Friendship Friday: she’s just not into you.

So I’ve been thinking all week about this post that I wrote last week. I have been thinking about that particular friend and after giving it some serious thought and hearing my DH say it (shame he really tried to be kind about it but he does lack the diplomacy gene sometimes!), I realised something:

She’s not into me.

I felt incredibly sad about it all week.

Sad about the fact that we once shared so much.

Sad about the fact that I am so naïve about this kind of stuff. I mean seriously. How could I not realise it?

Sad about the fact that when we spend time together it really is cool.

And I did something that I shouldn’t have done. I internalised it. I made it all about me when it probably isn’t all about me. People do change. They outgrow one another. They find other more interesting people to hang out with. Such is life.

I was at the point where I was analysing every conversation that we’d had in the last while. I was thinking about her body language towards me when I last saw her. I kept thinking about whether the signs were there all along. They were. I was just didn’t want to see them.

So. Apparently we have a date for 27/04. I don’t know what will happen and if it will happen. I’m actually not going to follow it up.

I don’t know if I would find it easier if we had a conversation about it. Although I would prefer to have some closure I also don’t want it because I think I would find it too painful and I know that I will feel the rejection something fierce.

But. It’s OK. I’m OK.

There are other friends who are AWESOME. Other friends who ARE into me as much as I’m into them.

And so  today I am moving on. And I’m OK with that.

Have you ever had a friend who was not into you?

How did you handle it?

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10 thoughts on “Friendship Friday: she’s just not into you.

  1. I don’t know if you remember I blogged about a friendship that I thought had come to an end, a few months ago – i can’t remember when exactly. People had different responses and I did what I felt best doing – I left it. If I saw her around (as happens in Stutt) we chatted and it was ok, but not wonderful. Then I needed her help and she was there, with no hesitation. So then I knew that perhaps we had just drifted for a while, due to both our busy lives and different family needs, and I let her know that I had missed her friendship. We haven’t seen each other for longer than about an hour since then (and that was beginning March) but we sms, fb and chat on the phone now and then. And it’s ok. It’s totally OK. Because we both know that we are there for each other – whether or not we see each other all the time, or talk all the time.

    So what I’m saying is. DON”t read too much inot the situation. DON’T over-analyse it. DON”t write her off. Just leave things be and it they are mean’t to be they will be.

    Too much over-analysing/questions/am i aren’t i are no good – EVER.

    Much lvoe xx

  2. It’s so hard because you think “well, I know I’m okay and many other people think that, but why not THIS person?” DId you read that article I sent you yesterday? PERFECT for just this situation.

    You are AWESOME and I am SO into you :) My one sadness about our friendship is that we’re not in the same city but seriously, this year it’s got to happen!

    Remember my one friend who is quite self-centred? She just is like that – she really is not intentionally not caring about me – but when I need her, she is THERE. In a really practical way – food (big for me – my one love language acts of service) , doing things for me so I’m taking it for what it is. Although we did run into each other on the weekend and said “we really need to get together. In this respect she’s quite flaky so I’ll send her a meeting invite :)

  3. I truly believe that some people are just passing through our lives, while others stay. Some relationships or friendships just run their full course and are then complete. It’s absolutely not personal. I’ve had a few of those and remember the people with genuine fondness and gratitude for the times we spent together.

  4. Nope, it hasnt happened to me. But I have *dumped* a friend I have known for 15yrs. (of course I dont see it as dumping but pretty sure she has). Stuff happens, times change, people change, children grow up, people move, interests change, only so many hours in my life (and hers)…..she will always be a very special part of my past – she was probably my best friend a few years ago but stuff just got weird for me. Things we once had in common just disappeared. I think I changed and she stayed the same (or vice versa) – I cant explain it here; remind me when we hang out again and we can chat more. I just wanted to say from this side of the table – DONT INTERNALISE IT. I bet you anything its not about YOU per se – its just the way the world turns. :-)

  5. That is not a nice thing to have to acknowledged…maybe words it differently. Instead of “Shes not into you” …how about “Shes so not worth you”…smile (much prefer that wording)

  6. It happens and it doesn’t feel good when it does. Chin up…and rather focus your attention on the ones that are that into you.

  7. I have had a few friends like that and recently I feel like a bit of a second thought with one of my closer friends and then I saw this “If someone wants to be part of your life, they will make an effort to be in it. So don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay” it rang true so I posted that on my FB page and in a few minutes I got a call from her. I think sometimes some people just need a bit of a reminder to try.

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