When we become parents we are all aware of the fact that there is going to be a degree of self-sacrifice.
As a Mom, you forgo the pair of Nine-West boots that you are admiring because your kids need jackets for winter – you get a much cheaper pair from Edgars instead. You buy the Rimmel range of make-up instead of the Clinique or the Estee Lauder range because maybe your kid really wants to ride horses or do gymnastics. You do a facial ONLY once a month instead of every weekend because there are other priorities when it comes to the kids (or your spouse). Mostly we don’t think about it – well at least I don’t think about it.
You just kind of do whatever you need to do and take it from there. You adjust to your “new normal”.
We don’t just make material-type or financial sacrifices. We make sacrifices in ALL kinds of ways – including with our time and our emotions.
This past weekend I couldn’t attend my guitar lesson AGAIN. I had to wait for my DH to finish work and he ran overtime. Today I couldn’t go to Boot Camp (that I paid for btw…) because he unexpectedly had to work late and there was not a single other person available to fetch and watch my kids for just one hour.
I could not have my hair seen to this month (it needs to be relaxed, cut, highlighted etc because it is currently DISGUSTING!) because my Tween boy needed shoes for school AND a pair of sandals AND a partial summer uniform upgrade. He also needed some other craft stuff because we had to build something for a Technology assignment of his – such a ridiculous assignment which was essentially not budgeted for.
My Toddler also needed a pair of sandals and some shorts which I bought.
For the most part, I don’t mind the financial sacrifices too much. I know my kids need these things and I really don’t mind buying stuff for them.
I know it will pay off and I know that it won’t be forever. I chose to have kids and so, yes I have essentially made my bed and should lie in it or whatever.
I do have more of a problem when it comes to sacrificing the little free time that I have. Especially if it has to happen due to reasons beyond my control.
I do feel like the self-sacrifice is getting WAY out of hand! If feels like I am the only one sacrificing (money AND time) and like everything happens at my expense.
I feel bad for feeling resentful about this but it is seriously starting to annoy me. I know that I only have myself to blame for this – I have essentially allowed it to go too far. When my husband was unemployed I took on a lot of the money stuff – it was necessary at the time and I really didn’t mind it. However, things have essentially stayed the same since then. Only now I also have less time for myself.
So this is my question: At what point does self-sacrifice become too much! Is there such a thing as too much self-sacrifice for your kids/spouse? Is the self-sacrifice factor a balanced one in your relationship with your spouse/partner? OR are you a doormat like me who seems to make most of the sacrifices?
Ugh. Sorry if I am sounding all moany. I just feel so stupid about this!