Life is life. Na na, nana na – Opus

Sjoe. It’s been a while, yes?

I have been a bit on the busy side. So busy that I haven’t really been reading blogs or commenting. In fact, I’ve hardly been online.  I even have unanswered emails – soooooo unlike me. I did a bit of a catch up today though and I feel a bit better.

My NBL put me on a new account at work (just for this month) which has been super interesting. I LOVE learning new stuff and it’s kept me very busy, which is lovely. I needed to be challenged – she could see that I was bored and ready to stick some pens in my eyes. Let’s see what happens next month.

My home life has been busy too. My husband has been working late and so I’ve been a Single Married Mom, very busy with ridiculous projects with Child1 and helping him to study – his entire exam takes place within one week starting on 27 May. I’ve also been trying to prepare him for tomorrow when the new teacher starts. And I’ve been trying to (unsuccessfully) prepare Child2 for the next two weeks.. He’s going to this school that I don’t want him to go to for some observation. I don’t think he’s understanding that life is going to be a bit different for the next two weeks. HE does not appear to grasp this.  AT ALL. So, fun times ahead in this house.

People around me are having lots of problems too. Some friends. Some family. I don’t get involved but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t affect me. I am a feeler after all. Terrible, but true.

And between all of this I have been catching up on sleep, on reading,  and watching House. I LOVE House. Do you watch House? I think he’s really cool but I would NOT be able to cope with him as my Dr.

Anyway. That’s where I’m at right now. I spent the day nursing Child2 because he’s not hundreds. There’s this cough and fever thing that he has going. Can’t have him getting sick now. I think he’s getting better because he just screamed at Child1 (who is being himself and trying to nurture his sick brother) to leave him alone to watch his Barney and go and tidy up the bedroom! I tried to keep a straight face but I couldn’t.

I hope that you are well. And I hope that you will have a fantastic week.

Bags and lunches and clothing are all sorted for tomorrow and so it’s all systems go.  Am going to test Child1 quickly and then I’m off to bed with my book.

How was your weekend? What’s happening in your life?

 

What would you do?

SO I logged into twitter this morning (as you do while waiting in a bit of traffic) and I saw the headlines that Angelina Jolie had undergone a double mastectomy in order to significantly reduce her chances of breast cancer.

She wrote a beautiful, eloquent piece in the NY Times (you can read it here) where she explains how and why she made the decision that she did. I think she’s very, very brave.

I actually learnt a lot about Breast Cancer today. One can have yourself tested for a particular gene mutation (it’s called  BRCA1) that will determine your chances of breast cancer. Ms Jolie has breast cancer in her genetics and based on her test result, she had an 87% chance of getting it. After watching her Mom die from this disease she did a lot of thinking and came to her decision, a decision which has now reduced her chances of getting breast cancer to 5%. If anything, her decision to be open about it has done wonders to raise awareness for breast cancer and for taking preventative measures.

What struck the me most were the reasons for her decision. Of course she did it for herself and for her partner but her main reason? Motherhood.

She does not want her children to have to go through losing her to cancer and she would (obviously) like to be healthy for as long as possible for them.

I wondered today if I would be able to do the same thing. And then I realised that I ABSOLUTELY would do the same thing if I needed to.

Of course I want to be as healthy as possible for a long, long time. And of course I want to be alive for as long as possible. Not just for me but for my kids. Motherhood does not always treat me well and more often than not, I simply don’t like it. But I DO love and enjoy my kids very much.  For a chance to have more time with them I would ABSOLUTELY NOT  hesitate to do something as drastic as she’s done. I would amputate a limb if I needed  to, I would remove body parts if I needed to and I would even wear a poo bag (well hopefully it will never be necessary). Just for the chance to have more time with them.

Because, honestly? They are my entire world. And I would never want them to see me die a slow, painful death that can possibly be prevented.

How about you? Would you do something radical (medically speaking) to have more time with your kids? Are you all about fate and destiny, even if it means preventing a premature death?

A few things

Birthday Parties:

These are getting easier for Child2. Or maybe I am just being clever and more intentional about the type of events that I RSVP for. I find that Child2 copes better with outdoor events than indoor events,  so I suspect we are not going to be going to any parties during the winter months. It’s just easier for both of us that way. The party that I took him to this past weekend was at a stunning outdoor venue and he had a REALLY good time. Maybe because of all the open space, maybe because he adores the birthday girl (I have been hearing about her every single day for about 6 months!), maybe he’s just growing up. I had a good time too and  I actually socialised with the other Mommies which I am usually loathe to do. I have to say though that it makes life soooooo much easier when we know exactly what the issues are and what to expect/avoid etc. 

Mothers Day:

Was cool. My kids were divine and sooooo excited to treat me.  They forget that this is nothing new – they make breakfast for me (with their Dad) every single weekend!  But because it was Mothers Day, it somehow added an element of excitement.  Lunch was with my parents – we cooked for my Mother. I then came home to take a glorious nap while my Boyfriend took the kids to MIL. My Boyfriend got it just right with the gifts btw. I now have 3 more Deon Meyer novels on my kindle all waiting to be devoured.  I am officially a Deon Meyer groupie so this was the best present EVER.  How was your Mother’s Day?

MIL: 

She’s getting healthier and is looking really well.  She appears to be taking her health quite seriously and so we are slowly exhaling. It seems like things are settling down with her. Long may it last.

Petrol: 

The vehicle that I’m using requires an engine overhaul. I’m not complaining because it’s still WAY WAY cheaper than buying a new car. This (engine overhaul) will happen soon enough – or rather as soon as I can come up with an alternative transport arrangement – at this stage it looks like I’m going to have to hire a vehicle. Anyway. While this hasn’t happened yet, I am needing put in A LOT more petrol.  Financially this is killing me sooooo dead! Am I allowed to ask what you spend every month on petrol?  Last month I spent a cool R3k. That is WAY too much – my kids schools and my workplace are in the same area, approximately 10km from our home and we haven’t been driving a lot over the weekends. Sjoe. My nerves can no longer handle the money stuff and all the surprise elements that are part and parcel of it all!

Clothing: 

I seem to not have anything to wear these days. I have become one of those women who stand in front of my cupboard and say “I have nothing to wear” and I have to say that it is incredibly frustrating. I have loads of boots but no clothing. How is something like this even possible? I did a clothing declutter last year but I didn’t get rid of any winter clothing. How does ones clothing just disappear? Do you have that fairy coming into your cupboard too?

Twitter:

Twitter is draining me and so I’ve hardly been on. So much cattiness. So much of sub-tweeting, so much of aggression. Gosh. Life must be really hard if people are waking up so very angry? Btw…I have never sent a sub-tweet in my life. I am more likely to tell someone directly if they are annoying me. It can be done. Really. And what is the deal with calling someone else STUPID if their opinion differs to yours? Oy.  I used to be a bit of a spelling/grammar nazi in my past.  Well, I wasn’t obvious about it – you would NEVER have found me calling someone out on it so publicly. Then my context changed. I had kids who struggled with many, many things – things beyond their control and things that we had to pay a therapist to fix.  And I realised that many people (even adults) are dyslexic and have various things that they struggle with too.  Also, a number of people don’t tweet/fb etc in their first language.  So, my advice would be to get over it. People are going to make grammar/spelling errors. Smile and wave, or even better, just move on already!

 

Enough of that now. How are you? How was your Monday?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friendship Friday: Friendship and Motherhood

In the spirit of Mothers Day weekend I thought I would write about Motherhood and Friendship.

If you have kids, you will know that Motherhood changes every single aspect of your life and one of the biggest changes comes in the area of friendships.  I have found that there is a period of adjustment within friendships after you have a baby. I have also found that those who WANT to be in your life WILL be in your life. Kids or not. They will wait for you to be ready and if you are taking too long to be ready then they will just pitch up and tell you that it’s time.

Motherhood has done good and bad things for my friendships.

Motherhood made me feel isolated and lonely when I first had Child1. I was a young Mom and knew no one my age who had kids. All these other Moms at the PTA were much older, somewhat intimidating and VERY together. Or perhaps that was just my perception at the time. Point is. I had ZERO friends when I first had a child.

Motherhood lost me a few friends which often happens when people are in different life stages. I had a kid. Everyone was partying and soooo not interested in my childs bowel movements. Quite honestly, I do not blame them, even though it really upset my world while it was happening.

Motherhood was a big help when I needed to make new friends because it’s an AWESOME thing to have in common with someone else.  So yes, it helped me to make new friends. Specifically with other Mothers. And ESPECIALLY online. I have more Mommy friends online than IRL. I am not sure if that’s even OK but it does make me VERY happy.

Motherhood occasionally made me feel inadequate within my friendships.  Especially with my friends who have “normal” kids. Especially with the whole “different kids” thing. And it made me feel judged by others who I thought were my friends. Because I’m not exactly sheep-like, I don’t read books, I rely on instinct more than anything and I really have no issues with my kids playing with my make-up.

More than anything though, Motherhood has shown me who my real friends are. It has brought the most amazing friends into my life. Friends who affirm me. Friends who just get it. Friends who will come and fetch me so I can have a break from my kids. Friends who will google things about my kids that I am too afraid to google. Friends who (despite being childless) actually WANT to come over when my DH is away DURING THE SUICIDE HOUR to help me out, and to stand ready with a glass of wine when the kids are in bed. Friends who don’t judge me when I say that Motherhood is just not all that (for me). Friends who are just there at the drop of a hat. Friends who love me truly, madly, deeply. Friends who LOVE my kids. Friends who just GET my kids. Friends who are prepared to try to understand my life with my particular kids.

I have WAY more friends (real friends) now than I have ever had in my life and I believe that I have Motherhood (among other things) to thank for that.

What has Motherhood done for your friendships?

Have the effects of Motherhood had negative or positive effects on your friendships?

Do you have more friends now that you are a Mom?

And if you are not a Mom, how does it affect your friendship when one of your friends have kids?

 

 

 

Food or service?

A couple of weeks ago I went on a knitting date with my friend.

We went to a place that many people rave about. It’s a lovely place in a gorgeous setting – it has beautiful views, overlooks the ocean and has glorious natural sunlight coming into the venue. One can actually smell the sea air in the place.

Anyway. We got really bad service at this place that everyone just absolutely loves. Doesn’t it just annoy you when everyone and his dog raves about something and then you find it overrated?

Let’s just say that there was no tip for the waiter because quite frankly, I would still be waiting for him if I didn’t actually get up and ask him to come on over to our table approximately 4 (yes, that’s FOUR) times while we were there.

The food was very nice – I don’t expect anything less with those prices. But the service was the worst I have experienced in a very, VERY long time. I know that I will never go there again.

So I was chatting to Friend E about this other day. He had previously raved about this place as well. I told him that I thought the place was rubbish even though both the setting and the food were fabulous.

He told me that he didn’t get such hot service there either – all 5 times that he’d previously been there. But that the food was DIVINE. And that it was the food that made him go back there and NOT the service.

Well. I am different.  Of course I do mind if the food is poor. I really don’t like paying for rubbish food in a restaurant. However, I can send it back until they get it right. I guess I am saying that it’s not the food that will keep me away – unless it is SERIOUSLY old and disgusting or still alive or something. I am more likely to avoid a place due to poor service than due to food that is not that awesome but generally OK.

if the service is brilliant and out of this world, then I will actually go back and give the establishment another chance, despite the fact that the food is not that hot.

Ultimately, the level of service that I receive will determine whether I go back to a place or not and the level of service is what will determine where I take my business.  For me, poor service is the bigger deal breaker than not-so-awesome food.

How about you? What would you consider to be more of a deal breaker?  

Bad food or poor service?

It’s official. I have leadership (and police) envy

So as you all know, there were some bombings in Boston a few weeks ago.

I purposefully didn’t hang out on Twitter during that period because I knew that the overload of information would overwhelm me. I kept up by reading snippets of updates here and there and this worked really well for my mental health.

During times of tragedy I am usually fascinated by the people dynamics.  How strangers come together to help one another, how volunteers just come from nowhere and say “I am here to help in whichever way you need – use me”.

I loved reading about how people turned their homes into makeshift surgeries.  I loved reading about how a Dr who had just finished her race just jumped in and started to treat the victims. I loved reading about how strangers jumped in to help with wound management, using blankets and their t-shirts to stop bleeding.

At the core of it, I guess I am a sucker for stories that show the how people rise up despite adversity.  How people just jump in and help.  Stories that show only love and compassion in the details.  Stories that say “ we’ve got this”.

Sometimes it takes absolute devastation and pure ugliness for us to see how AWESOME humans really are. Sad but true.

Anyway.

I listened to Obama speak to the American people a few hours after the incident.

It was a short speech and I don’t have the exact text, but he said something to the effect of “we mourn with you, we are angry, we WILL find them, they WILL face the law, DO NOT jump to conclusions”.

I loved what he said and how he addressed the people. He was short, sweet, to-the-point and very, VERY reassuring.  He spoke like someone who had it under control. He spoke like someone who knew EXACTLY what was going on – someone who was in the loop. It felt like I was listening to my Dad speaking taking charge and speaking during a family crisis.

And while I watched him I have to admit that I wondered how Zuma would have reacted and what he would have said if something like that had to happen in South Africa.

Would he have been embarrassing? Would he have giggled? Would he have fumbled over his words? Would he have blamed abc and d? Would he have been “out of the country” the way he usually is when there is a crisis?  A lady in my office is convinced that he would have gone home for some dot dot dot first.

I listened to the eloquent Obama who really is such a brilliant, gifted orator. There is not a single world leader who makes me sit up and actually pay attention the way he does. Who seems to have that gift of the gab.  Who quite literally grabs me and seduces me with words and body language.  Who inspires and motivates and who makes you WANT to do good things to help your country. Who is a proper sales person – because ultimately, that is what the face of a political party is – a sales person.

I guess this is more of a big deal for me because I am a words person.

While I was listening to that address, I felt some very serious leadership envy.  Actually, whenever I listen to him I have severe leadership envy.  It’s because he knows exactly how to use his words. He knows exactly how to engage the people. And he doesn’t even have to dance!  THAT is the kind of leader that I want.

Also, I felt some police envy. Because there were 9000 policemen chasing a 19-year old. They were briefed by their VERY STRONG leadership and they delivered.  They were trusted by the public to DO THEIR JOBS and they delivered.

In all fairness, I have never ever received poor service from SAPS when I was a victim of crime.  However, I know of too many people who DO receive poor service from SAPS when they are vulnerable and at their lowest point because of crimes committed against them.

Seriously people. Nine thousand (9000!) policemen chasing ONE puny little punk.  Can you imagine our South African Police Services coming to the party like that? Can you actually imagine a crime-free existence because of a police force like that? An existence on the Cape Flats without any gangs/drugs because of the fact that the police are not just invited to the party but actually PITCH up and are READY TO PARTY?

I know that I shouldn’t compare. We are a different country with a different dynamic.  We have a different history, we have different problems. But I can’t help it.

I have some serious leadership envy. And police envy.  Because as horrible as the Boston bombings were, all that they have done is to highlight our shortcomings wrt leadership and police. Here’s a really cool piece that I bookmarked a few weeks ago. It says all of this soooo much better.

Do you often look at other countries and how flawlessly some of their basic services are run and say “I wish?” 

How do you think our president would have reacted if (God forbid) something similar had happened here?

 

So last week I was THAT parent

Child2 got a party invite about 2 weeks ago.

I made a mental note of the date, time and venue and put the invitation in a safe place. I discussed it with my DH and we decided that we would all go to the party as the venue has a coffee shop attached. So basically, Child2 along with one of us would be at the party and Child 1 along with one of us would hang out in the coffee shop. My DH and I had plans to take turns with each kid.

After we made our decision (in the same week that we received the invitation), I decided to RSVP. BUT. I could not remember what I had done with the invitation. I know that I put it in a safe place. But I could not remember WHICH safe place. I don’t know about you but I have PLENTY of safe places because as far as I’m concerned, with kids, one can never have too many of those safe places.

So, for a couple of days I turned my house upside down trying to find this invitation. I cleaned my car in search of the invitation. I searched in ALL the bags that I used that week. I even looked in my purse!  Of course when something like this happens then it’s kind of awesome because you are FORCED to clean up, yes? Well. While it’s happening then it’s not awesome at all – it’s actually HIGHLY annoying and EXTREMELY frustrating.

I decided on Thursday last week that I would speak to Child2’s teacher and get the contact details for the birthday girls Mom so I could call and RSVP.

However, the Mom beat me to this and got my details from the teacher instead. She messaged me to ask if Child2 would be coming to the party.

I was MORTIFIED! I have never needed to be asked to RSVP for a kids party before and I know just how uptight Mommies get about this kind of thing.  I was so, so embarrassed!

Anyway, I explained that I had lost the invite and that I was going to call her as soon as I got her details from the teacher and that yes, we would be coming.

She was really sweet about it and emailed me another invite which I subsequently SAVED on my desktop. That same Thursday  I got my A into G and wrapped the present and everything. Later this week we’ll make a card.

And so we are ready and hoping that Child2 doesn’t go all weird on us at the party. It’s at an outside venue so I think he’ll be OK.

Have you ever been THAT parent? The one who has to be called to RSVP?

And do you have many SAFE PLACES where you put things that still need to be action-ed?