- Don’t judge. Ever. You have NO CLUE what it is like to live with someone who has ADD/ADHD. What you see and perceive is really the tip of the iceberg. Believe me, we don’t share EVERY SINGLE THING.
- Try to learn something about ADD/ADHD just so you can have an idea of what your friend is dealing with. You don’t have to know every bit of science, but know things like what it is, some of the co-morbid conditions and something about the treatment options. It would be nice to have someone to talk to once in a while.
- One thing that I really hated (and still don’t like) are well-meaning people who rave about the latest treatments that they read about somewhere. Trust me, we already know about it because we DO have our fingers on the pulse. Be sensitive about what you send to your friends. Don’t send them links to panic-inducing websites and articles. Really, it doesn’t help – it makes it soooo much worse and can cause tremendous anxiety. If you are a practical kind of person, ask your friend what kind of information you are allowed to send her.
- You do NOT have to agree with HOW your friend is handling the situation or how she chooses to treat her child’s symptoms. See point 1. Believe me, your friend has thought long and hard about how she’s going to manage certain situations.
- You DO need to listen and be there when your friend needs to vent. Believe me, there are MANY of those venting sessions. And really, you don’t need to say anything. Just listen, let her cry if she needs to and feed her something decent already because chances are that her home is a preservative-free, gluten-free environment where the food is boring and bland because of sensory issues and what-not.
- Insist that your friend take a break now and again because it’s easy to get so caught up with your child’s struggles and issues that it starts to rule your life. Fetch her and take her for a coffee or drinks or take her to a movie or something. Escapism is MARVELLOUS.
- Ask your friend HOW she would like you to handle certain situations with her child eg if her child is too loud or if her child insists on putting his feet on the couch etc.
- Leave the platitudes at the door. Really, we don’t want to know that God “gave” us this child because He knows that we are capable of raising them or What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger or anything dumb like that.
- Affirm your friend. Often. She needs it. And continue to encourage her to have hope.
- If something REALLY bothers you and you feel that you MUST say something about anything wrt HOW your friend handles the situation then remember this: It’s not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it. Your words need to have love written all over them.
Can you think of other ways to be a good friend to someone who has a kid with ADD/ADHD or rather someone who raises kids who are different? Do share?
These tips will come in handy for many things. As humans we need reminders like this. What one sometimes think of as being polite doesn’t always go down well with the recipient. No 8 is like telling someone who is dealing with IF to just go on a holiday or have fun because you know many people who have done just that and miraculously bam they had a baby
I love #1, #4 and #8. And not only for friends- family too.