Words of Affirmation is one of my primary love languages.
Do you know what that means? It means that I feel most loved when you verbally affirm me. It means that encouragement goes a long way and it means that words mean way more to me than the average person. You can quite literally build me or break me with your words or even your lack of words.
Do you know how much that sucks?
It means that I take it quite personally when I’m not affirmed, it means that your words (good or bad) will have more of an effect on me and it means that I quite literally feel unloved at times when I don’t hear the words of affirmation that I need to hear.
It means that I am VERY self-critical. It means that I over-think and over- analyse things to the point of driving myself nuts – because obviously I will ponder your words for a long time. It means that I continue to annoy myself (and others) if I don’t get affirmation in the way that I need it.
Honestly? I wish I could be like my DH. He absolutely could not care less if people affirm him or not. He affirms himself. He sets his own standard and measures his own performance. He doesn’t need anyone else to do this for him. HE knows his worth and doesn’t need others to remind him of this.
I am deeply envious at how unaffected he is by the lack of affirmation in some areas of his life. I regularly affirm and encourage him (it comes very naturally for me to do this with him and other people) but even if for some reason I don’t do this then it really is fine and he remains unaffected.
Mostly I compensate for the lack of affirmation in my life and I find that the best way to do this is to affirm others some more. But other times like today I really feel the lack of affirmation and it sucks. Granted, it could be that I’m PMS’ing and feel somewhat oversensitive.
I wonder if I can learn to have Gifts or something else as my primary love language because really, this just seems so much less complicated. Do you think that this is possible? Could I learn to have another love language if the one that I have has the potential to annoy me and others?
What is your Love Language?
Is your love tank full at this moment?
Do you sometimes wish you could rather have a different one? I know that this probably makes me odd. Rather don’t tell me that today. Please.
Ps…if you don’t know your Love Language you can take the test here:
I dont really think we can change the things that make us feel loved or valued, though i totally understand wanting to (saw a lot of myself in what you wrote). But i do think our strengths and weaknesses are often different sides of the same coin. If we receive a lot from affirmation, chances are when we receive unpleasant words or hostility we will also ‘receive’ a lot from them too (unfortunately) – but your strength is this – because you know the unnecessary pain that ‘harshness’ brings you dont treat people that way. That makes you a great friend and a lovely person to be around : )
My language of love is someone doing little things for me..like making coffee, just little things. My husbands language of love is physical. He loves to be hugged and kissed.
I suspect that my love language changes every time I take the test, depending on where I am at that moment emotionally…
I think the last time I took it it leaned towards the quality time one and now it’s on acts of service 
A sign that I may be feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment?
I am also a words of affirmation love language girl… words that nobody else would take note of cut me to the quick. Its I think one of the hardest love languages to have.
Hope you feel better soon!
HUGS
xxx
PS – has anyone told you lately how utterly FABULOUS you are?
Well, no, sweetie – unfortunately you can’t change who you are. God designed you that way for a Very Good Reason.
Mine is Words of Affirmation first and then Acts of Service.
I, unlike Sam above, think it’s one of the easiest to have
Tell me I’m fabulous and I’m good 
Kidding aside, my love tank is not entirely full at the moment but it mostly is and honestly, I’m too busy to have noticed! But that lovely email I blogged about last week did it for me. Also go read on the OQ blog what one lady wrote about what my gifts are (Wed last week) – will blow your mind (well….. it did mine)
So what that lady said on the course I was on is if you’re feeling starved, start asking. Say, “how do I look?” or (like I did, quite by accident, mind you) “what do you think my gifts are?” and then wait for the nice things to roll in, and bask in them
I also keep a smile folder in my inbox. When people send me things about ME that are nice, I save them for such a time as this. So nice to go read nice emails in one place when you’re a bit down.
Also, for WOA people, the more specific the feedback the better. And so, you are very thoughtful and kind. I love seeing your comments pop into my box because I know they’re always encouraging, always thoughful and caring, and sure to put a smile on my face.
(I haven’t totally lost it though so I don’t save all the comments in my smile file)
how are you feeling today?
My love language is quality time which also causes some tension with D and I because he is forever cycling or running or playing squash or having drinks at work or whatever and I take it personally and loathe it – we are working through it with our shrink though.
His love language is acts of service which arent “important” to me so there are issues from both sides.
Right now though my cup is overflowing
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