Friendship Friday: Friends and (jumping) dogs

So you all know that I am not really a dog person. I don’t hate them. I just don’t love them that much. I am not an animal person. Period.

I don’t easily visit people who have dogs unless I know that the dogs are really well-behaved. I understand that dogs are playful and might come up to me to say “hello”, so when I say well-behaved I mean that they won’t jump on me or drool on me or go for my crotch or bite my ankles or whatever.

Now one of my very best friends has a dog. Actually he now has two dogs.

Dog 2 is LOVELY.  He’s had her for about 3 months and she’s very sweet and extremely  well behaved for a puppy.  I make a point of acknowledging her when I visit because she is just sooooo sweet. She doesn’t jump on me when I walk into the house or bite my ankles or anything like that. She’s a proper lady and I actually really like her. A LOT. Enough to babysit her if I need to – not that I would offer my services or anything. If my friend is in a fix then I will watch the puppy for a few hours. That’s all.  It is THIS type of puppy that can turn ANY non-dog person (like me) into a proper  dog person.

Dog1 is the problem. He is big. And boisterous. And he jumps on me when I enter the house. When my friend serves me tea or wine then he tries to drink it i.e. lick it out of the cup/glass. He even eats my biscuit off the side plate at that moment when I’m not looking!

I love my friend and enjoy spending time with him and we often friend date by taking the dogs for a walk and having coffee in the park while the dogs run around. Btw this is an AWESOME way to friend date. Fresh air, minimal cost and LOTS of talking. Only thing missing is me taking pics of the sights and playful animals. But, that will come in time.

Dog1 really irritates me.  He sits on the back seat and will lick (and drool on) my bare shoulder  or my neck! – it takes an incredible amount of  self-control for me not to react to this – I have to Ujayi breathe my way through it otherwise I really won’t be able to cope.  When I have something in my hand (even a magazine!) then Dog1 will try to GET it away from me. Like with his mouth.  Yes, he actually wants to bite stuff out of my hand. I don’t know WHAT would make him think that I’m playing that kind of game with him.

He even goes for my crotch! And when I am sitting and doing nothing then he wants to continue to jump on me! I then tell my friend to PLEASE tell his dog to EFF OFF! (I honestly don’t have a nicer way of saying it, because by the time I get to this point then I am slowly losing it and crossing over!) and he calls the dog but then doesn’t follow through with it. I am really stepping out of my comfort zone and putting up with A LOT here.

My friend told me to acknowledge the dog when I visit because maybe this was all that this was about. Maybe the dog has an affirmation thing (Seriously people. My friend even says that the dog has a love language. Do you see why I am losing it?) and if I acknowledge him then he will leave me alone.  I really do try.  I look at the dog and say: ….”hello (insert dog’s name)”. My friend then said that I must also touch the dog when I greet him.  I even do this despite the fact that I don’t touch animals!

I told my friend that I’m not going to be visiting him until this dog stops jumping on me. My friend thinks that I am being very unreasonable because according to the Behavioural Dog Expert Drs, Dog 1 is still learning to integrate.

Hello! Dog 1 is 15  months old already and sees a lot of people – he is DEFINITELY not sheltered (i.e. staying in the house all day) and my friend is VERY good with seeing that he gets walked and exercised.

My friend says that that I am one of the few visitors that he gets and that Dog 1 doesn’t behave like that with anyone else (except him) which to him is a sign that Dog 1 apparently LOVES me and is very comfortable with me. I’m REALLY not convinced.

My friend told me that I should actually turn my body around when the Dog1 does the jumping thing so that he can know that it’s unacceptable. I asked him whether he had tried to do this. He said no. So I told him that he needed to practice the turning around thing with Dog 1 so that the dog could understand it and then, in two weeks I would visit him and assess if I would EVER be going to his house again.

OBVIOUSLY my friend thinks that I am being sooooo unreasonable. He even compared the dog with my kids and asked me how I would feel if he refused to visit me because of my kids! Ugh. He doesn’t get it. I told him that we can’t compare the two situations and actually if my kids annoyed him then I would understand him not visiting because, quite frankly, they annoy me too so I am more than happy to socialise outside of my home away from them.

A few weeks ago I visited my friend Cams who also has dogs. The very first time I visited her the dog jumped on me. I didn’t mind it all that much, I figured that it was the first encounter between me and the dog and that it was to be expected. When I went the next time the dog DID NOT jump on me. And a few hours after that, her friend Renata brought me a piece of paper to wave at the dog in case he decided to perform around me because she was about to feed him. I love love LOVE that there was so much consideration and respect for my feelings.

But now, over to you:

Am I being unreasonable to expect the dog to NOT jump on me ALL THE TIME? Goodness me, SHOULD this dog STILL be jumping on me AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR?  Multiple times in one visit? Every single time he sees me?  That doesn’t feel right to me. I visit my friend on about 3 times a month on average.

Am I being unreasonable to tell my friend that I won’t visit until he teaches his dog to stop doing this? Even though I really have stepped out of my comfort zone with here?

Have you ever had an animal come between you and a friend?

Would you ever visit a friend who has a “different” kind of animal, like maybe a snake? Because I probably would. As long as it is locked up and out of sight or whatever.

Would YOU step completely out of your comfort zone the way I have in order to maintain a friendship? Because I am starting to think that I have allowed too much here.

Ps…my friend and I spoke about this earlier this week. He is working something out with the dog so I can NOT feel erm upset and leave his place all frazzled.

Pps…I know that many of my readers are dog people. This post is absolutely not meant to offend you. Honestly. I really am an each to his own kind of girl and so if dogs are your thing then I honestly don’t have a problem with that. I am simply not a dog person and you know, despite this, I knitted a scarf for Dog1 on his birthday a few months ago similar to this one.

 

Some things I realised today

1. Some people are just naturally rude and disrespectful.
2. Child2 is more co-operative at Speech therapy when I’m not there with him. According to my Dad (his chauffeur), he runs right in and makes himself at home. When I go along he quite literally clings to me and won’t co-operate.
3. Child2 has a BALL at OT, regardless of whether I’m there or not. I think that it may be his most favourite thing after ordering things, wiping surfaces and dry salticrax biscuits.
4. It does help to talk about something – it’s as if the “load” literally becomes lighter.
5. Calculators, computer spell checks and the internet have made my brain lazy.
6. When I read blogs about  Atypical  Needs kids then I realise just how BLESSED I am. Things could have been very, very different.
7. I really should invest in a timer at home – I keep forgetting to add one to the shopping list. Otherwise I spend way too much time doing “nothing” which has further implications.
8. Some people LOVE to share their knowledge, skills and talents. Others prefer to NOT do this.
9. I am not a fan of McDreamy. That hair is too much and he’s just too pretty. I LOVE McSteamy though. He is BADASS. And HOT. And if we were seeing one another I would probably be able to score free b.o.ob jobs and li.pos.ucti.on. What a win!
10. I really enjoy watching Dirty, Sexy Money. A bit on the sordid side but, like your Nip Tucks and your Californication-type shows, you need to keep an open mind when you watch. The biggest thing I’ve learnt from these shows is that NOTHING is ever as it seems.
11. I do need to stop taking the “labels” thing so personally. After all, I CHOOSE how I’m going to perceive things.
12. There is a big difference between wanting a BABY and wanting a CHILD. I have many thoughts in my head about this one – I should blog about them.
13. Impromptu lunches during the day with my LOVE are just AWESOME.

What’s on your mind today?

Things I am afraid to tell you

I am not feeling the Motherhood thing at the moment. There, I said it.

I often wonder if I would have gone for it if I didn’t have an unplanned pregnancy in my early 20s.  I never gave it even one thought before that point and to be honest, it actually didn’t even feature in my dreams. You know when Mothers have those “this is what I always dreamed of” kinds of moments? Well, I never had any of those.

It is the one thing that has constantly made me doubt myself and my abilities.

It is the one thing that I find completely exhausting both physically and emotionally.

It’s the one thing that has me feeling really anxious. ALL THE TIME. I think about what lies ahead in the next 15 or so years with therapies and adjusting our lives based on our kids and what they need and I feel completely overwhelmed.

Perhaps my feelings are based on my particular context.

Perhaps I would feel differently if there was a bit more “normal” in my life.

Perhaps this is simply not meant for me.

Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt this way TODAY if I had noticed when we left home this morning that Child1 wasn’t wearing a jersey. Seriously. Do I really STILL need to TELL HIM to PUT ON A FREAKING JERSEY?

Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt this way TODAY if I didn’t just lose my nuts when I had to tell Child1 for the THIRD time to sweep under his bed! Sjoe. It took A LOT of self-control not to shout and swear and throw naartjies at him.

Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt this way TODAY if I didn’t have to fight with Child2 to co-operate with the panel of Drs at Red Cross who were doing some other tests with him this afternoon.

Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt this way TODAY if those Drs were INSISTING on a particular school for my child when I KNOW with all my heart that the one that they want for him is NOT the right one for him. Will I ALWAYS have to deal with BOXES? And LABELS? And DRS? And THERAPISTS?

Perhaps I just need a break.

People often say that they cannot imagine themselves NOT being Mothers. Well. Today I can. Really.

Is it even possible for me to love my kids to the moon and back and not actually love Motherhood all that much?

I don’t know.

I know that I am blessed. I know that what I have to deal with is really nothing compared to what other Mothers have to deal with. I know that my kids do bring tremendous joy to my life at least 95% of the time. I know that I was lucky to be able to conceive and have healthy pregnancies and that I’m blessed to be able to (mostly) afford to take care of them.

BUT today. I am just NOT feeling the Motherhood thing. I guess I better start saving for their therapy and hope that I don’t mess them up too much. And I pray that tomorrow will be better because I really do want this feeling to pass. Like ASAP.

Please don’t judge me. It took a lot for me to publish this.

 

Three things

1. Child2 is actually starting to speak in sentences – in bossy tones. “Julia, stop shouting” (I don’t shout but I am very firm), “Julia, put your finger on your lip”, Julia, I want to sleep now”, “Julia, fetch my blanket”. I LOVE it! He still doesn’t really converse with me but I have to admit that the sentence thing is THRILLING me to no end.  Yesterday I wondered if it was truly the Speech Therapy or if it was matter that he was finally ready. Either way, it makes me sooooo happy.

2.  I have my knitting mojo back! I taught myself last week to knit USING A LOOM! Check here if you don’t know what that is. It’s so easy and goes a lot quicker than normal knitting.  I will take pics of the finished item and post it later this week.  I am starting with fingerless gloves this weekend. FOR ME. Because I am always knitting stuff for everyone else. And now Shayne has put me in the mood for a chunky beanie. Maybe I’ll add that. I think that I need to stick to small things – like hats, toys, headbands, bracelets etc. Because I do get bored quite quickly.  I really do want to attempt a snood. Am scared though. That takes long. Maybe I could  use the loom for that? Must google.

3.  The painting thing. Sigh. I am sad. And annoyed that people actually stay out of work to march for something utterly ridiculous while others are desperately looking for work.  I am disappointed that 18 years into our democracy we STILL can’t engage and that dialogue is still something that doesn’t come naturally. There is defensiveness. And bullying. And intimidation when people express differing views. Quite frankly, that’s just childish.

How are you doing though?

How was your Tuesday? Mine was a bit odd. But, at least we are nearly at Hump Day. I am typing up this post while I’m watching Dirty Sexy Money. What is it about this series that I’m drawn to?  I need to think about that one. Am going to watch and knit some more now.

Anyway, sleep tight and have a fantastic hump day.

xx

 

This weekend

…..was one of many FIRSTS.

I flew up to Jhb. On my own.

I took the Gautrain. On my own.

I met and stayed with Marcia and D and her DIVINE kids. I haven’t talked to toddlers in YEARS and it was just LOVELY to have THAT kind of conversation. I finally get that twin romance thing.

I went to a parenting seminar with ADHASA seminar and learned SO MUCH!

I drove through suburbs that I had only ever read about. Like Illovo. And Milpark. And Bedfordview.  And Rosebank. And Blairgowrie.  And Randburg. And Houghton. I even made the cab driver go past Ma.nd.ela’s house for me. AND I ended up driving through Hillbrow! It’s a cross between Manenberg, Elsies River and some of the rubbish bits of Mowbray main Road. Interestingly enough, I wasn’t fearful or anything.

I met and had lunch with Cat and Louisa. They are AWESOME.

I had a latte and shared a waffle at the airport with Cat.  LOVED this one-on-one time with her. Thank goodness she came with me because I would have BATTLED at that big airport on my own.

I flew home and did the ugly cry at the airport when both my kids just RAN to me when they saw me coming.

I ate the most BEAUTIFUL Roti and Curry when I got home and snuggled on the couch with my boys who wouldn’t go to bed. They ended up falling asleep there.

And then I slept. Because I was KNACKERED.

All in all, a lovely weekend.

This week I want to relax, read, knit a little, craft a little and NOT look at my to-do list. Child1 is starting exams so I guess I’ll be doing a bit of work with him.

And btw…it initially took some adjustment but now I LOVE LOVE LOVE Rose and will be devastated if I should ever have to part with her.

Ps..in case you don’t know, my kindle is a girl. She is called Rose.

How was your weekend and what are you looking forward to this week?

Friendship Friday: The Spreadsheet

I have a friends spreadsheet.

It’s been in existence (on and off) for about 18 or so months now.

I know that it makes me sound  OCD.

I assure you, I don’t have an inkling of OCD in my blood (except for the library thing) and the only reason it started in the first place was because I was planning a gathering with a few girlfriends. I made a list of names. On a spreadsheet. It just grew from there.

My spreadsheet essentially evolved from being a guest list to a friend list.

I realised at some point that I was hanging out with the same people. ALL THE TIME.

When things went pear-shaped for whatever reason or when we started to get on each other’s nerves (it can happen, familiarity breeds contempt and all) I used to feel lonely. I REALLY battled because of the LACK of people in my life, specifically if a particular situation demanded a particular TYPE of friend.

One day I felt particularly lonely. My DH told me to make a list of people who I LOVE/LOVED hanging out with. He told me to include EVERYONE and make a project out if spending time with DIFFERENT people. Even if I hadn’t seen them in years.

I went to my computer and opened up a word document. Then I got distracted. When I got back to my computer, my son was opening up an excel document for something that he needed to do. And then it struck me. I STILL had my guest list from my party which didn’t happen. I could just ADD to that! Oooh I was too excited!

So I took that list and added to it.  I then made a column for the date/period that I last saw the person and I also made a column for the last thing we did together (i.e. did we go to a restaurant, to a show together etc). I did consider rating my experience but THAT felt OCD to me.

My list grows and grows. I keep forgetting about people. Two weeks ago I went to Claremont and I ran into my friend N who used to work with me. We made a lunch date there and then. When I got home I ADDED her and I now know that I won’t go for years without seeing her again. I added another friend the other day who I hadn’t seen for more than 12 years! Quite by chance, AFTER she made contact with me. I had completely forgotten about her.

If your name is on my list, it means that I can see when I last saw you. IT means that I can keep track of you i.e. email you but PREFERABLY call you if I realise that I haven’t spoken to you in a while. It means that there are options and that I will never end up in a situation like my friend did last week where he had NO ONE else to ask.

Sometime last year I deleted my spreadsheet in a fit of rage.

A few weeks after that, I made another one. It’s still being used.

Now, I am not saying “go forth and make a spreadsheet”.

I am saying DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. My spreadsheet works REALLY well for me.

When people tell me that they need new friends, I tell them to make a spreadsheet. because, chances are they have forgotten half of the friends they have.  They usually laugh at me and say that it’s OTT.

Maybe it is. BUT. It works. FOR ME. We all have our STUFF.

How do you keep track of your friends? How do you not let some of them slip “through the cracks” so to speak?

Dud craft #1

I don’t know if this happens to you but sometimes I choose YES, CHOOSE to do certain crafts without really thinking too much about it and then while I am doing said craft I realise that it just isn’t going to work out the way I envisioned it.

This happens to me A LOT. And then I get cross at my DH for not being able to/wanting to rescue it for me. And then I throw it across the room. And once I’m done throwing my tantrum, I pick it up and display it. 

So. Dud craft #1:

I was inspired by this craft that I pinned.

Source: theidearoom.net via Julia on Pinterest

I will admit that I didn’t read the post properly because if I had done that then I would NOT have pinned it. I usually pin in a hurry and I really should stop doing that.

When I eventually read the post i.e. on the Friday afternoon before the Saturday morning that I was going to be doing it, I saw that I needed weird stuff like embossing whats-its.

STILL I was not put off. I had a vision. I knew EXACTLY what I was going to write on the candle and who this gift was going to go to. I bought a few candles (at no small cost btw) to practice on first.

Then I went to the craft shop (with a print-out of that blog post) and they didn’t have everything that I needed. According to them I needed to go to The Deckle Edge (very larney, expensive art materials store in Constantia) to get one or two things. However, they had an alternative solution for me. I could buy a specific pen that they stocked which was generally used to write on candles.  I paid R50 for this pen and I figured it wouldn’t be a waste because a personalised candle was a cute, cheap gift for any person on any occasion. And it did seem easier than working with embossing tools and so on.

So I went home. And I wrote on the first candle. The ink ran. I wrote on the 2^nd candle. The ink ran. I wrote on the 3^rd candle. Rinse and repeat.

I made my DH write on the 4^th one – he is an artist and has that wrist thing down pat. His one looked WAY better than my 3 but still not good enough. He told me to go and buy more candles so we could practice. He felt that one just needed to get the nick of it and perfect the technique (apparently in the wrist) and that it would come with more practice.

I said “HELL NO”. I was not going to waste any more money or time on this project. This was meant to be fun and it was causing me anxiety and palpitations about this money that was now essentially DOWN THE DRAIN.

So I left it and that was that. I did allow both Child1 and Child 2 to add their own “mark” to it. Child 2 coloured in the top bit and messed all over my desk in the process, Child1 drew what I think is meant to be a sun – I forgot to ask.

I still light the candles. And I like telling them to light the hope candle or the love candle or the joy candle or the peace candle.

IT does add something to the atmosphere within the home when they are lit and it serves as a reminder TO ME of a few things:

1.   Don’t jump into things without thinking them through

2.   Have a Plan B.

3.  Be mindful about what I’m capable of (as someone who is not naturally artistic and who has to fake it till I make it)

4.   Remain humble. Because no matter how fantastic your art is on one day it really can turn out rubbish the next day. An artist is only as good as his last creation. OR something like that.

5.  Don’t be embarrassed by your mistakes. You AND others can learn from them.

6. Mistakes are EXPENSIVE!

Having said all of that, here are two of THOSE candles. I hate them and sometimes I love them. Actually they have grown on me and I can officially say that I like (not love) them.

This particular one reminds me to ALWAYS have hope. Even during the very dark/ugly/difficult times.

Have you had any flop crafts lately? Does it happen often?

Ps…let me know if you want that pen. I will hand it over with pleasure. FOR F.R.E.E. I still have it and it just feels wrong to dump it.