So I recently finished reading Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult. I am not sure if you are familiar with Jodi’s style of writing but she tends to explore very real issues where you wonder what you would have done. Nothing is ever black and white in her storylines and there are always AT LEAST a 100 or so shades of grey. She is one of the few authors who has the ability to force me out of my comfort zone and to confront prejudices that I didn’t even realise were present
Anyway, so Handle With Care (here’s a quick review) has the theme of “broken” running through it. Broken bones, broken friendships, broken marriages, broken hearts.
The story essentially revolves around a beautiful, wise little girl called Willow who has a disease called Osteogenesis Imperfection or OI (here’s a link) which is a form of brittle bones disease. It basically means that you can break a rib if you sneeze or cough or you can break your baby’s arm if you pick her up (even gently) or if you sit too suddenly you can break your legs.
Anyway, at some point in the book Willow’s mother (Charlotte) decides to sue her Obgyn (Piper) for wrongful birth. What complicates matters is that the Obgyn happens to be her very best friend AND she needs to say in a court that if she had known about Willow’s disability while she was in utero, then she would have had an abortion.
Sjoe. Can you say complex? Can you say emotional? Can you say “what on earth would I have done in that situation?”
Now as a Mom to kids who need a bit more I can’t (and won’t) judge Charlotte or ANY parent in that position but then again, my context is different. I AM actually living with kids who currently DO need a bit more and will probably CONTINUE to need more than the average kid in the future. I completely get where she comes from and WHY she felt that she was doing the right thing. Her sole focus was her child’s future as a disabled adult and I know that as an advocate to my kids I also lose perspective sometimes. Really, I get that.
The dynamics of the friendship between Charlotte and her BFF (Piper) FASCINATED me throughout this story. They really were the best of friends and had a beautiful, shared history together. They were literally in one another’s lives and one would NEVER have thought that things could turn out the way that they did. Charlotte was brutal and literally pulled the rug from under her friend. She completely blindsided Piper and I honestly felt sorry her friend, in fact I felt sad for both of them and for the death of their friendship.
Having said all this, I wondered what I would have done if I was in a similar situation.
Would I have sacrificed a friendship for what I perceived to be “the greater good?”
Would the means justify the end result if I had the best interests of my kids at heart? Would the means justify the end if I had to hurt people in the process?
Would I sacrifice a friendship in the interests of my kids?
Would I sacrifice a friendship despite there being a history of beautiful, shared intimacy?
The truth?
After thinking long and hard about it (THIS is why I love Jodi Picoult – she makes me think DEEP) I ABSOLUTELY would.
Because ultimately, no matter how much I LOVE my friends (and I DO love them A LOT) I love my kids more – they are my first priority.
I am FIRST a Wife and then a Mother and only THEN a friend.
At what point would you sacrifice a friendship? Have you ever been in a situation where you had to (painfully) sacrifice a friendship for the sake of your spouse or one of your kids?
Have you read this book? IF not, please read it and then talk to me about it? And if you have read it, what are your thoughts on the friendship dynamic and the way the friendship (irretrievably) broke down?
You have made me want to read that book. Sounds great!
I would sacrifice a friendship if it became toxic to me or people I loved.
I haven’t read this one yet. But I get what you are saying. I left my 2nd husband for the sake of my kid.
Read it a few years ago- go and have a look at my Bookclub blog. I really did not like Charlotte and although I get that you would do it for our child, I hated the way in which Willow had no “voice” in the book – how Charlotte almost blind sided her too and how she at a stage believed she was unwanted. I loved Piper though and thought she must have been the most betrayed friend ever. But would I do it? Yeah, I think so but I would have handled it totally different in m own family
I will check your bookclub blog. I have to say that I LOVED and HATED Charlotte at the same time. On the one hand I really admired what I saw as her determination to be the best possible advocate of her child. On the other hand I was so angry at her for being so caught up with it that she almost didn’t “see” her daughter. I felt the same way about Willow having no voice and her feelings of being “unwanted” and “unloved” but I saw that as the author trying to show just how much Charlotte had lost perspective in her quest to advocate for her. Also LOVED Piper. Would have her as my friend ANY day. And, although I would do it, I most certainly would be kinder about it – that’s just who I am. But then again, one never knows until one is in the situation.
No, never read one of her books but I will admit that usually when people recommend things to me, I never like them, except Shayne but we read exactly the same kinds of books anyway
I suppose I would sacrifice a friendship but I’m always about the win-win so I would try everything possible first.
I’ve read a few of her books, but not this one yet…it is actually on my wish list too. I don’t love all of this author’s books but occasionally there is one that really stands out to me.
If I had to chose between my daughter in any way and friendship in any way, there really wouldn’t be much of a contest. Nicola is my number one priority and she is always under my protection. Anyone who threatens that will regret it.
I have been in a situation where I’ve had to end a freindship for the sake of my daughter, and possibly also for my own sake although that wasn’t my main consideration at the time. Some people are just circling the drain, and I can’t have that kind of crap even on the periph of our lives where it could be seen as a role model. Especially a male role model.
There is no one that I would not feel comfortable cutting off if I thought that their bahaviour was detrimental to my child – family included.
I read this book a while ago. I do remember thinking of Charlotte as a total bitch in the way that she handled the case and feeling quite desperate for Piper. That said, I also wondered what I would do? At the time I was more inclined to believe that I wouldn’t lodge the case but I wasn’t a mom at the time. I wonder if I’d have a different perspective of it now that I am a mom? Might have to re-read the book and see if my opinions change…
I’m the kind of person who sucks it up in friendships and it take a LOT for me to back away from a friendship. But the line for me comes when the well being of myself or my family is at stake, I would absolutely stop a friendship now if that is the case.
xxx
I have all the Jodi Piccoult books…a great fan of the controversial;-) I wouldn’t even go to the choice between a child and a friend. I don’t believe in abortion. A friend has a Down’s syndrome child that is the love of her life…just imagine if she had an abortion and missed out on all the love this little girl is lavishing on her. Yes she is more work…but I believe that it is a labour of love.