Yesterday I posted some stuff about friends. You can read about it here.
There is another reason my DH and I no longer have many “couple” friends. I didn’t want to add it in yesterday because I actually wanted to talk some more about this.
A number of our friends have gone through divorces over the past few years.
It becomes awkward.
They slag one another off.
You feel like you have to choose a side even though you are extremely careful not to get involved and make a point to just listen instead of actually providing your opinion.
You speak too much to the one party (mind you, not even about the divorce stuff) and then the other party “unfriends” you on FB.
My DH and I end up fighting because maybe the guy comes around for a braai or something and talks about the new HDTV he bought and you know that he is late or didn’t pay any maintenance for the month because you have been talking to the other party.
Eish. So much of drama sometimes.
Honestly, my DH and I have no idea how to deal with this type of situation so we do what all cowards do and we STAY THE HELL AWAY!
We do try to reconnect with the parties (separately of course) once the matter has blown over and the papers are signed.
Then this becomes even more awkward, especially if the reason for the divorce was something like adultery and they now bring the new partner along (how am I supposed to be friends with the woman AND the adulteress?) and I have to explain things to my 10yr old who is way more perceptive than I give him credit for. I want to teach my kids that we need to respect peoples choices even if we don’t agree with them. But how do I do this if “I” don’t even know how to deal with the situation?
And then we end up moving on. Permanently. It’s just easier, though we both know that this is not the mature way to deal with it.
So. I really need to know how to maintain friendships with fighting/divorcing/already divorced couples.
How do you deal with your friends going through divorces if you were friends with both parties?
What is the etiquette surrounding this?
