Day 1 of school: done and dusted

Hello!

This will be a quick post because I need to get into bed with dear Rose.

• Day 1 went well. Obviously Child1 didn’t care much about anything (apparently the hype is boring or whatever) but Child2 was in his element and soooo excited.  However when we arrived at school he went quiet. I think he was a bit frazzled by all the noise and all these new kids who were crying. We went to hang up his bag and when he saw that his hook had been moved, he refused to hang up his bag! He then left me to go and play. With his bag on his back. He was EXHAUSTED when I fetched him and fell asleep in the car on the way home. He has been sleeping ever since. Am going to have to wake him to take a bath which does not bode well for our morning routine. Anyway. We’ll be fine.

 

• As I said, routine is mostly back.  So far so good. And I am in my element because I LOVE covering books!

 

• I started drumming lessons last week. Apparently (according to my teacher) I am going to be AWESOME at it. Because I am a natural or something.  I have to agree (please don’t mind me being just a little bit vain!) and I have to admit that I LOVED it!

 

• I was going to start running this week. But then I was still feeling a bit sick. Definitely next week though.  I would start this coming Saturday but I am going to be a Single Married Mom this weekend (my DH is going on a work thing) and have zero desire to drive my kids to a babysitter at 6am.  I ALSO have zero desire to run with both of them. Child2 would NEVER let me hear the end of it.

 

• It looks like my February is going to be BUSY! I have socials on EVERY weekend (except for the weekend of 16/17 Feb which I’m keeping clear for my own sanity) and I haven’t even set up any friend dates yet! It’s also the month of Sugar Man which leaves me VERY excited.

 

• Must say that, compared to last year this time, I seem to be coping just fine with the heat.  Sitting in an air-conditioned office all day helps. As does going for a swim on the weekends. As does cleaning the house when the kids are in bed and it is way cooler. I DO hope it doesn’t get any hotter though because that would surely kill me! How are you coping with the summer weather?

How are you? And how was your hump day?

365 days

Today marks exactly one year since we got Child2’s diagnosis. A whole 365 days.

I remember that day too well and it still makes my heart very sore. I went into that Neuro’s rooms as an innocent Mommy (all alone) who figured that her child was OK and just being a bit of a cow – waiting for us to stop watching before he accomplished the milestones that we were waiting for. I came out of those rooms a different person. A shadow of who I used to be. I could not speak to anyone without bursting into tears. I went back to work and my poor boss had no idea what to do so he made me tea.

I do remember the shock. And the anger at the Dr who could make this diagnosis after hanging out with my kid for maybe 20 minutes. I do remember being quite rude to her and challenging her.

I questioned her judgement.  Even her qualifications!

I remember that she was really kind to me – I guess I wasn’t the first p-d off parent that she’d had to encounter in her profession. We have a great relationship now. She’s understands that I am part-control freak, part project-manager and a fan of google and research and she feeds into my need for that.  We are in regular contact via email and I may as well invite her over for Christmas.

I can’t say that it’s been an easy 365 days. OR a deeply fulfilling 365 days. There are beautiful, brilliant, fulfilling days and then there are horrible horrible horrible days and I still have moments when I cannot believe that this is my life. That I am the Mommy to a child on the spectrum. And yes, I am aware that my kid is relatively high functioning and that he’ll probably end up OK. IT doesn’t make it easier.

I still go through periods of denial. And anger. And frustration. And complete and utter despair.

Occasionally I think I’ve accepted it and then something small happens and it takes me all the way back to anger.

Or he makes really good progress in therapy or reaches a HUGE milestone and I actually go back into denial or I  “forget” that there will be certain situations that he won’t be able to manage. Yet.

I am not one of those people who can see the “gift” of having a kid on the spectrum or even the gift of adhd for that matter.  I am not saying that my kid is not a gift. I am saying that the label and the limitations and specifics that go with it are not a gift.

It has complicated our lives and has placed tremendous strain on our marriage. And it has forever made me wonder about and crave normal. Because really, what I live with is NOT normal.  I hope that one day I can become one of those parents who see the magic in the label. I’m simply not there yet.

Because unfortunately life is really hard for kids like mine. They will forever be boxed. They will probably battle in relationships.  And with friendships.

And heaven forbid them ending up in a job that simply doesn’t suit them. I guess I can only pray for them and their futures because really, I am no longer in a position to plan and visualise and fantasise. I am no longer in a position to  assume things. My innocence and my naïvety have left the building and a good old-fashioned dose of reality has been left behind.

I have had to make a lot of changes and by far, the most difficult part of it all has been the communication issues. I am a lover of words and this makes it even harder.  There are more words now and it never stops to thrill me but quite honestly, communication is not simply communication. There are layers and layers involved. I’ve had to learn to communicate without using words. I’ve had to learn to try to understand the grunts and the squeaks. I’ve had to become a “bipolar” parent. Because I simply cannot parent my kids in the same way. They have extremely different needs.

So yes. 365 days. It has been painful. IT has been pleasurable. It has been frustrating. It has been fulfilling. It has forced me to grow up. I have come a VERY long way since last year this time.  It has forced me to change. And it has taught me all about hope.

365 days ago I didn’t fully understand what it meant to have hope. I thought I did. Now I know that I had no clue.

365 days later I understand it. Completely.

And I realise more than ever that I can never parent my child alone.

That my support network is EVERYTHING.

That things fall into place at EXACTLY the right time.

And that God is faithful.

 

 

Have I mentioned lately how INSANELY PROUD I am of my kids?

Allow me to gush/brag about having a taste of “normal” in my life!

Child1 has done sooooo well and has received a FANTASTIC school report. He just wants to read and is finally connecting the dots about doing extras around the house in order to earn some money – extras like cleaning the car etc. He’s even negotiating his “fee” with us. I went to watch him get graded at Judo the other day and I was sooooo proud of him. I keep forgetting how good he is at it. And his Sensei RAVES about him being an excellent and focused student. I will admit to having had a little cry. Because he is so modest about it all. Just like a proper champion. AND he got a school award too! For BEST ACADEMIC PROGRESS and being for being an AVID READER. Isn’t that AWESOME? How did I get this lucky?

Child2 has grown in leaps and bounds these past few months. He says so many words! There is A LOT of sass and chutzpah. And he bursts into song at the most inopportune times. Like when we are in Church. We finally got no-cry school photographs which are just BEAUTIFUL. Every single pic reflects exactly who he is and perfectly captures his quirkiness and his shyness. And on Friday at the concert he coped! For the first time in the history of school concerts he didn’t have to be removed from stage because of the fact that he found it too overwhelming. That one shook his booty good and proper! I was sooooo proud of him. And I will admit that I did have a bit of a cry. As soon as he was done with his bit we fetched him backstage and and he said “want to go home now Julia”. And so, even though the concert wasn’t done yet, we left. I figured it was the least we could do for him.

This morning I was cleaning out their room and I looked at all the toys and got a bit of a twitch. And so I asked Child1 if we could give away ALL the toys. I told him that the puzzles, books , blocks and lego could stay and that in addition to that, they could each choose 5 items that they REALLY loved as well as 2 electronic devices.  After he chose his favourites he said “it’s fine Mommy, you can give the rest of my stuff to my brother”. I told him that I wanted the stuff out of the house and that I would select 5 things that Child2 loved playing with. And he said “that’s fine too Mommy.” Do you have ANY idea how BIG this is? My Child the hoarder is OK with me giving 85% of the toys AWAY!

Is it possible that your chest can get too puffed up because of pride? That’s me at the moment. VERY VERY PROUD. And it feels FANTASTIC. Let it not be said that normal is overrated because believe me, it isn’t.

What have your kids done to make you feel proud lately? You are welcome to brag away in the comments!

Hoodies and sunnies

Child2 is STILL wearing the same hoodie every day. Remember I blogged about that here?

He has loads of other ones which he refuses to wear. I cut out the labels and I generally make sure to buy clothing made from fabrics that won’t irritate him. HE still refuses. I know that ASD kids can be very specific and quite rigid so I’ve kind of made peace with it. I’ve given all those other ones away and soon, when I get him used to wearing a summer hoodie (I’m going to have to ask you to pray and light some candles that I get this right) then I will make that that ugly grey striped one disappear.

Last week sometime it finally clicked why rain or sunshine, he MUST wear a hoodie.

It’s to help him zone out sensory input. It hit me last week that he has a very acute sense of hearing. He will cry and go NUTS during the night if he hears a dog barking 3 to 5 houses  away. Last week, my DH had to remove a bird and it’s nest from the roof because he was hearing scratching sounds and freaked out ALL THE TIME.  These are just two examples -  we constantly have incidents where he simply can’t cope with the noise input. He literally hears things that we don’t hear and he battles sometimes to zone out sounds that we practically wouldn’t ever hear.

I think his hoodie makes him feel like he has a bit of control – his head and ears are ALWAYS covered and he seems genuinely happy when this is the case. Some time ago his OT recommended that we try ear plugs – I wasn’t convinced and so I didn’t get them for him. I’m now considering getting him a pair. I don’t know if he will go for these but it’s worth a shot.

I don’t think that I’ve ever mentioned this but he MUST wear sunglasses as well, even in winter but especially lately.  Sunglasses and a hoodie – it’s like his own little uniform.  The sunglasses don’t go to school though (he usually leaves them in the car) so I guess he doesn’t feel that he needs them there? I don’t know. For the past few days he has wanted them at school as well. He ALWAYS wears them in a shop or in a mall.

I cleaned out his drawers this weekend and found a short-sleeved hoodie that he was wearing a lot last summer. HE was happy to wear it for the ENTIRE WEEKEND. It’s a bit too small so I’m going to take him shopping for more of those.

I am a bit worried about the sunglasses thing though. I don’t know if it’s also his way of filtering or what but it could very well be. I need to speak to his OT about this – I do have a meeting scheduled with her for Tuesday next week.

I have been thinking about getting him a proper pair of sunglasses – something that he can wear for extended periods and that won’t damage his eyes – something that has UV filter stuff. I do need to do more homework, but does one even get proper sunglasses for kids?

Do I need to go to an optometrist for this?

Any recommendations for decent kid sunglasses?

Do your kids have their own little “uniforms?”

ps…you know that I don’t put pics of my kids online? Well. Today I posted a pic of him in his “uniform”. On FB. I still can’t believe I did that. Not that I’ll make a habit of it or anything!

Weekend stuff

On Friday at the school sports/fun day, Child2 saw me and then promptly refused to have ANYTHING to do with sports or anything or anyone else for that matter.  I think he may have been overwhelmed – he kept saying “want to go to da car Julia”. We eventually left after I bought something for dinner and let me tell you he was THIS CLOSE // to having a meltdown – we managed to avoid it by seconds. No big deal or anything, but I realised that I am going to have to make sure that he doesn’t see me on Friday at the concert. Otherwise he will probably walk off stage (that’s if he’s not removed due to being traumatised and getting stage fright) to come and sit with me. He was too funny this weekend. Those words are sounding BEAUTIFUL and are making me so happy!  I LOVE that we are slowly starting to have actual proper conversations.

Our Saturday was busy. We went to the bank to sort out some stuff, then for breakfast and then to the craft shop for a few things that I needed for a crafting session that I was planning yesterday.

I then rushed back home because I was being picked up for a friend date. I met up with a friend who I hadn’t seen for 10 years! She was living in the States and we only really chatted via FB so I was very nervous about this friend date. In fact, I have been putting off this friend date for the past 3 months! On Saturday we went to my beloved Kalk Bay and we had the BEST TIME EVER at Cape to Cuba!  My DH and I actually had a scheduled date for Saturday evening and I ended up calling him to ask for a rain check! When she eventually dropped me at home she came in for a bit and hung out with my kids and I LOVED watching them interact with her. So all in all, a VERY successful date – don’t know why I was so anxious about it. WE have another one scheduled for the early in the New Year.

As an aside, my friend didn’t tell any of her friends in the US that she was permanently going back to SA. She says that she couldn’t cope with the sadness and varying emotions that it would have evoked within her friendship circle. They were all under the impression that she was coming home for a holiday and she only informed them of her future plans once she had arrived home. Would you be able to do a thing like that? I don’t think I would,  but then I do know that it’s always easy to say what you would or wouldn’t do if you are not actually in the situation. What are your thoughts on this?

Saturday night was a night from hell with A LOT of broken sleep. Child2 appeared to be getting nightmares or something and I was walking up and down trying to console him. It was TERRIBLE! I haven’t had broken sleep in yonks so I felt horrible yesterday.

Yesterday morning I went to the PO to collect something and to the shops. All before 9:30am. We then went to church, after which we came home and I got straight into bed and slept the afternoon away, hence the crafting not happening. When I eventually got up at 18:00pm or so, I made a quick dinner and started to clean up, after which I sat in front of the TV to watch some series.

For the most part, I had a really nice weekend despite the fact that my scheduled crafting will now have to be moved to this weekend. How was yours?

Ps…we have a family wedding happening on 15/12. Is it just in my family that wedding planning and even funerals and death can bring out the worst in families? Ugh.  I am just about ready to move to Siberia already! For the moment though I am doing my very best to avoid the drama.

Gender stuff

I have mentioned before that Child2 LOVES nail polish.

I honestly don’t have an issue with it. I figure that it’s only nail polish (and not a bra) and that really, he is just imitating me.  I am sure that it will pass at some point and I am kind of liking that he is learning some of the colours that he doesn’t know too well.

My DH had an issue with it – I quickly set him straight and told him to get over himself. He’s fine now. In fact, Child2 insists that his Daddy must also have “paint”. My DH eventually (after deep, heavy sighs and multiple eye rolls) gave in and allowed him to paint his toe nails.  Of course I was very excited when I saw him do it. He was so precise. So neat. So careful to remain ON the nail.  All that I saw was beautiful fine motor movement – I even made a mental note to tell the OT about it.  Of course my DH removed it as soon as Child2 wasn’t looking.

It’s always peoples comments that bother me more than anything. They are fascinated with this phenomenon of a boy child wearing nail polish. In the past few weeks my Child has been called a moffie and a girl. I got told that I mustn’t give in to my child’s every whim – I got told this by someone who has no clue WHO I am or HOW I parent or even WHO my child is.

Last week, someone told me that I mustn’t raise my son to be a girl. I was told that ONLY GIRLS wear nail polish. I twitched a bit. Actually I twitched A LOT. And I told the person that actually, he is stereotyping because it’s not only girls who wear nail polish. Goths and punks and bohemian types also wear it, regardless of their gender. And REALLY, it’s only stupid nail polish, NOT A BRA!  The person saw that I was READY to spit fire and so the subject got changed. But I am starting to get annoyed. Honestly, if a girl doesn’t wear nail polish will she then be considered to be less of a girl somehow? If a girl wants to play soccer or do carpentry or engineering then will she be rejected because she is doing what is deemed to be “boy stuff?”

Why are people bothered with things that don’t concern them?

I don’t know if it is a “coloured people” issue. I don’t know if people are just so caught up with the stereotype thing. I don’t know if it’s because our communities are still very conservative – friend E told me that in a place like New York or Europe something like a boy child wearing nail varnish would not be frowned upon and that no one would bat an eyelid.

I DO know that some people need to get a life already and stop worrying about my childs nail polish.

I DO know that I have an artist  brain and I see it as a form of expression much like a tattoo or a piercing.

I do know that very little phases me.  Quite honestly I am just thrilled to hear him talk more. And accomplish milestones that he should have been able to master TWO years ago already. Quite honestly I am THRILLED when I realise that he knows ANOTHER colour and says “want a grey paint” and even brings me the “grey paint” that he selected. 

I do know that my goal posts have shifted significantly since I became a Mother to kids who need a little bit more than the average kid.  

I do know that the little things (like nail polish and my child addressing me by my first name) honestly do not bother me in the least – I’m more concerned about getting him ready for Grade R and what the future holds for him wrt schooling and living life as someone on the spectrum.

Besides the nail polish issue, Child2 is very much a boys boy. He went through a phase of wanting to play with a doll (btw this didn’t bother me either, only my DH. We don’t have ANY dolls in our home and  I was quite happy to go out and buy a cheap doll. He is very familiar with them because dolls are used as tools in his therapies. A LOT)  – mostly when we went to visit his girl cousins but this seems to have passed and now all he wants to do when he goes there is to iron stuff. Think I must actually get him an ironing board toy set. 

Obviously when my son goes to school and still wants to wear it (IF he wants to wear it -somehow I think he will have lost interest by then) then I will insist that he follow school rules and maybe only wear it during the holidays or whatever.

 

Obviously if we are in a situation where it is inappropriate for him to be wearing  it then I will not  allow it.  

Obviously if I feel that it’s become an unhealthy obsession then I will put a stop to it. Right now, he likes having colour on his nails and he doesn’t seem to obsess about it. There are no touch ups and there is no top coat. If he sees it fading after a few days then he tells me “paint is broken Ju-la” and he seems to think that this is a reason for a whole new colour.

Fact is, gender-specific issues don’t bother me in the least. I know that I wouldn’t have a problem with it if my son wanted to do Home Economics as a school subject. I know that it wouldn’t bother me if my son wanted to do ballet – in fact, there is a boy child in my family who did ballet at one stage. He eventually gave it up because he couldn’t cope with the teasing and the taunting and it seemed like other kids thought that it was OK to bully him because of it.

As you can see, nail polish is a  small thing in my life and really, I have bigger things to deal with.  I guess when you have to deal with certain things on a daily basis that are not everyone’s normal then you kind of have a different perspective?

But over to you:

 

Would you find it weird to see a boy child with nail polish?

Do you have issues with boys doing “typical girl stuff” and girls doing “typical boy stuff?”

Do your kids occasionally “cross” the gender lines?

If so, do you or the people in your space make a big deal about it?

Grade R is not happening. Yet.

Approximately one  month ago I chatted with Child2’s teacher.  She mentioned that he was making remarkable progress and doing really well.

I asked her if he would be staying with her next year and whether we would need to delay Grade R. She told me that she was happy to send him to Grade R and then if necessary, we could rather repeat him in Grade R.

Anyway. I wasn’t completely sure about that  and we decided that my DH and I would meet up with her and talk some more about it and what our vision/plans are for Child2.

I didn’t get a chance to go to her yet – my DH finds it difficult to get time off work, and so last week I got the forms for Grade R and I then assumed that we would proceed with Grade R with a view to possibly repeating the year.

I remember seeing those forms and marvelling at how far he’s come. Goodness me, he really IS a different child to who he was last year this time. I even made remarks on FB about it and we all got used to the idea that he would be in Grade R next year.

I received the forms early in last week and as I mentioned yesterday, they were meant to be handed in this past  Monday – obviously I neglected to do this.

This morning at work I started to complete them. I saw a number of different money totals that had to be paid (all once-off payments) and I got confused. So  I stopped completing the form and called the school to clear up the money stuff.

The receptionist was a bit confused and asked me if I hadn’t been spoken to. I told her that I wasn’t sure what she was  referring to and that I was busy completing the forms that I received last week. She then mentioned that it was not her place to discuss certain things with me, but that she would get his teacher to call me. I am still waiting for that call.

I called her this afternoon and they have now decided  that he must rather stay where he is for the first  6 months of 2013  and then we will see if it would benefit him to proceed in the middle of the year. I asked her why she sent me the forms (WITH A NOTE THAT THEY SHOULD BE RETURNED BY MONDAY) and she sounded rather confused. Seems like there may have been a communication breakdown somewhere along the line OR  she’s lying (the receptionist and teacher are telling me different things) but, it turns out that I don’t have to complete the forms because at this stage it isn’t necessary.

On the one hand I am relieved about this. I DO know that it’s in his best interests to remain where he is for another year and I do know that in the grander scheme of things, one year really won’t make any difference.  Although he has made significant strides these past months, that there is still A LOT of room for improvement.  I have no doubt in my mind that he will be 100% more equipped at the end of next year to deal with Grade R in 2014.

I don’t quite like HOW it transpired and even though it may not have been their intentions,  I feel unhappy that I was excluded in the making of this decision.  I would have liked to be part of the  discussion about him. But, that’s a story that I WILL resolve with the school when we have our meeting hopefully by the end of this week.

On the other hand I feel a little bit sad for him. He actually has a few cute little friends now and they are going to be moving to a different building. He actually mentions names of kids that he -  I don’t know, hangs out with? Yesterday I fetched him and another little boy (who apparently attends the same Church as we do) very excitedly said to me: “Joel’s Mommy! I saw Joel by my Jesus!”.  Isn’t he cute?

I am sure he will be fine but I think he may be sad when they are no longer with him. 

And so, for some reason I am not feeling so good about this today. Am sure this feeling will pass but for today I feel a bit sad and off about it, and as part of the “grieving” process, I am totally owning my feelings.

Am I meant to prepare him for staying with his current teacher? DO kids that age actually understand when their friends move ahead without them? He’s not that good with change so right now I am having a bit of a freak-out.

Btw…I have been marvelling so much at his progress lately that I went into denial about the ASD diagnosis a few weeks ago. At some point I will blog about that.

Running, concerts and Child2

So, how are you?

I’m kind of exhausted. But that’s because I’ve been going to bed so late! I blame Rose. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Rose? I’m even reading a Thriller now. A genre that I haven’t read in YEARS. And I am LOVING it.

Anyway, I thought I’d post an update on running, concerts and Child 2 – in that order:

On Running:

I am LOVING my running sooooo much! This past weekend I went for a run, followed by a long, long, long walk with Friend E and the dogs, followed by a browse around the Tokai Market. I was in agony and my body ached.  In the afternoon I went for the most EXHILARATING swim. Oh my gosh, I have missed that part of my life so much! Just thinking about it makes my skin tingle. I’ve decided that this will be my Saturday morning routine from now on.  A run followed by a swim. Child1 has invited himself along (that one is a morning person of note and wakes me up at 6am on Saturdays to go and run) and although I really enjoy the alone time, I am happy to spend the time with him too!

On Thursday (or Friday last week) – I can’t remember now, entries opened for the Two Oceans Marathon. I briefly considered signing up for the half. And then I freaked at the thought of the crowds. And then I decided that I can’t let something silly like the crowds put me off. And then I decided to sleep on it. And then on Saturday I ran 7km and I BATTLED. IT was mostly uphill and I wanted to cry! In fact, I did have a bit of a cry. And then I thought WTF is wrong with me?  Am I mad in my brain? Could I really even be thinking about doing a half while I’m barely running 10km?  And then I decided to take a week to think about it. I thought about it today. I will sign up. Because really, I can change my mind anytime. My DH did ask me if I am losing my marbles. I told him that yes, I probably was, but THAT was exactly why he fell in love with me and that I would be needing LOADS of leg massages over the next few months so best he start preparing for that.

On Concerts:

On Thursday last week my DH and I had a FANTASTIC date night. We don’t particularly like going out at night during the week because we are just old like that. Also, there are some serious logistics to work out ito our kids. We do have babysitters but we need to work out things like bringing them home at some ridiculous hour during the night and getting them up for school the next day etc. So on Thursday, I left work early, fetched them, made them take a bath and we grabbed our (already packed on Wednesday) overnight bags and I took them to MIL. She made dinner for them and managed to get them ready for school the next day. After my DH and I dropped them and grabbed a bite for dinner, we still had a good 40 minutes to kill before the event started at 7pm. We went to the 80s Rewind concert and oh my goodness but it was STUNNING! DEFINITELY money well spent. It was really well organised and the crowd was fun fun fun! I sang along to nearly EVERY song and I literally did not stop moving all night – I even woke up without my voice on Friday morning. Honestly, if you didn’t go then YOU MISSED OUT! It was soooo much fun and I haven’t let my hair down like that in FOREVER!

Our next concert is happening on NYE at Kirstenbosch – we are seeing Hugh Masakela and I am VERY excited. But, having said that concerts are our thing so you just never know what can happen between now and NYE. I don’t have Lady Gaga tickets and I don’t have Linkin Park tickets and I also don’t have Bon Jovi tickets. I am feeling done with stadium concerts as I’ve been VERY spoilt by the Grand Arena but, you never know.

On Child2:

On Saturday my DH said: “Julia, he actually says words and he goes to the toilet without telling us. Can you believe it?”. He DOES this and it is  soooo exciting. I literally can’t get enough of those WORDS! Yes, there is a fair amount of cheekiness and being all sassy and yes, we still have soooo much work ahead of us but really, he has come SUCH a long way and this makes me insanely happy! He is a VERY different Child to the one he was last year. And in fact, he reached a milestone last week! Some events transpired that didn’t suit him and he said “I don’t like you Ju-la”. Oh my goodness but I was soooo proud of him!  The words were being used correctly and there was adequate expressing of emotions. I stood my ground with him and mostly ignored him (well, I had to – can’t be showing too much emotion when he says things like that) but I was VERY proud of that. It IS a milestone.  He has come sooooo far and I’m really proud of him.

But seriously now. How was your weekend? Have you had a good Monday?

Am signing off now because Child1 and I are working through fractions! So much fun in my life this Monday evening. NOT.

Later.

x

 

A post about co-sleeping. Kind of.

This is not a debate for or against co-sleeping. This is more a “how-do-I-fix-this” kind of post.

I really have no issue with what parents do. If you want to co-sleep then co-sleep. If it’s not your thing then that’s fine too. Do WHATEVER works for you. Seriously.

I didn’t co-sleep with Child1. He slept in our bedroom and his cot was next to our bed. I would feed him and put him straight back.  He only really fed once during the night so it honestly wasn’t a train smash and he started sleeping through from 4 months. Seriously. I was one VERY smug Mommy. In all fairness, he wasn’t a baby who loved snuggling.  Actually he still isn’t a fan of hugs and touchy-feely stuff. We usually have to ask him for a hug because he can’t stand being caught off guard with any form of physical touch.

Anyway, this worked for us and I really didn’t give it a further thought.

Fast forward 7 years later and I now had a Child2. In my naive little mind I somehow thought that things would be the same as with Child1 wrt to the sleeping thing. Can you believe how VERY delusional I was?

Anyway. Child2 was born sick. And he remained sick. Regularly. Like all the time. I was extremely fearful and really went into Mommy/Nurse overdrive with him. I feared that he would stop breathing during the night and that I would have to give him CPR. Also, he woke up A LOT during the night to feed. So I kept him in bed with me. Really, I could not be getting up multiple times a night and this was just easier. Mind you, the cot was also next to our bed. It was brand new and a white elephant. AT the time my DH used to pass many a comment about the beautiful, white elephant next to our bed.

As Child2 got older and healthier I tried numerous times to get him to sleep on his own. Nothing helped. I simply wasn’t hardcore enough and quite honestly I was just too tired. Really, I just needed to get some sleep and so I did what I needed to do and kept him in bed with us. Despite everything, I did enjoy having him close to me.

Eventually at 22 months – let me just repeat that…at TWENTY-TWO MONTHS, he started sleeping through.  He was still in our bed and both my DH and I were not sleeping  well because he is a very restless sleeper. My DH went NUTS one morning and I decided to go HARDCORE.

SO I put him into his own bed in the room with Child1.  It went well. Or so I thought. There were no tears. The next morning I found him snuggled in bed with Child1.  He basically waited until I put the lights off and then crawled into bed with his brother. He is STILL doing this THREE YEARS LATER.

I am very lucky that Child1 doesn’t seem to mind it all that much. He does occasionally complain (child2 is a terrible, restless sleeper) but he very graciously puts up with it.

All is OK with this arrangement. Until bedtime. He won’t get into bed without his brother. Which means that he would rather fall asleep somewhere else.  This is not too big a deal. I just carry him into his bed. And as soon as I turn out the light, he crawls in with his brother. I think he’s doing it in sleep mode already.

Last week when Child1 slept out I BATTLED. He refused to go to bed and ended up crawling in with my DH and I. He can fall asleep on his own but he can’t seem to spend a full night in his bed on his own. He seems to need to sleep next to someone at all times.

I need to teach him to sleep on his own because at some point, Child1 is going to VEHEMENTLY object. Any ideas on this?

How does one teach someone to sleep on their own? Is this a case of co-sleeping gone wrong or could it just be a Child2 issue?

 

Today

…..I had a fight with Child2. About clothing. We usually fight about that hoodie that he wants to wear everyday.

Well this morning he insisted on wearing the BLUE boxer shorts. The same pair that he wore yesterday. He even went to retrieve them out of the dirty laundry. I gave him a different blue one to wear. HE wasn’t interested because the one I gave him doesn’t  have a picture on the front.  I am generally quite relaxed about stuff like this (goodness me,
I allow him to wear that same hoodie every single day) but I was NOT going to give in and allow him to wear dirty boxers.  I dressed him while he kicked and pinched and bit and scratched  and and and.  Then I walked away because I didn’t want to lose my nuts – really, I was ready to pinch him and bite him back!

Then he followed me and  cried for nail polish. I told him that there was no time for that and that we could do our nails after school. Of course that wasn’t good enough. He cried all the way to school and gave me a headache. I put the music LOUD. He cried even LOUDER. When we arrived at school he ran straight to Sheila. Apparently I am the bad guy now.

Gosh, he has such a hard life, his Mommy even MAKES him wear clean underwear.  Poor kid.

So. To make myself feel a bit better, I went out and bought nail polish. Yellow nail polish from Rimmel called 280 sunshine. My DH asked me this evening if I’m trying to get in touch with my inner canary. I told him I’m trying to find my inner sunshine.

I also paid some bills. No, this did not make me feel better because I now have no more cash left until pay-day. Sigh. Thank goodness it’s temporary.

I collected something FABULOUS at the Post Office. Don’t you just love when a fellow blogger and beautiful friend spoils you and your kids?

I went to Pep and bought another 6 of those blue boxers with the picture on it. I do NOT want a repeat of this morning ever again.

And I made a few lists. A shopping list (am going to attempt to make Red Curry this weekend – have you made it before? Do you have a nice, easy recipe?), a to-do list for the month of October (I’ve posted it a bit further down), a Christmas gift list and another list of things I still need to do before the end of 2012.

This is what I’m planning for myself for this month:

Read one NF  and one other book. I put Millenium Trilogy on the back burner for now – will start it next month. Am going to read a Dorothy Koomsom instead.

Buy yellow paint for the lounge.

Dump couches.

Book holiday.

Blog about ADD/ADHD for 31 days starting just now.

Three dates with DH.

Two friend dates.

Change curtains.

New summer uniform for Child1.

Make sure that Child2 has enough clothing for summer and if not make some more lists and go and put some stuff aside at Edgars for my Mother to buy. She offered to buy him summer clothing. Isn’t she divine?

Clean desk and re-organise craft supplies and knitting stuff (wool and needles.)

Dump A LOT of thin clothing  – I am probably never going to be a size 10 again – may as well move on already.

Go and see dressmaker about work pants and a possible outfit for a wedding in December.

Crochet. One granny square doing the single stitch and another granny square doing the treble stitch.

Do you have anything interesting on your to-do list for this month?

So after dinner we pd nails. HE chose the 280 sunshine (new one that I bought today) AND a black and we had to alternate the colours on each nail. He’s now sporting a Maya the Bee look on both his toe nails and his fingernails.  He’s very proud of his paint, even though my DH is quite unimpressed with me for giving in to “this nail polish nonsense.” I told him that it’s only nail polish and not a bra already! Sigh.

Anyway, this was my  Wednesday. What’s happening in your life today?