On differing opinions and expressing them in a mature manner

Lately I’ve been reading a number of blog posts where the blogger voices an opinion on a matter which I fundamentally disagree with for whatever reason.

I realise that everyone has their own opinions on various matters – there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Variety is the spice of life and all of that and we do learn from differing opinions. This is one of the things that I love about blogging. 

The other day I read a post where a blogger who had just come back from overseas noted her observations on how grossly overweight  the people were. What she said was true but it was the way that she said it that really got to me.  I felt that she was being nasty (and I am very sure that this was not her intention) and very judgemental.

I could have commented and told her that I felt that she was speaking of a subject that she knew nothing about.

I could have told her that people who suffer any form of eating disorder (whether it is anorexia, bulimia, obesity, comfort eating, food addiction etc) are actually in a lot of pain and that there is nothing black and white about a situation like that.

I could have told her that poverty and various factors play a role in our weight gains/losses and that ironically, I gained the most weight in the 7 months that my husband was unemployed because we lived off carbs (pasta/bread/rice dishes etc) because it’s cheap and can stretch into a number of meals.

I could have told her that unless she has actually been fat/overweight/obese, she will NEVER understand. But I didn’t.

My parents taught me that whatever I do in life, whether it is criticising someone or raising my children or expressing my opinion or whatever, it needs to come from a place of love and compassion and understanding and maturity. Using slurs does not come from a place of love. Neither does judging people based on what they look like.

I was tempted to respond and comment on that particular post but I didn’t because there were enough commenters fuelling that fire and I didn’t want to be a part of it.

I must just add here that sometimes commenters are guilty of the very same thing and that they can be just as nasty. I would have left the most beautiful diplomatic comment on that post because that is who I am. I can disagree with someone without being rude and resorting to name-calling and character assassination and the like.

I read another post last week where the blogger in question also voiced her opinion on a matter and in the process I felt that she came across as highly ignorant. If I was any more sensitive, then I might even have seen her as a racist which I actually don’t.  I commented on that post and I was very diplomatic about it – this wasn’t difficult at all. The blogger was gracious and even responded to my comment (in the most beautiful, kindest way) which made me respect her even more, even though I fundamentally disagreed with her views and told her as much.

I do understand that people have differing contexts and that generally we blog based on our own context and subjective experiences.

I understand that our opinions are formed based on things like morals, value systems, the way we were raised, media as well as our own realities.

I also understand that people suck sometimes and that they can be ignorant and judgmental.

I know that I have the choice to stop reading a blog if I feel that the blogger and I have nothing more “in common”, so to speak.

And I do understand that we are all going to have differing opinions on various matters. As I said earlier, there is nothing wrong with this.

I just wish that people (when they blog or comment) can realise that it’s often not what they write but the way in which they write it. The beauty of writing a blog post or a comment is that we can edit and delete and edit and delete until the intended tone comes across.

I really wish that bloggers/commenters can actually think sometimes before they press publish. Ask yourself this question: Does what I (as the blogger or commenter) have to say come from a place of love and compassion and understanding and maturity? Am I being straightforward to the point of rudeness? Can the blogger and/or other commenters benefit from what I have to say?

How do you deal with posts where you feel that the blogger is being nasty/judgemental etc.? Do you actually comment? Do you ignore? Do you call the blogger out?

 

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection” ~Anais Nin

Don’t you just LOVE the quote that I used as the title of this post? I find that it just says so much. In fact, it summarizes everything that I am about to talk about in this post.

I have read a number of blog posts lately on how to blog effectively which made me wonder why I actually do it.

The truth is that according to the “experts” and celebrity rock star bloggers I am doing it all wrong.

My blog posts are too long and there are no pictures. Also, I am all about the me me me (I will admit that I am vain sometimes) and I do not have a “pretty” blog.

I have thought about this for a few days and have come to a some conclusions about WHY I write/blog:

I write firstly because I love words. For me there is nothing more beautiful than words strung together on a computer screen or in a book or on any piece of paper.  Remember in this post where I mentioned having a notebook for every occasion? Well, I even have a word journal where I record all new words that I pick up during the course of my day (whether they are proper words or slang or made up words). I also make notes on  the actual definition as well as the context that they can be used in. I once told my DH that I see words (specifically my written words) like my other boyfriend or something. The words that I write don’t judge me. They don’t backchat me. They don’t take advantage of me in any way. They don’t make me feel less than. Because when I write I am in control of the words and I own them. Not the other way around.

I write because I must. It’s like the words just bubble up (the word that comes to mind is effervescence – almost like gas bubbling out of a bottle) and I simply MUST get them out or my brain will explode. Even when I wasn’t blogging I was actively writing. It’s like I just have to get some stuff out of my system and this is the most effective way to do it.  I find that I am true to myself when I write. There is absolutely no pretence and I don’t have to hide who I am. I actually prefer it to therapy. I LOVE talking too but it can be so tiring sometimes. Circles and all that.

I write because it provides me with a kind of yardstick to see how far I’ve come over a period of time. I love looking back on old posts.

I write because for me it is the only way to express myself without getting the words and tone wrong. I can delete and edit and delete and edit until I achieve the desired effect.

I write because it helps me to grow. Spiritually. Intellectually. Emotionally. Quite simply, if I didn’t write I would go Milly. (btw…this is a new term I picked up in the office. Milly = MAD. Don’t you just love how much fun one can have with words)?

I write because it is one of the few things in life that provides me with much pleasure and tremendous joy. Hence the title of this post.

I know that my grammar is not always perfect.

I know that I tend to waffle a lot – my posts are always going to be long because I have lots to say and I am actually OK with this.

I know that I don’t put pictures on this blog. I used to have a picture-a-day blog btw but it is just became too much work to take pics, download, upload etc. It stopped being fun because it became all about the deadline and the technicalities. I don’t currently do pictures – mainly out of pure laziness. This may change in the future. I know that this blog is not “pretty”. For the moment it is clean and uncluttered and this works for me though this will probably also change at some point. I have just been too lazy to spend time figuring it out.

I know that I LOVE comments. It feels like I am getting a hug. I have also accepted that I won’t necessarily get many comments (PLEASE don’t stop commenting though) because I don’t have the time or capacity to comment on every single blog I read and I also don’t publicise this blog i.e. it is not linked to FB or Twitter. The Twitter thing may or may not change. I’m still deciding on that.

I do write a lot more than I choose to publish. Some pieces will never make it to this space, others might appear here at some point.

If I were to summarise EXACTLY why I write using only one word, I would use the word “ME”. I do it for me and for no one else. What exactly would be the point of me doing it for others if I wasn’t being paid to do it?

Why do you write? Who do you blog for? Do you keep your readers in mind all the time? Is it for an audience? Is it your therapy? Is it your sanity? Is it for you?