Remember this post where I wrote about the status of my relationships with my girls?
Well, I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I realised something.
I am partly to blame as I essentially isolated myself.
During my husband’s period of unemployment I stopped making an effort. I wasn’t rude or anything and there was no fallout but I ended up just staying away – mainly because I simply couldn’t cope with everyone complaining about ridiculous, arb stuff in their lives. I guess I was overwhelmed by the fact that I was going through something way bigger.
We were literally living from day-to-day and doing what needed to be done to survive and we were essentially depressed. We withdrew from everyone except our families and those really good friends who continued to pitch up, despite the fact that we were “in hiding”. At least I had my friends in the computer who ironically provided me with more emotional support than my irl friends.
In that time it was just me and my DH against the world – at least that’s how it felt.
I honestly couldn’t deal with people who were self-absorbed and whining about crap. I wanted to choke them. So I stayed away. And actually, so did they. I’m thinking that a good friend sticks around and continues to check on you through all kinds of crap?
When my husband eventually started to work again, I felt more ready to face the world. We both were. I guess we felt that we were ready to look people in the eye again. Things were (and are still) tough as we are trying to recover from that period (a process which could take years) but at least we had our hope back and started to feel more “normal” for lack of a better word.
So I started to reach out. But, it was too late as everyone was in different phases of their lives and they had essentially moved on. Guess they couldn’t be held back by depressed people who had no money…
And this is where we are currently at. I am still reaching out and it is not being reciprocated – maybe because I stayed away when I wasn’t coping? I don’t know. It takes a long time for me to finally write someone off. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and I am of the view that everyone deserves another chance.
It is something painful for me but I am mature enough to realise when it is time to move on.
And so, that is what I have decided. I am moving on.
It’s time for new experiences and new friends and healthier connections. Time to clean up FB. Time to declutter some unhealthy, one-way-street friendships. Time for new spreadsheets – I deleted the one that I had in a fit of rage.
Actually, the possibilities are endless. I just need to put myself out there a bit which complicates my life a bit because I’m shy. But, it can and will be done.
I can totally do this.
ps…I had the loveliest Women’s Day. A good run, awesome breakfast, a beach walk, some outside play with the kids, ice cream, a nap. I made a lot of food yesterday so I wouldn’t have to cook today and my DH’s 2 friends came to visit while I was sleeping and ate MOST OF IT! Had to throw something together earlier! Eish. Was not impressed