Thank you for all your beautiful comments on my previous post. I took something for my tummy and am feeling sooooo much better. I am taking it easy for the next two days (no schedules or timetables or knitting or ANYTHING – in fact I spent last night watching really mindless TV) and then I will reassess where I’m at. I did go and exercise yesterday and it was HARD but I feel somewhat more normal.
I haven’t forgotten about the follow-up to that shouting post. I’ve finished writing it and am tweaking it a bit and I will publish it tomorrow.
I just really need to talk about about a different issue quickly.
There is a person in my life who is overwhelmed by anxiety.
This person (I don’t want to say who it is but I’m sure that you can figure that out) has had an exceptionally tough year.
The person in question has recently lost a parent and is under tremendous stress in the workplace. He works A LOT of hours for a rubbish employer who literally expects 300% from his staff and wants to return the favour with 20%. No wonder he has such a VERY HIGH staff turnover.
The persons anxiety is becoming crippling and we are slowly getting to the point where he is unable to cope. There are even panic attacks being thrown in for good measure. The other day I had to make the person pull over in the traffic so I could drive. We witnessed an accident – thankfully nothing major, and he literally froze and couldn’t remember what to do.
I have talked to the person about seeing someone but he is not ready (or rather, he is not comfortable) with that. I don’t think that men are into that whole “seeing someone to talk about their feelings” business. I then asked the person to go to our GP to get booked off sick for a couple of days. I do believe that a big part of the problem is this persons levels of fatigue. I believe that he needs to be home for a few days. Just to rest and not do or think about anything else. I think that he needs a time-out of sorts. When I mentioned this to him he panicked. He told me that he cannot deal with the fallout that will inevitably take place at work if he takes off sick.
I asked the person to come and run with me at the crack of dawn on a Saturday and a Sunday morning. I told him that it would do him the world of good and that it’s a start. I told him that we don’t even have to run, we can either do brisk walking or we can do walk-run, walk-run. He is not sure. Well. Not yet. The person even struggles to make a basic decision like this.
The person keeps thinking that he is going to die any minute now. He has practically been OD’ing on Rescue which no longer seems to do anything.
The person is not that keen on medicating (his reasons for this are completely valid and I do understand them but I wish that he would at least TRY) so I am kind of at a loss as to the way forward. I know that I can convince him but ultimately he needs to make the decision and go forward with it.
I do suffer from mild anxiety as well (though I never used to get panic attacks – mostly knots-in-my-tummy stuff) so I know that it is a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE place to be. Fortunately my AD medication manages this for me so I am very lucky to not have that anxiety be a part of my life any longer. In very extreme circumstances I may take some Rescue Remedy.
If you are someone who struggles with anxiety or if you know someone who struggles with it then what would you suggest?
How does one deal with this? How does one deal with someone who is afraid to go for help/won’t medicate/ is crippled to the point that they don’t know where to start dealing with this?
And why are some people more prone to this kind of stuff than others?
I feel really sad for this person as he has truly had the most horrible 2011.
The person that I’m referring to knows about this blog and chooses not to read it. Having said that, I do think that I will take this post down within the next day or so.
Would it be bad if you ask his mom to talk to him and suggest that he go see someone. He seems to listen to her.
Oh now THAT would not impress him. To be honest, his Mom also probably needs to go and talk to someone. According to her though she is “fine”.
My first reaction is to say that a mild AD would defrinately help him, but that is also not a long-term solution.
He needs to deal with the death of his parent first. And for that he does noeed to talk to someone, sadly. Men are crap at doing that, but he will feel so much better.
Btw do you know you have snow falling on your blog page?
Sorry, it has been bothering me, wondered if you knew about it?
Then i reckon he needs to find a new job. Sounds like he is completely taken for granted there. I think the thing with men is that they ‘need’ to be in charge, in control and the ‘head’ of the family and succeeding in the workplace. He is struggling at the moment, understandably, so is not feeling any of these things, which in turn makes him feel less ‘manly’ and head of the family etc etc but until he deals with the issues nothing is giong to change. but to deal with the issues is hard because ‘men’ don’t need to go and talk to someone, because that is admitting that there is a problem and that you’re not a ‘man’ so it is a complete cycle and it never gets fixed.
does that make sense?
Maybe go with him to see someone, just to ease him into it? or go to your local gp and get some meds for him, just to take the edge off and see him through this december.
Mail me if you need to talk more xx
This sounds like me a year ago. I had never really suffered from anxiety, but suddenly I was all over the place. You can read about the symptoms and the findings here:
http://www.hblewett.com/blog/2010/12/27/im-pushing-an-elephant-up-the-stairs/
and here
http://www.hblewett.com/blog/2011/01/23/i-come-undone/
The person you’re refering to may be suffering from adrenal exhaustion, like I did. The professor who treated me doesn’t charge for his services (he’s at Tygerberg hospital), although I may have had to pay for the lab test. The adrenal supplement I used was Adreset and for anxiety I took Serenagen (both from Metagenics). They are made from natural products and you’ll find them at health stores.
Good luck. I hope you can convince him to get help. There comes a point where it’s hard to turn it around – a year later I am still not fully recovered.
Shayne kills me with the snow falling on your blog comment
in the midst of all the other stuff!
My style is total Commando – I would threaten him with no dot dot dot until he goes to see someone
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. And yes, you can cyber slap me.
I have some similar stuff with work but my “person” says the issue of confronting them at work would make him so anxious it’s easier to put up with the being taken for granted. Since I totally am a bull in a china shop type of person, I don’t get it… but i have to respect it.
But seriously, BEG him to go see someone.
My man lost his mother suddenly last year. There were ramifications. He needs to buck up, put his preconceived ideas in his back pocket and got get help immediately. Mild, short term meds would be helpful too. He is losing precious moments EVERY DAY he lives like this. Once he is stable again I would suggest he begins to look for a new job too but too much too soon will cripple him – ONE THING at a time right now.
to much to soon…..(got stuck on my too’s there eh?)
and more….the best thing for him now is plenty of dot dot dot so I have to disagree with Marcia! (but maybe she was kidding???)
Im on Cipralex, a very mild anti anxiety med. So mild in fact that my GP will prescribe it without me going to a psychologist/psychiatrist.
He doesnt have to go talk to some one, or spill his guts to someone but he definitely needs to talk to his GP about something like Cipralex, even if its only to get him over the next 2 or 3 months…
((((hugs)))
It sounds like he is scraping the bottom of the barrel and not coping at all. He needs a break! Can you organize with his boss that he take sometime off and take him on an impromptu trip? Somewhere where he can just relax and have some time to reflect.
Thinking of you guys xxx
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He sounds like he is burnt out Jules. Totally burnt out. Too much stress and too much “life” knocking him down. While I understand he’s afraid of the fall out of taking some sick leave (am in similar working conditions) he needs some time. He’s gonna do some serious damage to himself if he doesn’t. Wish I could wave a magic wand and help fix it all… Thinking of you and sending love.
xxx