I have been pregnant twice already.
The first pregnancy I did not enjoy so much as I was in denial about it. The second time though, I truly loved being pregnant. It was a very special time for me and my DH and my now Tween son. Pregnancy #2 definitely made up for pregnancy #1.
I enjoyed my changing body shape, I enjoyed speaking to and singing to my unborn son, I loved feeling him move, I enjoyed simply watching my tummy. I didn’t pick up a lot of weight when I was pregnant and it just made my hair and skin glow. I felt beautiful in that second pregnancy. I felt completely fulfilled for the first time in a very long time. I never had nausea or any of those ugly ailments like constipation, though I did have killer heartburn and lived on Gaviscon for the duration of the pregnancy.
Now here’s the thing. I want to be pregnant again. I really do.
But I don’t want more kids. I am so done with that. I am done with pushing babies out. I am done with having to take care of an injured vajajay after birth. I am done with broken sleep. I am done with teething. I am done with engorged, leaky boobs. I am done with colic. I am done with drooling babies. I am done with all of this and more.
But I really want to be pregnant. I asked my DH how he would feel if I acted as a surrogate for a childless couple. He said NO. I am angry with him for saying no but I do understand where he is coming from as well.
I guess it is something that I can fantasize about. Sigh.
Does anyone else feel the need to be pg without the aftermath that is baby? Are these feelings normal? Is it because I’m getting older and am becoming more and more aware that I’m running out of time?