A few years ago I was in a job. I HATED this job as from Day 1. It wasn’t the job itself that I hated. Without going into too much detail (because I can write at least 700 words about the rubbish that went on there) I will go as far as saying that it was everything except the job that was terrible. It was the person who I had to report to – the relationship was emotionally abusive and broke me completely and I lost all confidence in myself.
It was the horrible work environment. It was the fact that my gifts and talents weren’t given the time of day. It was the fact that it was so far from home. It was the traffic. It was EVERYTHING.
I cried every single morning before I went to work. On Sundays I would get the most horrible stomach cramps. It took every bit of effort and self-control to get up and go to work every single day. I think that I actually used ALL my sick leave that year – for the first time ever.
One day I was outside having a fag – did I mention that I only started to smoke full-time when I worked there? Anyway. Another lady from a different office in the same building mentioned that she had just resigned. She told me that she’d had enough and that there HAD to be something better out there for her.
I just cried. And I think that this was a turning point for me. I am extremely private with my tears and I NEVER cry around people and here I was, crying on the shoulder of a complete stranger. She was so very kind and told me to just have faith. That things would come together.
After that conversation I knew exactly what I needed to do. I needed to choose ME. So after speaking to my DH who wasn’t comfortable with my decision although he understood why I had to do it(we had just bought a house so the timing was terrible), I quit that job and did not look back. I had no doubt in my mind that I was making the right decision.
Leaving that office on my last day of employment was one of the most freeing and amazing and beautiful days of my life and I will never forget how good I felt about my decision. I still remember it so well and I marvel at how much faith I had back then. I just knew that I wouldn’t be unemployed for long and that I would find something awesome. I just KNEW that things would be OK. And they were. I was unemployed for all of a week before I got a divine job in the right area with the right people at the right salary.
At the time something struck me. It struck me that I had waited an entire year to choose ME. I had spent an entire year being unhappy within my environment. I had waited an entire year before saying “ENOUGH”.
Isn’t that pathetic? AN ENTIRE YEAR! I swore I would never do that to myself again. I couldn’t believe that I thought so little of myself. Seriously. I essentially made a choice for an entire year to be unhappy for 8 hours of my day.
And now I am amazed at how history repeats itself. I feel like I am wearing an old coat that smells musty. Because I am in that same situation. Again.
I am not crying before work (I think it’s these beautiful AD’s that I’m on) but I am at the point where my body is acting out. I’m breaking out in hives when I think of having to go to work, I am constantly having neck and shoulder pain, my stomach is completely messed up and I want to smoke! Can you believe it? I haven’t been able to enjoy a weekend and just relax for some weeks now – even though I have been conscious about not scheduling social activities on the weekends.
And yet. I don’t have the courage to do what I did those years ago and just quit. I don’t have the faith that I had at the time. Where did my faith go? I wish I knew.
And I think that I am way past my breaking point. I honestly feel like I am in a prison. In ANOTHER emotionally abusive relationship. And like an abused woman, I keep hoping that the abuser will change which you and I both know will NEVER happen.
And I wonder what it will take for me to choose ME again. Will it be ill physical and/or mental health?
Will I always be making decisions that are not in my best interests?
Will I always be making sacrifices that don’t actually benefit me?
Will the decisions that I make ALWAYS be based on fear?
Have you ever been completely unhappy in a job? Have you ever just quit without having any prospects lined up? What is your breaking point? At what point do you see red flags?
I have never been so brave; I’m often tempted but I love the security of my salary and I do love my company and my team, just not the job.
I think it’s harder the more responsibility you have…
You will know. Does that sound silly? You knew the first time you will know this time.
Good Luck, it is like leaving any abusing relationship, it takes courage you did not think you had but the moment you make the decision then you claim the power back. You are worth more.
I felt like this about my job at the bank! Leaving there was the best thing I ever did – we dont have money now but I no longer wake up with dread every day and spend 8 hours in a crap environment!
My advise – just DO IT!
I have never actually left one job with the prospect of another lined up. Maybe my trigger is a bit sensitive?
The first proper job I had out of school lasted me about 3 years. I left because they broke one of my conditions that i made starting there. They tried to make up for it, but I was having none of it. The Financial director in desperation even offered to double my salary…I told him that if I have to resign to get what I’m worth then it’s not the place for me anyway.
The second job lasted me seven years. i actually was more or less ready to jump ship after the second year but I thought I’d stay until I finished my studies because they had a very favourable study leave policy. The signal for me to go was when I started having visions of burning the place down in a cleansing ritual by fire. When you are amongst other things the chief fire marshall it’s never a good sign.
The next job lasted me about a year. I wasn’t particularly unhappy there and I probably would have stayed much longer if I didn’t get a bee in my bonnet to go live in Cape Town for a year. I went down, lived with people I met on the internet and took two months to find a job (things really do move a lot slower down there). Of all my jobs that one was the one I enjoyed the most. Unfortunately I made hardly any money doing it, but i learnt plenty and met awesome people. i stuck it out till my reserve ran out and then moved back to Johannesburg and took up the job I had before I left again.
Did that for about 6 months and was then retrenched just before the company went belly up…found out I was knocked up and unemployed (also by default unemployable) and started doing contractor work where I am now (plus baking rusks after hours for a supplement). They employed me full time after my maternity leave.
I am not unhappy here just bored, love the team and have at the moment possibly the best manager I have ever had in my entire life, but I find the work soul destroyingly boring. At the moment Steamcleaner is trying to manouvre me into a more challenging role for next year, but failing that the next move I make will probably be for something exciting where I do more than abuse the internet all day long and mess with other people’s heads. Plus in general I do not like this entire industry where I am at the moment…so probably nothing related to it at all. They have been good to me though, so I’d like to leave on a friendly note when I do go.
For me it has always been easier to close rubbish doors that to keep them open, but I think your confidence levels and tolerance levels do all kinds of interesting things once you have other people depending on your success and paycheck too. I don’t have the freedom to just resign without a prospect anymore if you get my drift.
Sorry for the novel in your comments section
I have just resigned from the studio that I have been working in for the last three years, I also knew for about a year that it was time, but I never did anything about it. Then about a month ago, It was Enough of not being respected and it took me two weeks to work up the courage to actually resign, everyone else knew before the person I needed to resign to did and now, yes, I have less money but this won’t be for long(having faith) and I don’t have those feelings that you describe so well. I would say JUST DO IT! Really, think about it, if this was your last day on earth, last week, last month, whatever, would you really want to be feeling the way you are feeling? Have faith, sometimes you need to feel the fear and do it anyway:-) Look forward to hearing about it when you do!
My last job was like the one you describe yourself to be in Jules. I was sworn at daily. I was made to feel worthless. I was told I was stupid and what galls me most is that I started to believe it. I doubted my abilities daily and my enough was when I was told to my face in an open meeting with my biggest client, that if it ever came to a choice between retaining the client or retaining me that I must be under no illusions that the client would win.
I resigned with no job lined up and I never felt better. They asked me to leave immediately, I had a month’s paid holiday with my son and got a great job within 3 weeks of leaving.
I was scared to put myself first – how on earth would we cope with the BILLS if I wasn’t working?? But you know, it all worked out.
I’ve learned from that experience that I am worth MORE. I am NOT stupid and worthless and that I am actually an asset to any company.
You need to realise that about yourself. YOU ARE WORTH MORE!!!
Thinking of you and sending strength and love to put in to action the decision I suspect you’ve already made in your heart of hearts.
xxx
I guess i have been relatively lucky with jobs but, my second job ever waas with a gay couple and they faught all the time and one day I just had enough. I said to them that I am looking for another job, I want time out for interviews unless they can stop their fighting. They threw a total tiff at and the next time they did it again I laid down the same ultimatum. I got a job at the company I am working at now about 3 weeks later and resigned with 24 hours notice – after another fight by the two. They accepted.
I think what makes it so difficult is that we’re afraid of change. Sort of rather the devil we know than the devil we don’t know, if you understand what I mean. I usually also hang in there. Maybe for me it is fear of saying that I failed…I hate failing. At the moment I am SICK due to too much stress over a too long time. In this case I can’t opt out….I can’t resign…I can’t even be fired. How am I going to handle stress in a better way if I could learn to handle it correctly in the past 14 years. Am I not trusting enough? Is my faith not strong enough? Yikes…there is more questions than answers.