My DH and I don’t really have many couples as friends. I think that a number of factors have contributed to this – I’ve even created a list:
- We have had a difficult few years and some people (people who you think are your friends) can’t cope with it when you are feeling too low to party with them so they stay away. And once things get better and they start coming back then my DH and I prefer to not worry with them because they ran a mile when we really needed SOME kind of emotional support.
- Many of our party soldier friends don’t have kids so they can’t understand that we are not available at a moment’s notice to go out. I don’t have a shortage of babysitters but that doesn’t mean that I want to take advantage of their kindness and saddle them with my kids at the last minute. Besides, weekends are the only times when we have block periods of quality time with our kids so we actually prefer to plan our lives around this.
- Some of our friends can’t cope with my Tween boys ADHD issues. I get that, so I tend to invite them to our place instead of going around to their houses because I do relax more and find it easier to manage him in his own space. The problem with this is that things tend to start becoming one-sided and I eventually stop doing this because surely if they are our friends then they will at least try to learn something about ADHD and try to understand why we do what we do?
- Our lifestyles have changed. We no longer enjoy going out at night and prefer to do stuff together with other families – usually during the day. We want to do braais and long lunches and things like that. We are done with clubbing and all nighters.
- Family life and working full-time does tend to keep us and everyone else VERY BUSY.
- I find that we have unconsciously “broken up” with a number of our friends because our value systems have changed over the years. We have grown and it just seems like some of our friends haven’t (or maybe we have all grown in different areas of our lives) so we end up having very little in common and having very little to talk about.
- Some of our friends live far from us so it is not logistically possible to socialise more than once a year or whatever.
My DH and I don’t really need people to have a good time. We have a lot of fun together and enjoy one another’s company, but it would be nice to go out on a double date or whatever at least once a month or so. We were talking about it and we kind of miss having other couples as friends. To be honest, I have no idea how to even begin to make other “couple” or “family” friends. I must actually ask him what he would suggest in terms of us making new friends. Where does one even start?
Do you and your partner socialise a lot? Do you have many couple or family-type friends? How on earth does one make friends at this age without going through the motions of “do they like us and will they call again”?