running.
• My house is just too small for me.  I have decluttered to within an inch of my life. Yet, despite the fact that there is still no space, I continue to remain in Denial. I need a bigger house. Otherwise I will need to get rid of all the furniture.
• I don’t do well without my Vitamin B shot.  I don’t quite know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I am going as soon as I get paid.
• I need to be taking Evening Primrose Oil for my PMS. I used to take it a long time ago. It helped tremendously and gave me good skin. I don’t know why I stopped. I guess I went into Denial. Again.
• My Child has significant delays in certain areas.  It is what it is. Denial continues to make an appearance here. She’s somewhat addictive. Every time there is a bit of hope then I go back to her.

I guess me writing these things down and putting it out there makes it official? It means that I have acknowledged it and am at a point where I’m ready to deal with it?

Is there anything that you need to face today? What are you currently in denial about?

Btw…I’ve been watching a lot of Greys lately (is it possible that I just can’t get tired of it? I need to buy the series) and I have one of the most profound Denial quotes in my head at the moment. I think this is from Season 1 and it is quite frankly, the story of my life!

“Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the damn bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn’t change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It’s not just a river in Egypt, it’s a freakin’ ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?” – Meredith Grey

How do YOU keep from drowning in it?

Hope

There is this HUGE thing that I am hoping for.  Actually, there are a FEW, no – MANY things that I am hoping for at the moment. The obvious things for my family and some VERY BIG things for me.

I have a love-hate affair with Hope.  I wrote a post on it two years ago – here’s the link. I am proud to say that I have come A LONG way since I wrote that piece. I feel almost proud that I have grown so much.

But occasionally, the voices in my head are still a bit loud when I have Hope. I refer specifically to the negative voices. The voices of doom.  The voices that tell me that I am Less than. That I am not worthy. That having hope is stupid. It is a daily battle for me to fight those voices. To tell them to go to hell. To tell them that actually, Hope is not overrated. Not by a long shot.

At times I think that I may be setting myself up for disappointment. Because really, when I hope for something that doesn’t happen then I battle to accept and to cope with it. I actually go into Depression. It doesn’t help that I have occasional control-freak tendencies,  that  surrender is NOT my middle name and that I have this problem with instant gratification.

On the other hand, I feel that without Hope I have nothing. A life without hope (for me) is akin to a life without any love in your life. It is dark. And empty. And painful. And sad. And it makes me feel numb. Actually, when I have no Hope about a situation then I become depressed.

I almost feel like having Hope is inviting the good things into your life. It’s having an expectation that things WILL happen for you.

However, in real life (at least in MY life) it simply doesn’t work that way. Well, not always.

I have a beautiful friend who calls herself a Hope Junkie. She admits to being ADDICTED to it. She says that she will ALWAYS have Hope no matter what life throws at her and no matter how bad things turn out. Hope for her = Expectation of ONLY the best that life has to offer. She’s had some terrible things happen in her life. Yet, she continues to Hope for a better outcome. She Hopes. Body, Mind and Soul. She hopes  with her entire being. I really envy her. Tremendously. I want to have Hope like that. I definitely need to work on this some more.

So here’s my question:

How do you balance being Hopeful with being realistic? This is actually the issue that I have. I can’t seem to find a fair balance between the two. For me it’s either the one or the other.  I DO want this to change.

How does one NOT let Hope get the better of you?

And how do you cope when things that you Hope for just don’t materialise or work out in the way that you Hope? Do you continue to Hope? Do you go back to the drawing board?

Cat. Sheep. Cow.

CAT

I always say that in my next life I want to come back as a cat because as far as I am concerned they have the BEST LIVES EVER!

They eat when they want to, they sleep when they want to, they are very clean animals, they can literally lie in the sun ALL DAY LONG and when they want affection then they come and get it.  That sounds quite perfect to me. In fact, if Child1 and I didn’t have these allergies we would probably have a cat as a pet. Alas, it is not meant for us.

SHEEP

The other day my DH told me that one of the reasons he fell in love with me is because I am NOT A SHEEP  even though I am the family black sheep. He found that very attractive and apparently still does. He loved that I never followed the crowd, that I always liked different things and that I was almost anarchist-like and hippy-like in a way.  He LOVED that I was a thinker and a reader and that I formed my own opinions. He’s right actually. That’s exactly who I am. I think it’s why I always struggled with certain relationships. People can’t always cope with DIFFERENT, especially within the coloured community. But, as I get older and I LOVE myself more, I realise that actually, they are missing out. And that’s their choice.

Last night or rather early this morning (I have completely lost track of the time. Lauren, if you are reading this, I am sooooo sorry that I BBMed you at nearly 2am this morning! It really felt like 10pm to me), my friend who I blogged about here and I were having a BBM chat session. She’s single and in the dating game and I must say as much as I enjoy listening to her stories, I am sooooo glad to NOT be dating because I really think that I would battle. Seems like the rules are all so different!

Anyway, she said something very interesting to me. She said that it is her belief that, if I wasn’t married, then I would probably do online dating mainly because of the type of man I’m interested in. I’ve always been into older, nerdy, geeky types. And these types just don’t present themselves in the circles that I’ve always moved in. I did have a good old laugh about it. Because she’s right. I would probably be an online dater. Don’t you just LOVE it when your friends just completely GET WHO YOU ARE? I do! I was thinking about what my DH said about the sheep thing while we were having this conversation and I just couldn’t stop laughing!

COW

Lately I notice that when Child1 is angry with someone then he refers to them as a cow. He’ll say something like “Mommy, x is being such a cow. Can you believe that x did xyz or abc?”. Anyway my DH HATES if he speaks like that. Me on the other hand? I would rather have him refer to someone in that way than call them something starting with an A. So this morning I had “words” with Child2 about something naughty that he did, and of course I showed my angry face and my VERY expressive eyes. He was NOT impressed and ran off crying to my DH and said “Julia is cow!”. I laughed and laughed and laughed. First I work on his nerve and now I AM COW? What next?

How are you doing today? I was meant to go and upgrade my phone today but I am having a lazy day with Rose instead. And I have a late afternoon friend date – my first one this year!

Tell me what animal would you LOVE to be if you had the choice and why? 

Friendship Friday: From Friend to BFF

I have never ever had just ONE BFF, even though it was a desire for a few years. Now that I’m older and wiser I realise the benefits of having more than one BFF. I also realise that for someone like me (i.e. someone multi-faceted and complex), it’s unrealistic to expect ONE person to meet all my various needs. So I have a BFF for different areas in my life -  I get something beautiful and significant from each and every one of them.  How lucky and blessed am I?

It’s actually not that easy for me to get to the point where I consider someone a BFF. I do have trust issues and it takes a while for me to reach a certain level of emotional intimacy with someone.

Also, I am very fearful of rejection and I tend to avoid situations where there is even a remote possibility of that happening.  So basically, in order for us to cross over from acquaintance to BFF I would say that there are a few requirements that need to be met:

Requirement 1:

There needs to be a significant amount of trust between us. I need to know that you won’t chew me up and spit me out. I need to feel very secure within the friendship.

Requirement 2:

We need to click. There needs to be chemistry and  a “meeting of the minds”. I am a words person and the conversation (even the non-verbal communication) needs to flow. Effortlessly. You need to be GENUINELY interested in me.

Requirement 3:

You need to accept me for who I am. Completely. Even if there are parts that you don’t agree with. Even if there are parts that you are not familiar with or comfortable with. When I say that you need to accept me for who I am, then I also mean that  you need to accept my kids for who they are and you need to accept my Boyfriend for who he is. Because ultimately, they are part of me. You can’t have me and not them.

Requirement 4:

You need to understand and speak to me in my love languages, because guess what? If you mean anything to me then I will make an effort to figure out your love language and I WILL make an effort to speak to you in yours. As soon as you get the love language thing and understand my need to be affirmed, you can stay and in fact you WILL progress to BFF status.

Basically it ALL boils down to this:

Can I trust you with my heart?

Can you handle me in all my complicated glory?

Can you accept me in all my complicated glory?

If you show me that you can do this – if we get to the point where I can let my guard down with you without fear of judgement. If we get to the point where we can be in each other’s company and not need to say anything and if we get to the point where you can easily read between MY lines (believe me, I WILL be able to read through yours) then you have potential.

As for the transition part i.e us going from friends to BFFs, it will happen naturally without us even realising it. That’s the beauty of BFFs. You don’t realise that you are actually BFFs until one day when  it suddenly it hits you out of the blue that you ARE!

What do you think? Is the transition from Friend to BFF easy and effortless for you? Do you have certain “requirements?”

 

Books: a different kind of wishlist

There are certain books that I REALLY want to read but I simply “forget” to buy them or I just feel really weird spending money on them – because of the fact that they are NF.

I have read more NF this year than at any other time in my life, all in the interests of nurturing and feeding my mind  – yet I still can’t bring myself to buy it – on Kindle or in paper format.  ALL of the NF that I read this year were gifts and about 90% of what I read in this genre happened to be in paper book format.  I must say that reading NF has made me want to read MORE NF. OF course I will NEVER EVER EVER give up on regular books – they are still my first love but I have to say that making a point of reading NF has certainly added to my life in a really good way.

And so I decided to make up a wish-list of NF books. Gosh, this  feels like such a grown-up thing to do.  And I’m going to try REALLY hard to buy at least one NF books every quarter in 2013.

These are currently on my wish-list:

1. A bantu in my bathroom – Eusebius McKaiser – I follow this guy on Twitter. He also has a radio slot on 702.  I think he’s super clever.
2. In my arrogant opinion – Khaya Dlanga –  This guy is a thinker and a creative and kind of funny. I follow him on Twitter and he happens to fascinate me. I reckon we could have REALLY good conversations over drinks.
3. The Gifts of Imperfection – Brene Brown – I am a late bloomer and only just discovered her a couple of weeks ago when I listened to a TED Talk.
4. 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Aspergers – Ellen Notbohm and Veronica Zysk  -  I have only ever read one book on Autism and everything else off Google which is not always a good idea.
5. The ADHD workbook for Teens - Lara Honos-Webb – I figure I should start preparing myself?
6. Women with Attention Deficit Disorder – Sari Solden – I’d rather not talk about why I need to buy this book!
7. Killing Kebble – Mandy Weiner - I am always fascinated by regular people especially if they happen to be locals who behave like the Sopranos.
8. We need to talk - Jonathan Jansen -  He’s clever and passionate about education. I like that.  I love the way he writes but I must say I find him quite boring on twitter.

I am also on the lookout for a decent book on running techniques – there are MANY of these so I need to do my homework before deciding which one it will be. And would you believe that I don’t own a single recipe book? Well, it’s time for me to get one. I don’t know which one yet but I DO know that it needs to have step-by-step pictures and not more than 7 ingredients per recipe.

Notice that the NF that I read reflects things that are current in my life? Special Needs, current affairs, parenting and crime? OK, I’m not really into cooking but hopefully if I get that recipe book I will be inspired? If not, at least I can look at the pictures.

I do find that it takes me much longer to read NF unless it reads like a story – because sometimes one needs to mull over and have a bit of a think about the subject matter. I usually read one chapter a day – sometimes two.  I am currently reading Help yourself stop fighting about money by Corrine Sweet.

Do you buy NF for people as gifts? I must admit, I don’t actually do this unless I KNOW that it is something that the person wants, like maybe a recipe book or something.  I feel that it’s a bit risky because one never really knows if the next person will truly enjoy a NF read. Some people (I used to be one of them) simply don’t go for NF. Others (like my DH) ONLY read NF.

I’m quite fussy about how my NF needs to look. There can’t be too many words, there must be proper subject headings and enough paragraphs and the spacing needs to be perfect.  It cannot look like a novel because I would find that boring and off-putting. And of course it helps if there are pretty pictures as well. To be honest, I prefer my NF in paper format. Because I love to make my own notes in pencil.

Do you read a lot of NF? What was the last NF that you read?

If you do read NF, is there a specific book that you are interested in buying at the moment?

Friendship Friday: When you need help from your friends

I BATTLE to ask for help. It has taken me a LONG time to get to the point where I ask my parents for help.  When I speak about asking for help, I’m not only referring to things like money. I’m also referring to the practical things, like collecting my prescription because I won’t make it to the pharmacy in time or collecting Child1 from Judo or taking Child2 to therapy for me because I can’t leave work.

They thought I was being silly when I told them that I find it difficult to ask them for help. Obviously. Because I was being silly. They are my parents. Of course I can ask for ANY kind of help and I will get it, no questions asked.

This past week I was in a situation where I needed help.  I do have friends that I can call up who will move the earth for me. But I couldn’t do it. I went through the phone directory on my mobile and I just could not do it. I wanted to cry. Actually I did have a cry.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed in a way. I felt like a liability. After all, I’m the one who is ALWAYS being blessed and spoiled within the friendship due to things like financial imbalances within the friendship. It felt like I was purposely having to humiliate myself.  AGAIN. So I didn’t do it. I suffered.  In silence.

I told a friend the next day about the situation that I had been in and that I was too ashamed to call her. Of course she thought that I was incredibly silly. Fair enough. I am prepared to accept that I was being silly. Maybe even stupid.

But this is something that I struggle with, that I have always struggled with. I have NO issues with people asking me for help. I LOVE when people trust me enough and feel that they can come to me. I see it as an affirmation of sorts and it actually fills my love tank if that makes any sense.

And interestingly enough, if people OFFER to help me out WITHOUT me asking then I feel quite OK to accept. Maybe because I don’t feel like I’m putting them on the spot or possibly catching them off guard?

So this is what I need to know from you:

Could my inability to ask for help stem from either a trust or a pride issue?

Do you struggle to ask your friends for help?

How do I even begin to get over this?

Ps…I have asked friends for help already when I had absolutely no more options. It takes A LOT out of me. I ALWAYS cry afterwards and berate myself for even getting into a particular situation, even if it happens to be  something beyond my control.  Not one of them have EVER said no to me. Eish. I need to get over this. Like ASAP.

Some things I realised today

1. Some people are just naturally rude and disrespectful.
2. Child2 is more co-operative at Speech therapy when I’m not there with him. According to my Dad (his chauffeur), he runs right in and makes himself at home. When I go along he quite literally clings to me and won’t co-operate.
3. Child2 has a BALL at OT, regardless of whether I’m there or not. I think that it may be his most favourite thing after ordering things, wiping surfaces and dry salticrax biscuits.
4. It does help to talk about something – it’s as if the “load” literally becomes lighter.
5. Calculators, computer spell checks and the internet have made my brain lazy.
6. When I read blogs about  Atypical  Needs kids then I realise just how BLESSED I am. Things could have been very, very different.
7. I really should invest in a timer at home – I keep forgetting to add one to the shopping list. Otherwise I spend way too much time doing “nothing” which has further implications.
8. Some people LOVE to share their knowledge, skills and talents. Others prefer to NOT do this.
9. I am not a fan of McDreamy. That hair is too much and he’s just too pretty. I LOVE McSteamy though. He is BADASS. And HOT. And if we were seeing one another I would probably be able to score free b.o.ob jobs and li.pos.ucti.on. What a win!
10. I really enjoy watching Dirty, Sexy Money. A bit on the sordid side but, like your Nip Tucks and your Californication-type shows, you need to keep an open mind when you watch. The biggest thing I’ve learnt from these shows is that NOTHING is ever as it seems.
11. I do need to stop taking the “labels” thing so personally. After all, I CHOOSE how I’m going to perceive things.
12. There is a big difference between wanting a BABY and wanting a CHILD. I have many thoughts in my head about this one – I should blog about them.
13. Impromptu lunches during the day with my LOVE are just AWESOME.

What’s on your mind today?

Friendship Friday: Does age matter?

I have ALWAYS been attracted to older people. This fact used to on the one hand, reassure my parents and on the other hand, freak them out a bit. I always had older friends and very few friends my age. I had NO friends younger than me.

Now I was a bit of an old soul but as I matured and as people my age have matured it has become easier to be friends with them, regardless of how old they are.

I do find that age is only a number but on the other hand it is so much more.

My 40plus friends are so much more  comfortable with who they are. I find that they just get more and more beautiful with age. I find them less judgemental. I find them way more at ease with who they are and with who others are in relation to them. I find them fascinating and wise and quite frankly, just FANTASTIC.

My 30plus friends are kind of where I am in my life with many, many things. They are young-ish parents, they are coming into their own and at this stage there is just SO MUCH in common in terms of the struggles we face.

I have never been able to be friends with younger people until recently. I think it generally had a lot to do with where we were in our lives. Even now, the younger friends that I have are all Moms. And they all seem to be hippies and earth Mommy-types.

I don’t generally need to have a common interest with someone to be their friend, BUT I find that with my 20plus friends,  it does come in handy.

I do try not to be conscious of the fact that some of them are “younger” in age and in the last while this is what I’ve learnt about friendship and age:

• Age really is just a number.
• In order for ANY friendship to thrive there needs to be mutual respect and a sincere connection between the parties, regardless of their ages.
• I  have limited and closed myself off to MANY friendships over the years because of being “age-ist” and I have missed out on so much!
• Being older doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is more mature. I’ve met some 40year olds who behave like 12 year olds and I’ve met some 22year olds who are just fascinating and dynamic and so, so mature.
• Even though I’m friends with women in their early 20s,  I STILL can’t be friends with MUCH YOUNGER women i.e. anyone under 21. It’s just weird for me.

Is age an issue for you when it comes to friendship? Do you gravitate towards older or younger friends?  How old is your oldest friend and how old is your youngest friend?

Ps…my oldest friend is 55. I LOVE her. My youngest friend is 24. I LOVE her too!.

Pps..I planned ONE friend date for the month and I didn’t even get to set it up yet. Because just THIS PAST WEEK ALONE, I went on THREE friend dates – this excludes the one where I invited friend M over. They were ALL impromptu. My love tank is just sooooo full at the moment.

Please sir, can I have some more? – Oliver Twist

More time – I am being very careful with how I plan my life and what I fill it with. I still need more time. Time to just be. Time to not be busy with something. Actually I need to take at least a week off work so I can catch up with my personal life.

More exercise – Things in my life are not working out so well with this. Looks like I’m going to have to go back to boot camp. This doesn’t thrill me but, in order for me to stay sane, I must exercise.

More patience – I am being severely tested at the moment by various parties. Am trying to not lose it because that would mean that they win.

More potatoes, pasta, bread, cream-based sauces – I have to limit these foods A LOT. Otherwise I’ll get fat. And I’m lactose intolerant so I shouldn’t have cream-based stuff. Otherwise I get sick the next day.

More bacon. And seafood. And pizza. And fish and chips. And chocolate. Hell, let’s throw in some Merlot as well  – can you tell that I’m pms’ing?

More aha moments – these seem to be far and few these days. Could it be because I’m not spending a lot of time just being quiet?

More order in my brain – there is too much stuff going on in there. Too many thoughts flying around. Too many ideas that I can’t get to, too many imaginary to-do lists, and just for fun, there is even a blank section for one project that I need to sort out.

More pencils. HB.  – because I seem to have run out.

More pretty notebooks – because a girl can never have too many of these.

More love in my life – because NO ONE can ever say that they have too much of this.

More space – I have so much STUFF! Am going to have to look at building an extra cupboard or three. And of course it wouldn’t hurt me to have a space to craft and store the guitars and keyboards and the drum set that I’m budgeting for.

More freedom – financially and otherwise. Because the lack of freedom in my life is currently the bane of my existence. Surely this can’t be my life? Working for someone who doesn’t see my worth and doesn’t compensate me adequately?

More movies – I really should make more effort to go to and see movies in a theatre. I really do enjoy the experience so much.

More beautiful music – because I don’t seem to listen to it enough.

What do you want more of today?

I am a recovering shouter – part 2

In a previous post I spoke about the fact that I had made a conscious decision to be a non-shouter and I briefly went into my reasons for making this decision. As I mentioned in that post, it is incredibly challenging to NOT get to that point and in this post I thought that I would share what works FOR ME to prevent me from crossing over.

1. Set boundaries and be VERY clear about them.

This means different things to different people. To me this means putting myself first, saying no if I need to and possibly breaking up with losers/users/drainers. People outside of my home were usually the ones taking advantage of my kindness, things often spiralled out of control and then something small within the home would set me off and I would take it out on my own little family. Vicious cycle Setting boundaries to me also means being very clear with my kids about which behaviours were completely unacceptable.

2.  Get to know yourself.

Seriously. To me this means knowing what annoys me and what can push my buttons. It means pre-empting situations that could get out of control and then putting a stop to it before this happens. IT means listening to my body because it ALWAYS provides me with an indication of when I may or may not lose it.

Usually I start to breathe a bit faster and my hands start to get a bit sweaty. This is usually my cue to leave the room because when my body starts to speak to me with these signals then it means that I must leave the room immediately because crossing over is about 2 seconds away.

Getting to know myself means knowing when an argument or disagreement with my DH can and will go pear shaped.  It meant having to teach myself to fight hard and fair without losing perspective. It means knowing when to walk away. Getting to know myself also meant having to identify what triggered my shouting behaviour and doing what I could to avoid them. I have a number of triggers but I will list three of the main ones:

Trigger 1 – having people take advantage of me. This is EASILY dealt with when I set boundaries.

Trigger 2 – being surrounded by untidiness and a disorderly environment. I am by no means a neat freak but my surroundings need to have a reasonable amount of order that I can easily maintain. This is very easily dealt with if I keep my house clean and maintain order on a regular basis.

Trigger 3 – Child2’s tantrums. This drives me NUTS and I simply can’t get used to them. In order to deal with this, I watch his signals and pre-empt and if possible I try to do what I have to do to PREVENT. If he goes into a full-blown tantrum, depending on the circumstances I do one of two things. I will either walk away or I will take him into his room and wrap him tightly into a blanket (similar to how you would swaddle a baby), put him into bed, walk away (without looking back) and close the door. HE usually manages to calm himself down and will come out when he’s ready – even though he takes his own sweet time doing this. My DH is very good at helping with this because sometimes I can’t manage it on my own – especially when the arms and legs are flailing about.

3. Find other ways to deal with your kids if and when they misbehave.

For me, there was a lot of trial and error involved here mainly because my kids are VERY different and also because they are in different stages of their lives. I do find it easier to manage Child1 if he misbehaves. I can just talk to him (softly, using specific words that invoke the conscience) or I can take away a privilege.

Sometimes I use THE LOOK. THE LOOK is AWESOME. It says EVERYTHING that you want to say without you actually saying anything and it works like a charm in public places. Usually when I give Child1 the look I see the panic in his eyes. He KNOWS that he has overstepped and stops the behaviour IMMEDIATELY.

With Child2 we do a form of timeout. I find that I need to go down to his level, make significant eye contact and speak VERY firmly. I need to use my body and he needs to see that he has made me cross. I use my eyes a lot and my hands and voice. I notice that Child2 likes sign language. When I ask him kindly and firmly to go to his room he ignores me. However, when I look at him (with THAT angry face and THOSE eyes – I suppose this is his idea of THE LOOK) and point towards his room then HE RUNS!

4. Look after yourself.

Make sure you get enough sleep. Exercise. Eat healthily. When I do all of these things then I feel more in control and this does make it easier to manage my emotions. Also, exercise is FANTASTIC for when you need to remove yourself from a situation. I have often walked out of my house and gone for a brisk walk around the block. OR a short run. This is an excellent way to calm down and find perspective. Also, when I am doing regular yoga then I am (mostly) in a permanent state of zen. IF yoga is not your thing then you can do anything that forces you to be still and breathe deeply. Even if it is just gentle stretching or any slow-moving exercise that forces you to use a lot of deep breaths.

5. In the absence of exercise or being able to run a mile, find something else to help you vent.

I sometimes go and hide in my bathroom. Or I go and sit in my car and scream and have a good cry. I know a lady who has a punching bag (like the ones that the boxers use) in her garage. She swears by it.  You may even choose to blog about it. Be careful if you do this though as you may regret it the next day – rather wait 24 hours before pressing publish.  I often find that the process of just writing it all down is enough. But seriously, there is no right or wrong here – just do what works for you.

6. Have an open mind and keep learning. Even if you have it under control.

Melody suggested a book called Screamfree Parenting which really helped her. I haven’t read it so can’t vouch for it yet. The point is I am still a work in progress where this is concerned and even though I have this under control it doesn’t mean that I am going just put it all into a box and move on. I am going to get this book because it is going to help me along on this journey and I might learn a whole lot more about getting better at this. Seriously. If you buy this book, please read it and blog about it? There are MANY people who could benefit from your insights.

7. IF you slip up, then take it in your stride and start again.

I haven’t slipped up for a long, long time but I am conscious about the fact that it could happen at any time if I’m not careful. Living life as a non-shouter means living in a state of awareness. It is MUCH easier said than done.

These are just some of the things that have worked for me on this particular journey and I have to say that there was LOTS of trial and error involved. I’m sure that there are loads more things that you can try to help you.

It really isn’t easy but it is so worth it and I would recommend to ANYONE to try to stop shouting. Start with one day. Then add another. Then add another. Before you know it, it will be part of who you are.

Seriously. You will NOT be sorry.  And I am 100% sure that your partner and kids will thank you one day.