In the spirit of Mothers Day weekend I thought I would write about Motherhood and Friendship.
If you have kids, you will know that Motherhood changes every single aspect of your life and one of the biggest changes comes in the area of friendships. I have found that there is a period of adjustment within friendships after you have a baby. I have also found that those who WANT to be in your life WILL be in your life. Kids or not. They will wait for you to be ready and if you are taking too long to be ready then they will just pitch up and tell you that it’s time.
Motherhood has done good and bad things for my friendships.
Motherhood made me feel isolated and lonely when I first had Child1. I was a young Mom and knew no one my age who had kids. All these other Moms at the PTA were much older, somewhat intimidating and VERY together. Or perhaps that was just my perception at the time. Point is. I had ZERO friends when I first had a child.
Motherhood lost me a few friends which often happens when people are in different life stages. I had a kid. Everyone was partying and soooo not interested in my childs bowel movements. Quite honestly, I do not blame them, even though it really upset my world while it was happening.
Motherhood was a big help when I needed to make new friends because it’s an AWESOME thing to have in common with someone else. So yes, it helped me to make new friends. Specifically with other Mothers. And ESPECIALLY online. I have more Mommy friends online than IRL. I am not sure if that’s even OK but it does make me VERY happy.
Motherhood occasionally made me feel inadequate within my friendships. Especially with my friends who have “normal” kids. Especially with the whole “different kids” thing. And it made me feel judged by others who I thought were my friends. Because I’m not exactly sheep-like, I don’t read books, I rely on instinct more than anything and I really have no issues with my kids playing with my make-up.
More than anything though, Motherhood has shown me who my real friends are. It has brought the most amazing friends into my life. Friends who affirm me. Friends who just get it. Friends who will come and fetch me so I can have a break from my kids. Friends who will google things about my kids that I am too afraid to google. Friends who (despite being childless) actually WANT to come over when my DH is away DURING THE SUICIDE HOUR to help me out, and to stand ready with a glass of wine when the kids are in bed. Friends who don’t judge me when I say that Motherhood is just not all that (for me). Friends who are just there at the drop of a hat. Friends who love me truly, madly, deeply. Friends who LOVE my kids. Friends who just GET my kids. Friends who are prepared to try to understand my life with my particular kids.
I have WAY more friends (real friends) now than I have ever had in my life and I believe that I have Motherhood (among other things) to thank for that.
What has Motherhood done for your friendships?
Have the effects of Motherhood had negative or positive effects on your friendships?
Do you have more friends now that you are a Mom?
And if you are not a Mom, how does it affect your friendship when one of your friends have kids?