FEARLESS FRIDAY: The fears usually work in shifts

A number of posts floated around the blogosphere a few days ago with the “what’s your biggest fear” title. They were all being written as part of a writers bootcamp series. 

I have many fears and they tend to go on rotation. Or rather, they work shifts – usually based on my frame of mind, on what’s going on in the world and also on how severe my pms is.

Some days when I am extra conscious about my health or when someone around me is sick (especially if they are terminal), then my biggest fear is that I will die before my kids have reached adulthood. Or that I will get very. very sick and that they will remember that I couldn’t do anything for myself. I would NOT be able to cope with them having that as their memory of me.  Someone tweeted the other day that a friend of theirs (in her 20s) got diagnosed with cancer. I had to get off the twitter because it pushed me OVER THE EDGE.

Other days when I feel wholly inadequate by my lack of achievements in the workplace or in my after hours life,  then my biggest fear is not realising my full potential.  This is the current biggest fear – it kicked in this past weekend when I realised (with a shock) that I am 36!  My DH assured me that things came together for him at this age and just got better. Somehow that didn’t make any difference to my fear. It’s still there.

There are days when one of my kids are really battling with something that they (according to the experts and the world and the freaking government ) should have mastered by now. At times like that I fear that I am failing my kids because I can’t afford to pay for ALL THE THERAPY and I can’t afford to quit my job to home school them so we can have the time to work through and develop some mad skills. 

Then there are days when my kids battle socially and I wonder if they will ever have really good friends in their lives. Friends who understand them. Will they cope in relationships? Will they get partners who accept them for who they are? I am FEARFUL of who will come into their lives. This fear plays out A LOT. I screen ALL THE PEOPLE in their lives and of course there are no sleepovers!

There are days when I realise that my parents are getting older and that they are going to die at some point.  On that day, my biggest fear is that there will be things left unsaid.  That there are not enough photographs. Also that there is NO way that I can live without them. They are like my arms or something!

Last week I felt fat and my biggest fear was that I would never ever be thin again and that my kids would remember me as a fat Mama who was always eating healthily and who was too lazy to exercise. Also that they would remember their fat Mama in her swimming costume.  Ugh.

I am a Feeler which means that even the Tsunami in Japan or kids being shelled on a beach in another country will release a HUGE fear and anxiety in my subconscious. What if it happens here? What if my kids struggle to swim? What if we all get separated? What if we all drown? What if there’s a conflict? What if there are bombs and guns?  What if they see things that cause them to go through PTSD?  Do you get the picture? This is why I MUST filter my news.

So yes. Fears are a plenty around here, which is why I am making a conscious effort to live a FEARLESS life. Because being fearful and living my life in a fearful state is just cramping my style already!

Do your fears also go on rotation? Do you need to filter your news? What is your biggest fear RIGHT NOW?

 

Encourager and personal cheerleader needed. Apply within.

I am excellent at encouraging people. I’m not being vain. Really. It’s the truth.

I would say that it’s a gift that I have. It’s one of my FAVOURITE things about myself and it comes absolutely naturally to me. Maybe because one of my primary love languages is Words of Affirmation? I don’t even think about it. It just happens.

People always thank me for being an encouragement to them.

They thank me for helping them to see the glass half-full. Do you have any idea what this means to me? That I being a person who is a natural-born cynic and prone to depression can make someone see a glass half-full? To me it’s nothing short of a miracle and I am always moved to tears when they tell me this.

They thank me for helping them to stay “on the path” and to not give up.

They thank me for helping them to see perspective.

OF course this makes me happy. And of course I LOVE that this is who I am and that there is nothing fake about this part of my personality.  

But having said all this, I battle to encourage myself. I am filled with self-doubt in nearly every area of my life and to be honest, I feel like a bit of a hypocrite. I am encouraging my kids (and friends and family) all the time and reminding them how brilliant and clever and kind and awesome and capable they are and yet, I can’t do it for myself.

I wish that I could have an Encourager. Someone to speak Words of Affirmation to me ALL DAY LONG! Someone to encourage me regularly. I guess I do have one in the form of my Boyfriend. But he’s so busy and pre-occupied and he really can’t maintain the encourager status.

I wish that sometimes people would ask me how I am.  I am an introvert. I don’t easily  let it all out there and I am so good at making everything about others and their issues that  I forget that sometimes it can and needs to be about me too.

My blog readers are also AWESOME at encouraging me.  However, it would be FANTASTIC to have a person in my real life doing this on a regular basis. I basically need my own personal cheerleader. Any idea on how to get this? Maybe I should advertise it on the Gumtree?

How about you? Do you need a lot of encouragement?  Are you able to encourage yourself? Do you have your own personal encourager? If so, who is the person who plays that role in your life? Are you good at encouraging others?

 

Son2

We’ve been struggling a bit with Son2  in the last while.

He’s been whiney and has had a meltdown or three. It’s been exhausting

This past Friday I twigged that it’s holiday! And that the routine in his life is therefore non-existent.

Ugh.  I was soooooo annoyed with myself. Why does this slip my mind EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL HOLIDAY?? I keep forgetting that the routine must stay as far as possible and that during the holidays, even the bedtime routine cannot change.  I mean really, it’s nearly time for school to start again and towards the end of the holiday I remember this very important information.

We’ve been rather busy these past few weekends and like me, he’s all peopled out and needs downtime. He’s currently attending holiday care which is basically a bit of crafting and a whole lot of free play.  There is some form of structure but it’s not what he’s used to and it’s not a predictable structure.

Our mornings have had some semblance of a routine/structure BUT it’s been running a lot later because it’s the holiday and there’s no traffic so therefore we can leave later.

Our evenings have been super relaxed as well – so relaxed that everything has been running a lot later. So, this past Friday evening, despite many, many tears from him,  I brought back the evening routine and made an effort to do the bath and bed time at a decent hour. I set up his weekend so that he didn’t have to leave the house and this past Sunday we had a downtime day where we kind of spent the day under the blankets.  It has made a HUGE difference and he’s been a bit more himself these past few days.

Things are not perfect, but they are better.

I will be continuing with the morning and for the rest of the holiday and I am going to put up a reminder for myself for the next school holiday.

Son2 also has another loose tooth and it would seem that he has a short memory. I thought that this would be easier to manage after the previous loose tooth incident . Alas. It’s just as bad and unfortunately we just have to ride this one out.

How do your kids manage during the holidays? Does the lack of routine or rather, the SUPER relaxed routine mess with them?

 

 

I have found the secret to losing and maintaining weight

…and it’s ALL common sense!

 

  1. STOP BEING GREEDY: I know that this sounds ridiculous or whatever but seriously. STOP BEING GREEDY. I used to be quite a greedy guts. Then one day I was at a party and realised that I actually didn’t need to eat THREE samoosas. ONE was more than enough, thank you! Why was I going up for a second helping when I technically wasn’t hungry? Was I lusting after the taste? Was I eating only because it was there? Why was it bothering me so much? Etc. etc. THESE are the questions that you need to be asking yourself BEFORE going up for another helping.  Also. Something that cured my greediness factor was actually weighing my food. Now I know that some people find this painful but it works wonders for me.  I also know that Ican use the palm of my hand etc but I like to see the numbers and so I stick to this method because it works FOR ME. My kitchen scale has helped me to stop greediness in its tracks. Do you use a kitchen scale? DO invest in one – they are relatively cheap (unless of course you are getting one at the Yuppie Chef of whatever) and you won’t be sorry.
  1. UNDERSTAND YOUR BODY CHEMISTRY AND ADOPT A LIFESTYLE THAT WORKS FOR YOU. Some people do Dukan,  some do South Beach, some do Mediterranean, some do Weigh Less, some do Weight Watchers, some do Dr Cohen, some live a Paleolithic lifestyle, some live a LCHF lifestyle, some people are vegans, some people do a combination of various things. We are all different and our bodies are all wired differently. What works for my body might not work for yours.  For example, I get bloated when I eat dairy, but this doesn’t mean that dairy will bloat you.  Find what works for you and if it’s a lifestyle that you can sustain  (VERY important) then live your lifestyle and OWN IT.  Also. RESPECT other peoples lifestyle choices, whether or not you agree with them.

 

  1. FIND A FAIR BALANCE – ONE THAT WORKS FOR YOU.  I know that the “balance” word is thrown around a lot. Balance means different things to different people and the key is to finding YOUR balance.  Remember, this is a lifestyle change. Not a diet. There are going to be occasions when you can’t eat according to your lifestyle. I usually counter this by not keeping any junk food in the house.  During the week I eat 100% clean, wholesome, beautiful food in moderate-sized portions. That said, on the weekends when I visit people then I will eat what I am offered. When I go to a restaurant I will try to make a good choice.  I rarely order a dessert in a restaurant but if I really feel like having a slice of cake then I’ll have a slice of cake and NOT  feel bad about it. I will own my choice. A lifestyle change doesn’t mean that you stop living.  It does mean that you make the BEST possible choices FOR YOU (based on how it will affect your body)and own it. 
  1. GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BODY AND SHOW IT THE RESPECT THAT IT DESERVES. Understand how your body works. Learn and study and figure out all its behaviours and little nuances. Learn how to read it.  One can only truly listen to your body if you’re in a proper relationship with it. This past year I have LOVED the process of getting into a relationship with my body and it often felt like we (meaning my body and I) were on a first date!  I now know the effects that certain foods have on my body,  I know when I crave other foods and  I know what my triggers are.  I know what to avoid eating if I don’t want my eczema to flare up or if I don’t want to battle with a post nasal drip. I figured this out by keeping a food journal and spotting the trends. I figured it out by truly listening to my body and taking notice of it.  A VERY big part of getting into a relationship with your body means showing it the ultimate respect. When you get to this point you will WANT to nurture it with good, whole foods, you will want to keep it sufficiently hydrated, you will want to give it enough rest, you will want to give it a treat like a massage or whatever now and again. After all, it does EVERYTHING for you and needs ALL your respect and MORE.

 

Next week I will write a post on what I am BATTLING with in my current lifestyle (erm sugar addiction and exercise) but in the meantime, answer this: 

Do you have any common-sense secrets to losing weight and keeping it off?  What does having a relationship with your body mean to you? Can you truly say that you are in a relationship with your body?

 

 

Oh my hat. I am 36!

I had a birthday this past Thursday and my day was just absolutely AMAZING! (I would say “amazeballs” but I think I’m too old for that term!)

The weather was stunning (it was a glorious, sunny day)  and again, I felt like the red carpet had been rolled out especially for me.

My day was filled with lots of intimacy and connection and good food and lovely wines and cake and QT  and laughter and the most BEAUTIFUL words of affirmation. All the people in my inner  circle were present on the day – just the way I like it, I really don’t like big parties.

I spent the day with one of my oldest friends – we had plans to go for brunch and a spot of wine tasting at Durbanville Hills  because I DO love a decent view on my birthday and then at the last minute, we changed our minds and went to Zevenwacht  instead. IT was DIVINE!

In the evening I had dinner with my family (my lovely Mommy cooked ALL my favourites for me) and of course I got SUPER spoilt and felt sooooooo very loved up.

I spent a bit of time this weekend thinking about where I need to be by the time I turn 37 next year!  I didn’t get far with this exercise because I fell asleep – clearly I AM getting old! And then when I woke up from my VERY long nap, I read my book. 

Sjoe. Am nearly in my late 30s. Just for this week,  I am not going to let this bother me.

I have quite a few  “little” parties planned for the rest of the month so will be celebrating some more in the coming weeks!

How do you like to celebrate your birthday? What’s your ideal birthday like? Do you like big parties? Are you all about having a few tiny parties?

I took some lovely pictures and I would put them up. Except that my blog has been behaving like a complete cow this last while and won’t allow me to upload pictures. Have just been too lazy to figure that out but it happened after I attempted to change my gravatar.

How are you? Did you have a good weekend?

Mine was fantastic and included a long, lazy lunch with some of my friends in the computer and an entire Sunday in bed.

My love tank is officially overflowing!

 

A post about going out with two VERY different kids

As you know, my kids have a 7-year age gap between them. This has never really been an issue up to now.

I always knew that it would catch up with us at some point and I figured that we would just deal with it when it came up. Well. It has officially become an issue.

Son1 is a very childish 13-year old. Gosh, I just realised that he turns 14 next month! Sjoe.

He is at that in-between age. He no longer enjoys playing with little kids. Like Laura’s Cameron, he teases and pokes fun and causes chaos and generally annoys his little brother.

He doesn’t particularly enjoy spending huge amounts of time with adults and he can occasionally entertain himself. Also. Everything (according to him) is so boring – I suppose it’s an age appropriate thing.

Going out as a family has become a challenge. We’ve mostly been taking the kids out separately and at the moment this seems to be the only thing that  helps.  However, it feels like more work (it IS more work) and it’s WAY more expensive.

Son2 is starting to enjoy certain things more. He likes outdoor activities like parks and certain markets that are not too crowded. He wants us to go for walks. He wants to ride horses. He wants to see animals and feed them. If we are indoors then he wants to do creative stuff like painting.  He wants us to snuggle under the blankets and draw pictures and read books. He wants us to drink tea and eat biscuits and cuddle.  On a good day he might even take a nap! He is totally a boy after my own heart. Maybe this is also why I spoil him so! He’s a sensory avoider.

Son1 wants to be in a shopping malls.  I don’t know where he gets onto this shopping mall thing because we are NOT shopping mall people! He wants to go to the movies. He wants to go window- shopping. He wants to do gaming things. He wants to do adrenaline-inducing things like Ratanga junction etc.  ALL THE TIME. I don’t know whose genes he has. He is a noise/sensory seeker – he definitely didn’t get that from me.

Point is. There are not really places that cater for both a teenager (one who is still relatively childish) AND a child who both have very different needs.  

So far the only place is The Science Centre. But Son2 is not that fond of it yet – granted we always seem to go when it’s quite full so perhaps I should try again when it’s less crowded. Then there’s also the stables. But that’s not an option in the rain.

Son2 can cope with certain outdoor activities which Son1 finds boring.  The outdoor stuff that Son 1 likes (i.e. adrenaline-rush activities) Son2 can’t cope with.  Son1 told me the other day that I always choose child-friendly places but never teenager-friendly places. Seriously. I don’t even know what is proper teenager-friendly anymore. I was drinking red wine and hanging out with much older men when I was a teenager! 

I basically have 4 options:

  1. Take them out separately so they both get a fair chance at really enjoying themselves. However, as I said, this is both time-consuming and expensive.
  2. Take them out together and the one who doesn’t like it must just suck it up and deal with it. Which means that someone is going to whine which means that eventually we will ALL be miserable.
  3. Keep searching for ideas and figure this out. This is what I’m currently doing and it’s frustrating me a bit.
  4. Leave them at home and go out with DH more.  What I would have spent on them would be pocket money for MIL (she’ll have to babysit) and DH and I get to go out and have fun sans kids!

 Which option would you choose? Is it bad that I am seriously considering option 4 and not even feeling remotely guilty about it???

I have decided that our next rainy day family outing will be to The Clay Cafe. I think they will be fine. Son1 used to do clay play and pottery and LOVED it (I bloody hope he still does love it!) and Son2 is starting to be more OK with creative, messy play.

What do you have planned for your next family outing? Do you plan family outings? I usually do if it’s an activity that needs to be budgeted.  Otherwise we’re fairly spontaneous WITH some planning.

 

Six month into 2014: The A to Z of me.

A –  I am tempted to say Anxiety but that’s old news. Instead A is for Appliances. In the first 2 months of this year I replaced a washing machine, a stove, a microwave, a kettle and I got GIFTED a new fridge. All my stuff just died on me. Also. We paid for our car engine to be overhauled. Now that I think about it, being broke has been worth it. Kind of. At least we got NEW stuff and we can see where our money went. Also. I made no debt for any of these things. THAT makes me feel Like. A. Boss.

B – Baby.  Not mine. My brothers daughter was born in March. She is DELICIOUS and looks exactly like me but I’m not allowed to say that in front of my brother! I happen to be her favourite person besides her Mama. I am kind of seeing her as the   daughter that I never had and I now actually go and look at girl clothing in the shops! You miss out on this when you only have boys.

C – Crochet. I am doing it! And it’s actually going OK. I can now do two stitches. And I can make chains. So far, only plain squares and nothing fancy.

D –  Debt. Still there. Moving too slowly (happens if you pay cash for new stuff) but I am simply not in a position to make it go away faster.

E – Education is on my mind all the time. Mine and Son1′s.  I am doing A LOT of research for home school at the moment. I am also constantly researching apps and things that can help both my kids. Things have changed since I left school. A LOT.

F – Friends. I have had LOADS of good friend dates during the first half of this year.  Only one in May and only one in June but at least 3 per month in the other months. Also under F = FEARLESS. Sjoe. I knew that consciously living a FEARLESS life would be hard. I just didn’t know that some days I would be taking it one hour at a time.

G – Gospel Music. I have listened more to this genre of music in the past 6 months than in my entire life. I am LOVING it and nowadays I am listening to both a secular and a non-secular album at the same time.

H – Health. I am feeling good, largely because I eat clean, unprocessed food. I’ve had no chest infections for an entire year and my Dr recently told me to stop using asthma meds. So I stopped. I do still keep the back-up pump in my bag. Just in case.  Even though I have been eating really healthily, my LDL and HDL cholesterol levels remain unchanged.  I put  myself back on the statins until I figure this out. Lots of research coming up.

I – Instagram. Officially takes up MOST of my phone data. Not FB. Not even Twitter.

J – Juggle. It feels like I have been doing this ALL THE TIME these past few months.  Kids. Work. Husband. Family. Inlaws. Friends. Money. Stress. School. I do actually long for a life where I can sit on my couch and read ALL DAY LONG.

K – Kisses. I am no longer allowed to kiss Son1 under ANY circumstances. I am kind of gutted at the rejection.

L – Let’s Get Crafty. Still happening every month and I LOVE going. Sometimes I knit two rows for the entire night because I’m too busy engaging socially. This is good, yes?

M – Money. No words. I am starting to wonder if it is meant for me. Seems like it’s just one struggle after another.

N –  NO. I have become sooooo good at saying this word. Am rather proud of myself!

O- Opportunities. There were two really good ones. Both times I got disappointed by the people who promised them to me.  I’ve become jaded and I think I kind of lost interest after that. But. I’m pulling myself towards myself now.

P-  Pubescent teenager. In my home at the moment. I am kind of struggling with this. A lot. I should blog.

Q – Queen Mommy. Son2 has started calling me this. I LOVE it!

R- Restaurants. I have been friend dating a lot and somehow have ended up trying 6 new (DIVINE) places these past 6 months. Maybe I should do little write ups about them? I will see.

S- Swimming. This seems to be the only form of exercise that I LOVE LOVE LOVE with my entire being. Besides yoga and running.  The only issue is my hair.  I have done A LOT of swimming these past few months and I officially need a new house with a pool.  Am also doing Surfing in August and I can’t wait!

T- Twitter. I am hardly on it. Which makes me a happier person. There’s just too much noise in that room.

U –  Uninspired. Exactly how I’ve been feeling for the last while. I get to this point when I am too overwhelmed. I need at least an entire weekend of quiet time to get my head together.  I can’t quite figure out how to pull this off.

V- Variety. My DH and I have been doing some really cool date things. I should blog about this some more. None of the standard lunch/movie stuff anymore. I love it!

W –  Weight. I am 14kg down. My weight loss has stagnated in the last while. I have not lost any weight recently but the good news is that I am not gaining any either.  It’s time for Weigh Less Step 1 detox. I’ll do that after my birthday.

X – eXpectations. Mine are high. This is occasionally a problem so I’ve learned to have high expectations ONLY if I have some form of control over the situation. This issue came up a lot in the past few months.

Y- YES. I have been saying YES to some things. Things that I wouldn’t normally say YES to. It’s been interesting.

Z-  zzzz. I have been trying to catch up on A LOT of sleep.  I am sooooo tired.

 How are you today? Pick a letter and share in the comments one thing that defines your first six months.

 

2014: The first 6 months

These past 6 months haven’t been too easy and June was a complete fiasco. Even my words disappeared on me for a bit. There was a fair amount of anxiety and fear and worry, and living FEARLESSLY has quite literally taken on a new life for me. Some days I am literally living FEARLESSLY one hour at a time and it honestly feels like I spent the past 6 months in survival mode.

And so, a very brief summary on the main role players during the first 6 months.

Son1 & High School:
If you think that Junior School is bad and way too much work then you ain’t seen nothing yet. High School is a VERY different ball game. If you have a kid with ADHD then it’s even worse. High School has taken up most of my time and energy these past few months and I’m exhausted. We both battled these past few months but we are slowly (VERY slowly) finding what works and what is quite simply a bad idea. It’s all about trial and error really and what makes is a lot worse is that there is (in my experience) no feeling of partnership and working together between parent and teacher. They actually keep you at arm’s length. The idea of going through this for another 4.5 years makes me EXTREMELY anxious and I am very seriously considering the homeschooling option for him. In my wildest dreams I NEVER thought that I would consider home schooling. Never say never, yes?

Son2 & Junior School:
We had a VERY rough start. Son2 cried A LOT at the beginning of the year and this only stopped as soon as I asked the school for transitioning help. Once he got settled things were FANTASTIC. I have to say that Son2 is doing really well at the moment. He knows what he wants and is NOT afraid to challenge the status quo. He spends time daily with his tutor (she takes him through the barriers) and his teachers have been FANTASTIC. HE still has weekly Speech and Occupational Therapy and it is making SUCH a difference in his life. After I decided that we weren’t going to sign him up for any extra-murals he went and volunteered himself for Soccer Starz and LOVES it. He even wants to ride horses which kind of shocked me because I thought that they would freak him out. I am currently scouting for reasonably priced lessons for him. He has DEFINITELY turned a corner and let me tell you this: It is sooooo divine to see progress and to see my son change right in front of me after waiting for this for such a long, long time. I am really enjoying him. A LOT. I admit that I spoil him too much and that I need to work harder at this but for the first time in YEARS I am feeling hopeful again.

Special Needs School:
We got a call on the last day of the first term to tell us that there was a place for him and that he could start at the beginning of the 2nd term. After being OK for the 2nd half of 2013 to send Son2 there, I wasn’t feeling so OK with it anymore when I got the call. Maybe because I was seeing so much progress at that moment? After some tears and a lot of prayer and consultation with his entire team, we elected to leave him where he is for AT LEAST another year before re-assessing. It really doesn’t help that I see soooooo much more on the horizon for him. I wish that I could just accept him 100% for who he is without feeling the need to see how far exactly he will go if I push just a little bit more.

Family:
There’s been a fair amount of stuff in these past few months with both my in-laws and my own family. My DH and I have taken A LOT of strain and I hope and pray that the 2nd half of 2014 will be less eventful.

DH:
Has been working A LOT but is the happiest that he has ever been which I suppose makes it worth it. I have accepted that he’s a workaholic – am done getting annoyed with it.

Me:
Oh my hat. We need at least 3 posts to talk about me. I’ll do a summary tomorrow.

Money:
Pfffft. No comment except to say that it’s a constant issue of one step forward and two steps back. Enough said. I am trying really hard to NOT lose hope and write this whole thing off as a bad joke. I have realised that nearly 90% of my fears stem from this area of my life. I really want to blog about this some more but I can’t because everything about it just makes me feel sooooo inadequate.

Work:
Our boss is leaving and we are praising the Good Lord and thanking Him for blessing her with something better. Enough said.

Tomorrow I’ll do a ME ME ME in six months kind of post. Don’t hold your breath or anything – it’s really not very exciting.

How are you doing? And how did your family do in the first 6 months of this year? Has there been good progress?

A post about kids and sleepovers

My teenage boy (*Son1) has his FIRST official sleepover tonight. He has slept out before but only at my parents or at my MIL. This usually happens when DH and I have a date that will go on late into the night.  He has never slept out anywhere else.

I know that it might be a shock to some people that I’m only allowing him to sleep out with friends at this late age.

Truth is, I don’t particularly care for sleepovers. There’s no scientific or psychological reason for my feelings.  As a Mom,  I just don’t feel OK about them and I am VERY OK about not feeling OK with them. I am ALSO fine for other parents to be OK with it and I’m not judging if it’s something that they are OK with. I am ALL about each to his own and all that jazz. I know that it would probably be good for him for some or other kind of growth to sleep over at a friend’s place but as far I’m concerned, we can find other ways for him to grow emotionally and independently or whatever.

Growing up, I didn’t care for sleepovers. I think it may have been the introvert in me AND I just really liked sleeping in my own room in my own bed. I enjoyed the freedom of my own space – I still do.  I DO know that my parents would not easily have allowed me to sleep over IF they didn’t know the parents of the friend where I was going to sleep over. I vaguely remember my sister attending the occasional sleepover – I should ask her if I’m correct in what I think I remember.  I really don’t know if my brothers attended sleepovers. IF it was something that happened, then it was a rare thing.  My DH says he never ever slept out – it was too lekker at home with and it was something that he had no real desire for as a kid.

Son1 recently asked me when he would be allowed to attend a sleepover. I asked him WHERE exactly he wanted to go and sleepover. HE told me that he would like to sleep over at friends places etc.

So I told him that sleepovers are unnecessary and that he has his own bed so can sleep at home. Then he asked me if he could have his friends sleep over at our house. I then told him that this was also unnecessary and that they also had their own homes to sleep at. I told him that I was more than happy to fetch and drop at friend dates or at the movies or whatever (they don’t call it play dates at this age!) but that everyone WILL sleep at their own homes.

To his credit, he didn’t challenge me on it. Which tells me that it’s not that important to him – he would have challenged me if he REALLY wanted to sleep out.

Anyways.  I told my friend this story and she then offered for him to sleep over at her place – she has twin boys his age who he enjoys hanging out with. She came to fetch him a few hours ago  – they all went out for the burger special this evening (Marcia we still have it in CT – I don’t know if it’s at all the Spurs though) and tomorrow she’ll take them to the movies because it’s Tuesday and half price. I DID insist that she medicate him because he can be quite loud and excitable and I WOULD actually like her to invite him back one day.

Naturally he was besides himself with excitement ALL WEEKEND LONG. I am only allowing this because it’s my friend (she’s a long-term friend) and I know how she parents. I also know her sons. They are typically boisterous boys but sweet and VERY well-mannered.  

I am not sure if Son1 is missing out on life or whatever because his Mom won’t allow sleepovers. If he is, then so be it. He can discuss that with his therapist.  

Are you comfortable with your kids sleeping out?  Do you only allow it under certain circumstances or with certain kids who have a certain type of parent? Do you think my Son1 is missing out on life because I’m too strict about this? How old do you think is old enough for sleepovers? 

*Child1 & Child2 needs to go (am just not feeling those aliases anymore) and will from now on be Son1 and Son2.

 

Fearless Friday: Being fearless when there is uncertainty

There’s a fair amount of uncertainty in my life at the moment.

I won’t lie. I am BATTLING to be FEARLESS.

The anxiety monster is trying to get in. Also the overwhelm monster. Also the “what-if” monster. Also the “depression” monster. These monsters are kind of sneaky and when you least expect it then they are in your face one morning when you wake up.  These monsters are basically opponents to the big guy called FEARLESS.

I am not really a fan of not knowing what comes next. It’s why I am not a risk-taker. It’s why I can’t work in jobs where my salary is commission-based. It’s the reason why boring and normal and predictable (even though I don’t mind the occasional spontaneity) really appeals to me.

However, such is life. There will always be some form of uncertainty. Things are going to go pear-shaped. Nothing is finite.  Nothing perfect (and predictable) lasts forever.

And so, I need to learn to be FEARLESS in the face of uncertainty. I need to TRUST that all will be well. And right now, in my world, that is just so much easier said than done.  I’m trying to distract myself. With yarn and needles. With music that I bury my soul into. With words that don’t get published here. With people and mindless chatter. I do pray. So far that’s the one thing that’s keeping my sanity in check. Prayer and happy pills. Best combination EVER.

All the other things (besides the prayer and pills) are short-term solutions. Which means that I will need to find a way to deal with the fear of uncertainty in a constructive way. I’m still trying to figure this out.

Are you someone who is FEARLESS in the face of uncertainty? What is your way of coping in the face of uncertainty?