I know that my kids issues are not my fault.
I know that Child1 is genetically predisposed to ADHD.
I know that Autism is a spectrum disorder.
I know there is nothing that I could have done to prevent these issues.
I know that their issues can be managed and in some instances, certain behaviours can be corrected.
I know that they will both be fully functioning adults.
And yet.
I find myself wondering if there is ANYTHING that I could have done to prevent this. I wonder if it is something that I ate when I was pregnant. I wonder if I should have breastfed for longer. I wonder if I should have refused pain meds during labour. Intellectually I know that there is nothing that I could have done to prevent any of this. But I still can’t help wondering.
I cannot fathom that there are these problems and that there aren’t really any solutions except to just continue to contain/manage the problem. I really battle with this because I am generally very practical. I have always believed that for every problem there is a solution and now I am in a situation where things simply don’t work that way.
And I wonder about my wonky genes. Although our Neuro thinks that I’m not a candidate, I’m going to have myself tested for Fragile X syndrome in the next few weeks. Maybe I’ll be able to make peace and finally move on once I have some form of result?
There is definitely ADD on both sides of the family. I have 2 older cousins who are mentally challenged – though I don’t know any details about the full extent of their challenges.
I wonder about what the future holds for kids like mine. Will they forever be boxed? Will they forever be labelled by society? Will they be thought of as “less than?”
I wonder what they will be like in relationships. Child1 is battling at the moment with social skills. There is only so much I can do to help him – the rest is up to him. Child2 is anti-social and if he didn’t have this diagnosis – this label, then I would have assumed that he was a loner or an introvert. It really wouldn’t have been an issue to me because I get that we are all different. He can handle having people in his space only up to a point until he needs a timeout.
I wonder what kind of partners they will get. I wonder what life will be like for my grandchildren. I know that this is not a very pc thing to say but at this point in time I would be happy if my children don’t have any kids of their own. Surely the wonky genes need to be stopped in their tracks somewhere along the line?
I wonder. I wonder if. I wonder when. I wonder how. These are thoughts that are constantly swimming in my mind.
I know of adults with ADD who cope really well but I must be honest, I have never ever met an adult with Autism or Aspergers or any form of spectrum disorder.
Do you know of any adults who cope with ADHD or Aspergers or Autism? Is there really a place for my children in this harsh world that we live in? Am I going to have to manage them until I die?
Sigh. I really need a holiday from my brain that is working OVERTIME with all this stuff.
Shame, Jules! I SO get what you’re saying and where you’re coming from with this. I have the same concerns about X. My mind also wonders to all these scenarios and what ifs. Hell, my mind is so busy just wondering about the next 3 years! He’s delayed in areas that I wish he wasn’t. And it’s driving me dilly!
We will only know what the outcome is when they get there! We will forever wonder and worry – but we really should give ourselves a break!
My hubby has ADD. I think diet plays a pivotal role in ADD. I can see how my hubby hypes up the boys because that’s how he is – and at inappropriate times – like when it’s bed time and calm time! This does not bode well for my sensory seeker and teaching him to calm down! I can pull my hair out sometimes. BUT, my hubby is a a fully functioning adult and he has his coping mechanisms.
I’ve nominated you for an award on my blog!
I don’t knwo if you know who Daantjie is? He won Noot vir Noot and Flinkdink? He is Aspergers and inmour church. His wife is without a doubt somewhere on the autism spectrum too – that I can see. But their two kids are just fine – perfect little people. And the family leads a full life in the church community who has some understanding and obviously love. So there is hope my dear. As to the adhd issue, plenty of adults around us live with it – I actually know many if I think about it ( all male though).
As to the fragile X you really have me wondering if I should have L tested.
Sending you lots of love, hugs and kisses.
(((Hugs))) I am a fragile X carrier and honestly I’ve come to view it as a “no blame game”. I compare it to being in a car accident in which I was hit from behind, I didn’t see it coming, I could do nothing to stop or prevent it, what’s important is what I do afterwards. If you are testing make sure they DON’T do a chromosome or microarray analysis, not reliable in diagnosing FX, produces too many false negatives, they need to run the Fragile X DNA test or the new test by Asuragen – http://www.nomoresouthernblots.com You might be interested in this latest press release: http://www.fragilex.org/2012/foundation/press-release/public-health-impact-of-fragile-x-mutation-and-new-clues-on-root-cause-of-autism/ Please do the test, rule it in or rule it out.
Oh man, this sounds trite but. But hand it over to God. he loves those two much more than even you do.
In the meanwhile, one step at a time! And big hugs
Jules, as you know, my brother has ADHD but was only diagnosed very late in life… too late to really have any kind of cognitive therapy to help change some of his behaviours. He is very much a loner and does struggle with things the rest of us take foregranted.
Having said that, research shows that earlier someone is diagnosed with ADHD (not sure about Autism) the better their chances are of having successful relationships and adult lives.
As mothers, we will always feel guilty about something… for some of us, the reason’s for guilt are just greater than others.
(((hugs)))