I don’t like sharing my stuff. By stuff, I refer to physical, tangible items. I know how that makes me sound. Like a selfish brat. And maybe that’s what I am. It’s OK. I have made peace with it. Really.
I think that it stems from being the oldest sibling and always having to share my pencils, chocolate, my bedroom, dolls etc.
I always just wanted stuff that I could call MINE!
Stuff that I wouldn’t need to share at some point.
I seem to have taken this ugly trait into my adult life. And it does affect how I parent. I get cross if my DH expects Child1 to share stuff with his little brother. Child2 is exactly like me. I know that I should teach him differently but how on earth do I teach him to share if I don’t even like to share?
And obviously it can also affect the friendship dynamic. My close friends know and understand this and (although they roll their eyes) they respect my non-sharing issues. Friend E told me that he will pray for me. I told him to go right ahead because I need all the prayers I can get. Friends that I am not that close to don’t get it and it is usually a hurdle that needs to be crossed. It can and usually does get awkward.
Interestingly enough, I don’t mind sharing information or knowledge or non-tangible stuff. I don’t mind sharing my time with you. Or talents. Or my emotions – I quite enjoy having emotional intimacy.
I do however mind sharing material, tangible things.
My kids AND my DH know not to ask me for my chocolate or for a sip of my tea or whatever. Child2 knows that he may NEVER eat out of my plate. Because I will go NUTS!
As an aside, do you also find that your kids don’t want to eat their food but that they would rather eat that same food out of your plate? Ugh. Drives me insane!
My kids even want to drink their tea out of my pretty cups! And they have their own nice ones so I have no idea why they would want to do that to me.
So. I am not that friend who will share/lend/borrow things like books. Or CDs. Or my hair iron. Or my shoes. Or my funky DKNY bag (only my Mom can borrow this) or my lipstick. Or my perfume. Or my black dress/skirt/jacket. Or ANYTHING for that matter. I would rather give you some money or a voucher so you can buy your own. I’ll even buy it for you as a birthday/friendship gift. In fact, I always had ALL my stationery at the end of the term because I was that kid who wouldn’t share my pencils/scissors/eraser etc.
And I feel really bad about this sometimes. Because I have friends who would give me their liver/kidney/heart if I needed it. I have friends who don’t mind lending me their books and CDs. I never accept though because I prefer to buy my own stuff. Of course if you GIVE me something as a gift then it is different. But seriously. I don’t share my stuff. And I won’t borrow your stuff either. I’d rather get my own.
Are you that kind of friend? The one who doesn’t share books/CDs/material things?
Or are you the friend who honestly doesn’t place any value on material things and will share, share and share alike? If you are this friend then really, I ENVY you. Because I have tried. Although I will admit, I have not tried hard enough.
How do I (as a 34-year old grown-up) learn how to share? Do you know other adults like me? Is this behaviour even remotely normal?
That really mad me laugh, because i’m just like that too! I haven’t got to the place where i feel ok about it yet, but i admire the fact that you have!
I do lend sometimes,to specially chosen people (shameful, i am blushing) but with strict instructions not to pass it on further – yikes!
The reason is because i’ve lent things in the past only to never see them again… : (
I don’t like sharing food either – but i have to because my husband equates food with love (he always wants to share- quite sickening really).
i do have two things ‘on loan’ at the moment…… *whispering* – but i don’t like it .
Maybe the more we practice the easier it will become. Grrrrr…………..
Stuff doesn’t really matter to me – BUT my craft stuff is MINE and Kiara loves crafts probably a little more than me so she is forever scratching in my stuff even though she has her own.
But for the rest I don’t really mind.
I actually often dish up for Jack in my plate and we will eat together. David and I will buy one coke and share it (like the half litre ones). The girl I work with – I have her stuff, she has mine – lol – it doesn’t bug me at all!
Having said that I dont actively offer stuff though but if someone asks for a book/cd whatever I will generally just lend it and then forget about it!
BUT no one touches my tupperware! Its the one thing I took when I left my ex and I don’t care who you are you can’t borrow it!
I’m very much like that but it’s because I have standards and other people don’t know how to treat books. I will GIVE it if I don’t want the book anymore but I just don’t lend CDs. If I really want someone to have something, I’ll buy them a copy. You know how I feel about copyright issues and such….
And I just don’t do the borrowed clothes thing. Ever.
But for normal things, I have no problem sharing. At work we share quite a bit….
Sometimes I’m okay with sharing and sometimes I’m not. When it comes to books I usually will lend ONE book to someone and depending on how long it took to get it back and what condition it was in when it happened will determine if they ever get to lend one of my books again.
I don’t mind sharing at all. In fact things like books, CD’s and DVD’s I’m always happy to share. Of course there are things I will NEVER share… my husband, my underwear…
I’m sharer. I will loan books, CD’s, hair care items, clothes etc… BUT to a very select group of people. I will not just lend my stuff to anyone. If I know and trust you, what’s mine is yours. My rule of thumb when I loan things (besides clothes) is to not expect the items back. I guess some people would find that weird but it’s just the way I am.
xxx
I vacillate. Some things like books, CD’s, my time and food I share gladly. I’m not good at sharing bed space with kids because I really need my sleep and I’m generally not good at sharing my personal space with people, it was a huge adjustment when I got married.
I hear you on the sharing thing when you’re the oldest child, I had to share everything with my sister that is 7 yrs younger than me. You can imagine.
As an aside: I share a lot better when I’m not feeling anxious or stressed if that makes any sense whatsoever.
My grandchildren will always want what I have so I HAVE to share. I don’t share my clothes or my husband tho.
I’ve been known to hide my chocolate from the kids! Overall, I don’t have a big problem with sharing and generally will offer up something if I know someone needs it. If I don’t get it back, then lesson learned by me and about them.
I know that sharing is caring – and I am teaching my daughter this very important life lesson.
BUT. I don’t like sharing certain things – books, dvd’s, cd’s. ONLY because of the stuff I’ve lent out in the past, I’ve not got back. I don’t even lend things to family – sorry for you. HOWEVER
Sorry – don’t know what happened there..
HOWEVER – IF the person cherishes items as much as I do, then I am more than happy to share!
Bottom line – it’s all about respect of my things.
Oh I share – and often. There are a few things really close to my heart that I will not share, but for the rest, any day as long as you look after it.
I am a sharer. But if you mess up (or dont return timeously) then I will hesitate the next time!
Pingback: Lately I have not been all that cynical… | Unwritten
Pingback: Child1: books and offbeat humour | Unwritten