What a bummer!

I listen to a lot of music.

I have a very wide musical “palate” so-to-speak, and I can listen to practically ANY genre, even if it’s something that I wouldn’t actually buy.

I do love that Son1 is comfortable enough to share his music with me and that I am actually tolerant enough to listen to what I basically believe is quite rubbish music.

I have noticed a trend for some time now. I call it the BUM TREND, because almost ALL THE SONGS are about booty.

All the artists are either poking fun at bum.

Or praising bum.

Or shaking bum.

Or encouraging the embracing of bum.

Your KimK’s and  your Nicki Minaj’s and your JLo’s have made the bum something cool. Apparently KimK even had surgery to enhance hers.  What is the deal with people using their bums to try and be relevant with their art?

If it’s not Kim flaunting her na.ked  bum then it’s Nicki Minaj grinding and twerking hers while singing “oh my gosh, look at her butt”.  Or it’s Jason Derulo asking you to “wiggle wiggle wiggle” yours. Or it’s Meghan Trainor telling us that she has “junk” in all the right places and that the boys chase her because she’s got the goods. Or it’s JLo and Iggy Azalea singing about everyone getting a taste of their booties.

I’m so over it. And annoyed by it.  I’m annoyed with myself too because I seem to be getting desensitised to it.  The problem is that the songs are sooooo catchy and you (and your kids) can’t help but sing along to it.

The other day I was driving with my Dad and some or other booty-shaking song came on and he immediately changed the station to another one with a DIFFERENT booty song. Gosh, I was mortified. And embarrassed. So very embarrassed for this generation. How has this even become a normal thing?  There are sooooo many BRILLIANT artists who write timeless, amazing, classic songs and then the vulgar bum songs are the ones that remain  in the top 10 for MONTHS at a time!

I must be honest. I would LOVE to have less bum on my body – it’s a  hindrance, and if money was not an issue then I would cut off at least  40% of it. My bum stays put when I lose weight which btw is  super annoying.

I’m  tired of the bum songs and if I’m honest, I have never truly taken to them. Because seriously. Is there really nothing else to write about other than bum? How is it that these artists make all this money singing about bum? How do they even sing about it with a straight face????

Do you think there’s too much bum in the songs? Are you happy with your bum? Are you shaking/twerking/grinding it or fantasising about having some cut away?

I have decided that I’m done now. My kids and I are going back to listening to CDs that I APPROVE fit for listening consumption.  Or we’ll just go back to FMR.

Ps..this is not my first post about modern pop music. I wrote about Katy Perry and her s*xy songs in a previous post. Go look at it over here – FYI…I tried to ignore those lyrics. I then got rid of that CD when I heard Son2 (i.e. my speech delayed son) singing those very offensive, vulgar lyrics – yes, I AM that Mom.  I can write an entire post or three about the fact that whether or not we want to admit it, it’s NEVER “just” a song.  Any type of art communicates with us and changes us and impacts us, and quite frankly I expect A LOT more from my art. But that is a topic for another post.

Pps…I realise that this post makes me sound old. I am old. It’s fine. I’m still tired of bum songs.


Let’s try this again: Ten on Tuesday

Hello. How are you?

I am OK. There have been  some ups and downs in the last while but am surviving the end-of-year madness. This is where I’m currently at:

  1. Not a single present or Christmas card has been bought. In fact, I started a list and didn’t finish it. I have now decided that everyone is getting succulents with a handwritten thank you/Christmas card. It’s just easier. I would LOVE for Father Christmas to give a succulent to each of my sons as well but I realise that this simply WILL NOT sit well with them. What a pity! Is your Christmas present and card shopping sorted?
  1. Son1 is writing exams. It’s driving me nuts. It’s driving him nuts too. He’s actually not himself at the moment. A kid at his school died last week and even though they weren’t close friends, it affected him. I think he somehow didn’t realise that it’s not only old people who die.
  1. Son2 is going to start Grade 1 next year. With support. Using a tutor is the BEST decision that I could have made for him. Expensive but sooooo worth it. That said, he’s being rather difficult these days. I think he also has end-of-year-itis.
  1. My DH is working a lot. Which I guess is to be expected this time of the year.
  1. I’ve been stabby and needy and moody and super sensitive even though I’m not PMS’ing. I think it’s the time of year that does this to me. I don’t have a good relationship with this time of the year and ALL my patience flies out of the window.  I think I will feel better once I have a good swim in the ocean. But I’m nervous. Because. Snakes. The experts say that it would not have been dangerous to come into contact with that snake.  I think that they are telling TOO MANY LIES ALREADY!!!
  2. I applied for a nice (actually boring) job at work and never got it. It affected me more than I care to admit.
  1. I was ready to shut this blog down last week. Then two of my friends told me to re-invent it or whatever. I’m playing around with a few ideas for it. If you are clever with WordPress can you please tell me in the comments? I need to do a few things that I can’t figure out. Ps…Louisa I am looking at you.  Also, now that we’re talking about this blog, won’t you please tell me what you want to see here? Do you want a whole lot of words? Do you want adverts and reviews? Do you want more pictures and less words? Am genuinely curious.
  2. My friend gave me a ticket so I can go and see 30 seconds to Mars with him this weekend. I don’t know all of their music (only some) so have been listening to their you-tubes these past few days. I plan to drink a lot of alcohol and do a fair amount of head-banging to relieve my stress. I’m not driving, so I CAN!
  1. I am VERY proud of my festive season social calendar. It’s basically non-existent for the next 2 months, which is EXACTLY how I prefer it this time of the year. As it is, there’s enough stuff going on. How’s your social life at the moment?
  1. Money is causing problems in my life. Old news but still VERY annoying. This is why we’re going to have to forgo a holiday this year and do a staycation instead.  Staycations aren’t really fun if you are in CT in December. The beaches are CROWDED and the traffic is a complete nightmare. That said, I’m planning nice (free) things for us to do and I think it will be fine if we work cleverly around the crowds. Is your holiday booked? Where will you be going?

So. How are you? What’s been happening?  Are you managing to keep it together for this time of year?

Musings. About death.

I went to a funeral a few weeks ago. Have I mentioned how much I HATE funerals?

The person who died was a cousin of a close friend of mine and I went to support her. He was 32 and had been killed in a car accident. I had met him maybe twice in my life, more than  10 years ago.

Anyway. It struck me how much I had in common with this young man.  He was intense and highly creative and an artist in his own right. He lived in his head. He was searching. Always pondering.  WE had exactly the same taste in music.

It also struck me how utterly and completely loved he was by his friends and family. They were shattered and devastated beyond belief.  I went home feeling completely drained, got straight into bed and I stayed there for the rest of the day.  This is one of the WORST things about being a Feeler – I am like a sponge and I absorb EVERYONE’S emotions.

I found that funeral service very beautiful and moving. The sermon too. The priest focused on the theme of readiness and preparedness, not just from a spiritual point of view but also from a practical point of view. It made me think long and hard, which is ALWAYS a good thing.

So, obviously, I have had death on my mind in the last while. In fact, I’ve had death on my mind for a few months now. One of my parents is currently undergoing cancer treatment, so of course there are things that I am afraid to say out loud.

I am trying to become more comfortable just talking about death. Because generally, just the mere mention of it is enough to give me anxiety.  I am actually afraid of death.

My family and I used to be OK with joking about it.  My sister and I ALWAYS laughed and told my Dad that he would NEVER be allowed to remarry and that we would NOT  approve of ANY other woman in the absence of my Mom.  Especially those forward women from the church.   I have found that we no longer joke about it (it’s just too hard) and to be honest, I don’t see us joking about it for a VERY long time.

I think that we all know that death is a natural part of life. But, we struggle with it, because we don’t fully understand it – it’s really just such a strange phenomenon.  First there is life. Then there is no more life. The heart beats. Then it no longer beats.  The lungs fill up with air. And then, nothing. Blood pumps through the body from the heart. Then, there is silence. Darkness.  No more pumping.  It sounds black and white but in real life when you suffer loss then there’s nothing black and white about it.

As someone who believes in God, I know that there is life after death but I am specifically referring to life here on earth.  And truthfully, even if you are spiritually inclined and even if you believe in God, you can still be left confused if someone close to you dies – believing in God and being spiritual doesn’t  exempt you from that. You still question, you still get angry, you still curse and rage at the heavens, you still don’t fully understand the WHY.

So a few weeks ago my DH and I were talking about death, as you do when your name is Julia and you have been over thinking things. I told him that I would NEVER marry again because I have no time to be training up someone new, but that I would be having s*x. Not sure with who exactly. He told me good luck with that and that he would DEFINITELY get married again because having a wife is kind of handy.

I asked him who he thought would cry buckets at my funeral. He mentioned A LOT of names and he asked me if (sarcastically) if he needed to make a spreadsheet for me. Sigh.  I know it sounds terrible to be seeking affirmation in death but I was secretly thrilled at all the names he mentioned! I asked him if he thought I was weird. He said” OBVIOUSLY!”.

I DO love that he indulges the weirdness even if it makes him uncomfortable. And I do love that, even though he doesn’t talk about death, he is happy to talk to me about it if that’s what I need.  In fact, he’s fairly comfortable about it and is very black and white about it – most likely because he has lost a parent.

And you? Are you comfortable talking about death? Does talking about it make you anxious? Does your family joke about it the way my family used to? Do you wonder about how it will happen to you? Do you wonder silly things like who will cry at your funeral?  

First World Problems

I was very unproductive today.

It’s all because of my nails. Last night I removed the BEAUTIFUL “Where’s my chauffeur” from Essie and replaced it with the VILE “Wild Savanna” from Avon.   Btw…I DO choose nail polish (and wine) based on the name. Do you do that?

Thankfully the Wild Savanna was a gift because I would have been LIVID if I had actually bought it for myself. I am passing that gift along to one of my friends.

Here’s a link to Where’s my Chauffeur – I am going to have to buy MORE because I ADORE this colour that was part of a gift set that I got for my birthday.

Anyway. I REALLY hated  the Wild Savanna after I applied it last night.

Here’s Wild Savanna.

Despite hating it,  I left it, because it does sometimes happen that I need to wait a few hours for a colour to grow on me. Well. The Wild Savanna did NOT grow on me. It made me want to VOM.

When I got to work this morning I decided that I would remove it as soon as I got home. Then I tried to work. I could NOT work because I just couldn’t stop looking at this vile greeny poop colour on my nails. I then spent my time designing a piece that I want tattooed on my wrist. And then I contacted the artist to make arrangements for a meetup.

Then I tried to organise flowers for someone in my life who had a hard day. That didn’t work out as planned and I ended up calling her.

After this, I decided that I would go to Clicks ASAP  to get some nail polish remover because I REALLY could not have this colour on my nails for all those hours until home time. Right. So I removed the colour and all was well in my world again.

Alas. It made no difference to my productivity. Because by then I found something else to distract me: TOILET SEATS.

I decided that I would go and buy a new toilet seat after work. So I googled “toilet seats” and let me tell you this, there are MANY toilet seats on the market!  So many options and colours! Who would have thought that there was such a science to the humble toilet seat?

I sent the links to my DH and told him to choose a toilet seat because I was just finding this ridiculous! – you know how I hate having too many options, yes? Btw…he IGNORED my email because apparently he was busy working. Seriously!

At that point,  I decided to write off my productivity for today. So I went onto Essie’s website to choose a new colour. I have my first pedi for the season scheduled tomorrow – am soooo excited!

But then, I was wondering what the etiquette is with pedicured nails.  Are the colours on your hands and feet meant to match? Is there some kind of unwritten rule that I need to know about? Because mine is NOT  going to match. And I’m OK with that. I did find out in the interim that it’s up to you if you want it to match.

Do yours normally match? When last did you have a completely unproductive day? And when last did you just HATE a colour on your nails??

Ps…I would put a picture up. But then I am going to be reminded of this disgusting colour called Wild Savanna. Ugh. Sorry. Not happening.

pps…I realise how LUCKY I am to have first world problems. I know that it makes me sound super shallow but just for today, I am OWNING it. What’s your current first world problem??

What constitutes a good book?

I have been slacking in the reading department. There are various reasons for this – am a bit lazy, am tired and I have no time because I am very caught up in my current knitting project. I am also watching Bones Season 1 while I knit and I am thoroughly enjoying that! Basically, I need to tweak my schedule so I can manage to fit in an hour of reading every night.

Anyway. I was reading Marcia’s post earlier and it made me think about what (for me) constitutes a bad book.

This is what I could come up with:

  1. A bad book takes FOREVER to get to the point.
  2. A bad book has an ending that was NOT well-thought out.
  3. A bad book is one that doesn’t make me think long and hard about my own views on the subject matter. I need a book to stay with me for WEEKS afterwards. THAT, for me, is the sign of a good book.
  4. A bad book is one where the author rambles on and on and on. See point 1.
  5. A bad book is one where there is no cohesion and there are too many “little” stories in-between that I am apparently meant to “tie-up” at some point. Seriously. I work hard and I’m tired a lot. I can’t be doing this. Give it to me straight already!
  6. A bad book is one where the characters are somewhat underdeveloped and zero-dimensional. I LOVE characters and their  behaviours and little quirks and nuances. It irritates me when the character is too “surface-like” or shallow.

Now I do realise that this is all subjective, because one person’s bad book could very well be another person’s masterpiece. We do all favour different genres, so that would also play a role in what we each consider a “bad” book.

I usually give a book a chance for 2 (maybe 3) chapters and if I am still not feeling it at that point, then I move on. Unless of course a book was given to me as a gift! Then I just CANNOT get myself to move on. I always feel like I need to be prepared just in case the person who gave it to me asks questions!

Other than that, I am one of those people who find it EASY to write off a book – I REALLY think that life’s too short to read books that are NOT doing it for you.

What (for you) constitutes a bad book? Do you find it easy to put a book down and move on if you’re not feeling it? And do you feel OBLIGATED to finish a gift book even if it is TERRIBLE??

Actually. Do you even read??? I ask this question because I recently wanted to buy a book gift for someone and then they told me that they don’t read, so I must please NOT buy them any books!

I have been feeling out of sync for the past four months.

It’s been an emotionally trying time. Many things have happened – things that just completely pulled the rug from under my feet.

My problem is that I feel too much.  Also that I think too much. As much as I LOVE that about myself, I also hate it A LOT because when there is trauma things just become way too intense. I can’t NOT take things on and it does affect EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of my life. I go quiet. I withdraw. I stop engaging.  My default response is FLIGHT. Not FIGHT. I honestly wish that my default response could be to FIGHT. I want to be in bed ALL DAY LONG.

I had my meds tweaked, it didn’t really make that much difference. I was/am still out of sync.

And then yesterday I realised something.

I am grieving and I need to deal with it.

I am grieving the loss of my innocence.

Because things that happened in my life in the last while are things that usually happen to “OTHER PEOPLE” and NOT ME or my family It’s always easy to deal with if it’s not happening to you.  You show support. You pray for the person. You encourage them. You do practical things for them, like maybe cook them a meal or pick up their kids. And when it does happen to you then it catches you sooooo off guard that you actually forget to take a breath.  You don’t actually even know how to accept help! It’s even worse when you need to remain sensible and continue to encourage because you ultimately don’t deal with your own feelings.

The past few months have consisted of a breakup with a family member – she was using drugs and we had to go all Tough Love on her. It was very painful, more so because she has young kids who couldn’t cope with it. There were two sick parents and let me tell you this: the ONLY thing worse than having a sick child is having a sick parent. It is AWFUL.  There was the loss of a child. There were two family members who had quite serious, nail biting surgeries. There was drama at work.  Then there’s the “stuff” of my friends. I honestly don’t mind their “stuff”. In fact, I welcome it because it’s a nice distraction from MY stuff. But, realistically, it can get too much. It HAS been too much and  I do not wish any of what my family has gone through in 2014 on ANYONE. And of course, in addition to all of this, the LIFE STUFF must go on. Kids still need to eat. Homework still needs to be done. I still need to be a good partner to my husband. I still need to go and work within what can sometimes be a war zone. Life goes on if you’re a Mom. There is simply no time to deal with your own “stuff”. Well, in my life, there hasn’t been time for this and I am feeling it now more than ever.

So here I am. Life is no longer simple or black and white.  Pollyanna no longer lives here. My innocence has left the building. Because I realise that shit can happen to ANYONE.

People get sick. Babies die. Parents are not immortal. Sensible people do stupid things that wreck their lives and break up families. Children get hurt. There’s war. And famine. And poverty. And there’s grief. Like depression, grief is really such a bitch. It causes you to lose perspective. It causes you to lose a part of who you are. It makes you question EVERYTHING from your value system to your beliefs. You see who your friends are. You see what your family is made of. And you realise that you CANNOT be an island, even if you want to be one.

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what’s next on the “so much kak in my life” menu. But today, THIS is what I know for sure:

I have AMAZING friends. You know who you are. THANK YOU.

God is faithful.

Crying is therapeutic and healing.

Writing is therapeutic and healing and I can’t go without my words.

My family is amazing and resilient.

Bad things happen to good people.

I have A LOT to be grateful for.

How are you doing?  Did you notice that I haven’t been blogging much? Do you miss my blogs? You can say NO if you want to.  What is your default response when there’s difficulty in your life? Is it FIGHT or FLIGHT? What do YOU know for sure at this moment?

So much of drama with the loose teeth!

Remember I shared about the loose tooth story over here? 

Basically, Son2 HATED it and screamed ALL THE TIME. We could not touch his mouth, he refused to open it to eat and brush his teeth and eventually, the tooth came out and he swallowed it.

Prior to that, I discussed selling the tooth to the tooth mouse (that mouse does come to our house) and he refused and said “it’s mine tooth”. Well, that was that.  As soon as the loose tooth was no longer an issue we all moved on.

The  2nd time around with a loose tooth  was a complete non-issue,  I think because he knew what to expect. We didn’t even talk about it.

Last week I was in bed and Son2 came to “visit” me  – he does this to avoid going to sleep.  The “visit” (which takes place anytime between 20:00 and 22:30pm – yes, I am THAT Mommy!) usually includes a bit of a cuddle and  ALWAYS ends with him falling asleep in our bed. One of us has to carry him back to his bed.

Anyway. So my DH says to him “show Mommy your loose tooth”. He then proceeded to wiggle his VERY loose tooth for me. IT was quite literally hanging by a gum thread and watching him wiggle it went right through me and gave me the creeps!  I did actually have to take a few deep breaths.

Then my DH told him to take out his tooth. And guess what?? He actually did this!!!

Now, I am not a person who is easily grossed out. I can handle bodily fluids about 97% of the time and I am fairly OK with general grossness.

But seriously. My kid pulling out his own tooth in front of me? THAT grossed me out completely. I was NAAR!

He was all matter-of-fact about it.

“Look mommy, here’s my tooth”, he said all excitedly.  I couldn’t look at him. Or the tooth. And he was so proud of it which made it even worse!  Fortunately there was no blood – I think that this would have freaked him out.

My DH asked him if we could sell the tooth. He said yes. So they got the tooth ready for the sale. Cleaned it a bit using a toothbrush and a damp cloth (please just try to picture this and tell me that I’m not being ridiculous by feeling completely grossed out by it) and put it in one of his shoes. ME? I stayed in bed. This entire thing made me want to VOM!

Son2 went to bed. We went to bed. The tooth mouse (i.e DH) had plans to wait for about 30 or so minutes before going to drop some change. Well, the tooth mouse fell asleep and forgot to go and purchase the tooth.   In fact, the tooth mouse overslept. And so at 6:20am the next morning (i.e. the time when we nearly need to leave!), the tooth mouse (my DH) ran into the room and deposited the coins. Then he took the tooth to the loo to flush it and while he was doing that, Son2 woke up and went straight to look for his tooth. He wasn’t impressed with the money. He made it VERY clear that he wanted his tooth back!

I had to remind him that he agreed to sell his tooth and I then ALSO had to convince him that we could go to the shop to buy whatever he wanted. At this stage I was ready to let him buy WHATEVER and add to it if necessary. I TRULY cannot start my morning with a crying/upset/miserable child.

That evening, on our way home,  we stopped at the PNP. He bought himself a packet of his favourite R5.99 Toppers biscuits.  This morning he showed me that one of the top teeth were loose. It’s not that loose yet, just slightly. He’s working his tooth. Because he wants it OUT so we can go and buy more Toppers Biscuits! I think this is going to be his thing. Toppers Biscuits for a tooth. Maybe we should skip the money and just leave the biscuits there? Biscuits are his most favourite snack in the world!

Seriously.  I don’t remember going through all this drama when Son1 lost his teeth? Is it only my Son2 that is so dramatic about all of this losing his teeth business?

A friend asked me last week  how much our tooth mouse brings. I told her that our tooth mouse brings an amount of money that is equivalent to your age, in other words, if you are 6 years old then you’ll get R6. We introduced this with Son1 which was a good thing because these things can get expensive if you’re not careful! Sometimes the teeth fall out in quick succession OR there’s more than one of them at a time!

Is your tooth mouse richer than ours? And how does one deal with drama queen kids??

Secrets of adulthood #1

You know how Gretchen Rubin has her Secrets of Adulthood?  Here’s a link to her Secrets of Adulthood.

Anyway. I was thinking that I need to have my own set of “notes to self”, so I’ll be blogging them as they come to me.

So. Secret of adulthood #1:

Sometimes the truth can be more “adorned” – Alicia Florrick, The Good Wife.

Do you watch The Good Wife? I have just discovered it and I LOVE it. It’s a legal drama (I always enjoy the legal/political/medical stuff – they have the BEST quotes!) and basically revolves around Alicia Florrick who (for various reasons – just watch it already!) had to go back to work after being a SAHM for 13 or so years.  She’s basically trying to find her identity as a working Mom and she’s often conflicted about her job and the concept of truth – she’s a lawyer  and we all know how THEY can “magic” the truth when they need to.

Anyway. She said this in one episode that I watched:

SOMETIMES THE TRUTH CAN BE MORE “ADORNED”. It stuck with me and made me think.

See, I used to be the person who would just tell it like it is. Depending on WHO you are in my life and the levels of filters between is, I am STILL this person.

I used to be the person who would say things without thinking and hurt people in the process.  

I used to be the person who would feel that I was doing the right thing to be 100% truthful AT ALL TIMES.

I am still 100% truthful. But as an adult, I now know that in every situation,  I MUST use my judgement.  It has taken me YEARS to hone this skill (I am still not perfect at it) and I am proud to say that it’s one of my strengths.

Because I have learned that not everyone can cope with truth.

I have learned that some people simply don’t like it when you tell them the truth without them having asked for it.

I have learned that we need to meet people where they are – sometimes they are not ready for truth.

I have learned that you can still build someone up, even if you “bypass” the truth until they are ready for it.

I have learned that I don’t always have to provide an opinion and that sometimes it is good to NOT have anything to say – depending on the situation, this can be as powerful as using your words.  

I have learned that sometimes it is OK to tell a  “toned-down”, more gentle version of the truth.

And I have learned that there is tremendous power in words, in how you use them, in choosing the right moment to use them and in being kind when you use them.  I believe that your words need to speak love and life, and that diplomacy and kindness is NEVER overrated.

How about you? Are you someone who says it like it is ALL THE TIME? Do you exercise judgement? Are you careful with HOW you use your words? Do you believe that sometimes the truth can be more “adorned”?


Son1 had a birthday recently

He turned 14.

I must say that it affected me a bit. I can’t really put my feelings into words without sounding completely ridiculous.  I am also having a fair amount of vulnerability issues which doesn’t help matters at all.

On the one hand I am enjoying him more than I have ever enjoyed him, and on the other hand he is driving me completely and utterly NUTS! I suppose that’s the story of all relationships, yes? Anyway. He’s postponed his birthday party. It’s happening in December during the last week of school. We still need to finalise the details but it will either be a swimming party like last year OR a surfing party – I checked and there are some cool party packages at the Surf Schools in Muizenberg that include a lesson and a wet suit and the use of a board and hot showers. No food included, but this is no big deal. They can just get fish & chips or something afterwards.  Is it just me or are boy parties like the easiest thing EVER??

On Tuesday evening they had their  Science Expo at school. We’ve been putting in A LOT of hours these past few days to get this thing sorted.  I took a step back, even though it was REALLY hard for me. HE is just NOT as perfectionist as I am when it comes to presentation of work.  I am working hard at accepting him 100% for who he is. His work (as far as I’m concerned) looked fairly untidy, but I do realise that my standards are sometimes impossibly high and I am trying to relax them a bit.  It was his own attempt though and his very best – I am proud of his effort, even though his approach was/is generally VERY different to mine. And oh my goodness. I watched him from a distance, engaging with people walking past his display. Answering their questions. Talking animatedly and excitedly about his process and his findings.  He didn’t even consult his notes!  He is SUCH a natural and I was VERY  proud of him. What was the last thing that your child did that made you SUPER PROUD??

Son1 is having a lot of fun at school which does actually make me very happy.  I was thinking about Grade 10 and subject choices this past week. I know, right? This is one of the reasons that I am contemplating the shutting down of this blog. I have a kid who is nearly choosing subjects! Most people in the blogosphere are worried about their children’s bowel movements and how much (or how little) sleep they are getting.  I just can’t relate anymore and in all fairness, I can’t expect anyone to relate to me. Anyway. I decided that he can do whatever subjects he feels like doing.  School is hard enough and we may as well do subjects that interest us, yes? My only condition is that Maths is not negotiable. I feel comfortable with this. I am also phoning around and googling some kind of vocational testing for him – I hope to repeat this annually throughout high school.

He had his first shave over the weekend. Our agreement is that if I EVER need to tell him to shave, then THAT will be the day that I take him for a wax. He was sooooo excited.  I took him along to buy what he needed and his Dad helped him. I wanted to photograph it.  My DH said NO, because not EVERY SINGLE THING needs documenting. Sometimes the memory in your mind needs to be enough. It was a private moment between a Dad and his Son. And it was a bittersweet one for me. He came to show me when he was done and was thrilled! No cuts or anything. I just couldn’t stop staring at him and I had flashbacks of when I first met and fell deeply and madly in love with him. Sjoe. We have come SUCH A long way  and I kind of feel like we grew up together.

So yes. LOTS going on in his life. And deep down I am kind of enjoying this journey with him. Of course it’s a fairly challenging journey. I am forced to change. I am forced to parent differently.  There is more coaching and A LOT of letting go. A lot of fret. A fair amount of anxiety. But. So far, we are coping.  Seriously. If you think that Junior School is hard, then wait until your kids get to High School. And if you think that the sleepless nights and tantrums and body fluids are terrible to deal with, then wait until you hit the teenage years. It’s like NOTHING you have ever experienced before and there is just no preparation. Except your own experiences as a teenager.

So. How are you?  What are you HATING about parenting right now?  


Thank you for the music

I often wonder which actress could play the movie of my life – there are a few who would do it justice.

I also wonder if it would be weird to have a white actress play in the movie of my life. Then I think that it would probably not be a train smash.  When I ask people who they think should play me then they always say Halle Berry or Kerry Washington.  No one has ever suggested that I commission Charlize or Meryl or the other Julia.I suppose no one else thinks that there can be a white Julia! 

After a lot of thought about this, I decided that the movie of my life would be played by Sophie Okonedo.

Not sure if you know her – she’s the actress in Skin and Hotel Rwanda and she’s also in The Secret Life of Bees.

I think she’s BEAUTIFUL and VERY talented. I LOVE her big hair and I  definitely think that she would do the role justice.

I like that she’s not as in-your-face as the Halle Berrys and the Kerry Washingtons. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of her in the People Magazine and she’s not on the red carpet every 5 minutes. Nothing is really known about her. THIS is the kind of celebrity that I like. The one who just does her job to entertain, keeps her clothes on when she’s in public  and keeps her private life private.

So now that we have that out of the way I need to think about a plot for the movie about my life. Again, after considerable thought, I came to this conclusion:

A movie about me would overwhelm anyone. I am intense and all over the place at times. I am happy and sad at the same time. I am a good Mommy and yet I can be quite nasty and selfish. I am a feeler and yet there are times when I am clinical. I am organised and disorganised. I think big picture and yet I don’t have the current picture under control.

Gosh, can you imagine all these emotions in ONE movie? I have no doubt that Sophie can pull it off but I do think that Sophie would do A LOT better if we had a Julia series as opposed to a Julia movie.

Maybe we could take each aspect of my life (growing up, men, motherhood, special needs, marriage, knitting, swimming in the ocean or whatever) and turn that into a movie? Like a few movies as opposed to one?

Not sure what we could call it. If it was ONE movie then we could call it something like “Thank You for the Music”. Because I ADORE that song and I do consider every single aspect of my life as a bit of a song and dance. Sometimes it’s a happy song, sometimes it’s not.

However, if it’s a series or a series of films then each one (or rather each chapter) would have a name.

So. Which actress would play your movie? What do you think your movie would be called?