Thoughts on Thursday

 

I know that my kids issues are not my fault.

I know that Child1 is genetically predisposed to ADHD.

I know that Autism is a spectrum disorder.

I know there is nothing that I could have done to prevent these issues.

I know that their issues can be managed and in some instances, certain behaviours can be corrected.

I know that they will both be fully functioning adults.

And yet.

I find myself wondering if there is ANYTHING that I could have done to prevent this.  I wonder if it is something that I ate when I was pregnant. I wonder if  I should have breastfed for longer. I wonder if I should have refused pain meds during labour. Intellectually I know that there is nothing that I could have done to prevent any of this. But I still can’t help wondering.

I cannot fathom that there are these problems and that there aren’t really any solutions except to just continue to contain/manage the problem. I really battle with this because I am generally very practical. I have always believed that for every problem there is a solution and now I am in a situation where things simply don’t work that way.

And I wonder about my wonky genes.  Although our Neuro thinks that I’m not a candidate, I’m going to have myself tested for Fragile X syndrome in the next few weeks. Maybe I’ll be able to make peace and finally move on once I have some form of result?

There is definitely ADD on both sides of the family. I have 2 older cousins who are mentally challenged – though I don’t know any details about the full extent of their challenges.

I wonder about what the future holds for kids like mine. Will they forever be boxed? Will they forever be labelled by society? Will they be thought of as “less than?”

I wonder what they will be like in relationships. Child1 is battling at the moment with social skills. There is only so much I can do to help him – the rest is up to him. Child2 is anti-social and if he didn’t have this diagnosis – this label, then I would have assumed that he was a loner or an introvert. It really wouldn’t have been an issue to me because I get that we are all different.  He can handle having people in his space only up to a point until he needs a timeout.

I wonder what kind of partners they will get. I wonder what life will be like for my grandchildren. I know that this is not a very pc thing to say but at this point in time  I would be happy if my children don’t have any kids of their own. Surely the wonky genes need to be stopped in their tracks somewhere along the line?

I wonder. I wonder if. I wonder when. I wonder how. These are thoughts that are constantly swimming in my mind.

I know of adults with ADD who cope really well but I must be honest, I have never ever met an adult with Autism or Aspergers or any form of spectrum disorder.

Do you know of any adults who cope with ADHD or Aspergers or Autism? Is there really a place for my children in this harsh world that we live in? Am I going to have to manage them until I die?

Sigh. I really need a holiday from my brain that is working OVERTIME with all this stuff.

 

 

Child2

 

…is making a lot of progress in his life at the moment and I have to say that I’m finding it all so exciting! For the first time in a long time there is a semblance of normal and it feels AWESOME. I thought I would do a smallish update on where he’s at.

Schooling for Grade R to Grade 3:

Sorted. In fact, they had place for him to do Pre-Grade R there and so he starts next month! The school happens to be  the same one where he currently attends – he is just being moved to a different campus which will be more suited to his needs. Interestingly enough, his school came highly recommended by our Neuro who has a few kids on the spectrum currently being supported there.  Our Neuro told me that in the absence of an “autism-specific” school, THIS would be her first choice.  I went to see them a few weeks ago to facilitate moving him and to make arrangements for him for next year and I wanted to cry because that environment will be PERFECT for him. They are mainstream and go up to grade 3, they will never have more than 10 kids in a class, they are inclusive (there is a child with Down Syndrome, there are 2 other kids on the Autism spectrum and there is a child that has other learning barriers), they have an OT and an ST and all sorts of therapists coming to the school which really helps A LOT  and the best part? They KNOW him because they’ve met him before and they think that he is FANTASTIC! Don’t you just LOVE when other people love your kids? We were going to start him next year in Grade R but they have place for him right now in their pre-grade R class and so we are starting him in August.  The schooling thing has been working on my nerves since we got the diagnosis in December and you cannot possibly believe how relieved I am that we have clarity for next year. One day I will write a post about schooling and Autism. I can guarantee that you will be shocked.  The waiting list is as long as my 1.68m body and is 5 years long. I kid you NOT!

Potty:

We have FINALLY  conquered the nappy and this makes me so, so happy. Seriously people, we are THRILLED and VERY excited. A few weeks ago our Neuro told us that NO SCHOOL (even a school that works with kids on the Spectrum) will accept a child who is not potty trained. She felt (based on what I was telling her) that he knew what was happening and that I needed to find it in myself to be super firm with him. Well. My DH and I decided there and then that it was time to go HARDCORE. I no longer cared that it was winter and that he had “issues”. I wanted this sorted. So I spoke to MIL and asked her advice. She offered to start the process because she had a lot more time AND patience than me. Three weeks ago while my DH and I were living it up she was potty training. I am sooooo grateful that she offered to help me out with this. I called my kids every night and purposefully didn’t ask Child2 anything about potty.  When I fetched him the Friday (he was there for an entire week), he was nappyless.  Can you believe it? He just clicked. Just like that. Even with number 2!  In fact, I’m going to make like Sharon and write a poop post later this week. Anyway, they told me at school that he LOVES the toilet. And he does! I was wondering if it’s because my MIL did the training or if he was just ready at this point or if I simply wasn’t patient enough with him. I really was on the verge of contacting a play therapist to help out because I BATTLED to get him to do it. Anyway. There has been ONE accident in the entire three-week period. We are at the point where we can go out without nappies (we were at this point after the first week) and he now gets cross when I (still) ask him every 30 minutes to go and pee. I don’t care. I make him go already! Next step is to get rid of the night nappy which needs some work because he likes to drink tea before bed which means a whole change in liquid routines. But, I am giving him another week or two (shame, it’s cold at night – I feel bad to deny him his bed-time drink) and then we’ll go for it with guns blazing.

This and that:

Child2 is responding really well to his therapies and this makes me so happy. I’m working on a list for him of things that I want/need for him to be able to do by the end of the year (all skills that he needs for grade R) and we are going to be doing lots of crafty, educational, independence-gaining  stuff with him throughout this year.  We are in the season of puzzles at the moment. He LOVES doing them and is on 50 pieces at the moment – in fact I’ll write a post tomorrow on our OT’s response to this.  Not sure what is the norm for an almost 5-year old (am not going to have google ruin my moment) but I’m thrilled that he is so into it. It’s a new thing for me because Child1 was so not into puzzles.  Am definitely going to have to get him bigger ones as this is no longer challenging for him. His new thing is to run himself a bath and get in. Especially when he is frustrated. Then he gets in and just lays in the water and when he’s ready (sometimes after a long, long time) he gets out. I personally think he has the right idea so am not objecting at all.

Otherwise, we are swimming along nicely. There are good days and bad days but I am so thrilled to say that despite the bad days, our good days just get better and better. Who would have thought that I would be feeling so OK and so very hopeful after all these months?

How are you? How was your Monday?