A few days ago I posted about the fact that my DH and I no longer really have many “couples” as friends.
Today I want to talk about my so-called girlfriends. The story is as follows:
Friend A:
No contact for 3 months. In the first week of April I texted her AND I called her because it was her birthday. As usual, we chatted up a storm and promised to meet. Well, we are still meeting. Because obviously this meeting is dependent on ME initiating as well as the fact that “I” need to make arrangements so that it can take place. She is currently in a relationship and is one of those people who “forget” about her friends when things are going well. As soon as the sh*t hits the fan then we are all good enough again.
Friend B:
Sigh. We last spoke about 6 weeks ago after “I” called. Before that? Maybe in February. I saw that she wished her partner well on FB (he was going for an interview) and I made the effort to call (from my work phone nogal!) just to see if all was well. Again, we chatted up a storm and promises made to meet. Again, I must initiate said meeting and make arrangements in order for everyone to just pitch up.
Friend C:
Very present in my life. Annoying me to no end at the moment. So very materialistic and so self-absorbed.
Friend D:
VERY VERY, VERY busy at work. I do understand this as she has a high-profile job. Surely she can at least return a text message? No contact since February. I have given up texting because I only have SO MANY FREE SMS’s and I do try to save them for an emergency or for when my airtime runs out already!
Friend E:
Calls me ONLY when she needs some kind of help which I (stupidly) give ALL THE TIME. Other than that I don’t hear from her.
Honestly? My address book is getting emptier and emptier. How does it get to this? I wanted to do something fun this weekend and I realised that there is nobody to invite because everyone (except for Friend C who is currently driving me batty) has just been too busy for me??? How on earth does something like this happen? How is it that I am nearly 33 and still struggling with stupid things like this?
I do enjoy the company of my DH very much. He is my BFF and my soul mate. However. It’s not the same as having a good girlfriend.
I don’t have many friends. I struggle to make friends because, even though it may not come across on this blog, I am actually very shy irl and it does take me a while to warm up to people. I am also very private and very selective about who I allow in my space. When I do let someone in, I give them my all.
Maybe this is the problem. The fact that I assume that they would naturally feel inclined to do the same? I understand that people view friendships differently. I also understand that something (within the context of a friendship) that I may perceive as important may not be as important to the next person.
Fact is, I crave contact (in the physical sense) and I crave deep connection. And I need for it to be mutual. I speak to each one of these people in their respective love languages. Nobody appears to even make an ounce of an effort to determine mine.
And yes, I know that there are different friends for different things i.e. tea drinking friends, movie friends, wine-drinking friends, online friends, shopping friends and deep connection type friends. Today this fact does not making me feel any better.
I also know that life is busy and that families and jobs and routines can get in the way of friendship. However, despite this also being an issue in my life, I do make an effort. I even have a spreadsheet. OCD much?
My requirements are very simple (well, I like to think so):
I need physical contact i.e. we could go for breakfast or coffee or even a walk.
I need no judgement of choices that I have or have not made. I don’t judge any of my friends and trust me, there are some stories that will make your hair stand up!
I need for them to not just trust me with their sordid secrets (this is so draining and sometimes puts me in a difficult position – nevertheless, I am still there for them) but also with regular everyday stuff like “I had some good sushi at XYZ restaurant” or “this new green tea that I’ve bought tastes really KAK” or “how did Joel’s speech therapy session go” or whatever.
I need a phone call on my birthday – presents not mandatory though it’s always nice to receive something. I really just want some of their time.
I need them to be interested in ME. Not my kids. Not my job. ME. Can you believe that not one of the people who I have listed know that I am trying to lose weight? OR that I am trying to improve my quality of life? Or that I love a rare steak? Or that I am looking for a new school for my Toddler?
Honestly? I feel like writing all of them off because I am VERY tired of having to be the “lighthouse keeper” in the various relationships. I really need a whole lot more than I am currently getting.
And quite frankly, I have just about had enough. And I know that I deserve a lot more than I am getting.
